Fellas: If you were dating a chick...

[NYCeeCee]

At what point does the parents sit the child down and explain to them that some ish just doesn't work out, but we both love you the same and will support you and do whatever we have to do to ensure your well being and blah blah blah, BUT we are no longer a family UNIT, so we won't do everything Timmy's mom and dad (who're still together) do? These kids are being coddled too much. Reality is reality. Just b/c something makes a kid "happy" doesn't mean that that's what's best for them.

Also, couldn't parading around like a family unit (when you're really not) confuse the kid even more and give them false hope?

did i say they shuld do EVERYTHING together, no. but yall separting doesnt mean yall still aint parents of the same child, and doing things together SOMETIMES aint a big deal.

Well, DUH, of course they're still parents of the same child and doing things together is a given. I expect mature adults to be able to get along/be cordial and unite to support their child/ren together for things that are important to the child's well being. School functions, birthday parties, sporting events, Dr appointments, etc are all things that are expected. Movies? Why? Where do you draw the line? If the child has a bad dream, should the father go over there in the middle of the night to comfort the child, too? Why not just stay together if watching the Lion King as a family unit is so important to you?

cordial?? lol...why dont yall admit it...yall are uncomfortable with ur man/woman actually being firends wit da BM/BD? nothing wrong wit admitting jealousy. its a natural human emotion.

oh and ur line...i say its drawn at any romantic activity between the mother and father

Having "beef" with the co-parent of your child actually causes MORE problems in your current relationship than being friends, so miss me with that, Mr. BlackThor. Most level-headed adults would rather not have drama from a past relationship seeping into their current. Who welcomes BD/BM drama into their life? Not I.

Also, you can make ANY activity a "romantic" activity, but some things are necessary, so anyone entering into a relationship with a parent needs to know that. The movies aren't necessary. I stand by that, Sir.

 

[BlackThor356]

At what point does the parents sit the child down and explain to them that some ish just doesn't work out, but we both love you the same and will support you and do whatever we have to do to ensure your well being and blah blah blah, BUT we are no longer a family UNIT, so we won't do everything Timmy's mom and dad (who're still together) do? These kids are being coddled too much. Reality is reality. Just b/c something makes a kid "happy" doesn't mean that that's what's best for them.

Also, couldn't parading around like a family unit (when you're really not) confuse the kid even more and give them false hope?

did i say they shuld do EVERYTHING together, no. but yall separting doesnt mean yall still aint parents of the same child, and doing things together SOMETIMES aint a big deal.

Well, DUH, of course they're still parents of the same child and doing things together is a given. I expect mature adults to be able to get along/be cordial and unite to support their child/ren together for things that are important to the child's well being. School functions, birthday parties, sporting events, Dr appointments, etc are all things that are expected. Movies? Why? Where do you draw the line? If the child has a bad dream, should the father go over there in the middle of the night to comfort the child, too? Why not just stay together if watching the Lion King as a family unit is so important to you?

cordial?? lol...why dont yall admit it...yall are uncomfortable with ur man/woman actually being firends wit da BM/BD? nothing wrong wit admitting jealousy. its a natural human emotion.

oh and ur line...i say its drawn at any romantic activity between the mother and father

Having "beef" with the co-parent of your child actually causes MORE problems in your current relationship than being friends, so miss me with that, Mr. BlackThor. Most level-headed adults would rather not have drama from a past relationship seeping into their current. Who welcomes BD/BM drama into their life? Not I.

Also, you can make ANY activity a "romantic" activity, but some things are necessary, so anyone entering into a relationship with a parent needs to know that. The movies aren't necessary. I stand by that, Sir.

u right, and when they do that, they have crossed the line, till then aint nothin wrong wit a lil boy occasionally catchin a flick with his parents

 

[mindright]

wouldn't care. I mean she's gonna cheat regardless if she wants too..

How am I gonna stop that?

 

[The Lonious Monk]

have yall considered they prolly go to the movies as a family, so the kid dont feel bad? i think its important that parents keep up the unified front for they seed, and not just when it comes to discipline

Am I the only one that finds this suggestion to be ridiculous? Why would they need to go to the movies as a family? They aren't a family. That unified front would only hurt the child in the long run. Children naturally want their parents to be together, so doing things like that would give the child the false impression that the parents are together. That's not a good look, if the parents have no intention of going that route.

And if I was the other dude in the situation it would be a problem. It's not about jealousy or anything like that. If they want to be a family, I'm going to let them be a family. You can't have it both ways though. You can't be living the family life with your ex and kid one moment and then building a relationship with someone else in the next. There have to be boundaries.

 

[BlackThor356]

have yall considered they prolly go to the movies as a family, so the kid dont feel bad? i think its important that parents keep up the unified front for they seed, and not just when it comes to discipline

Am I the only one that finds this suggestion to be ridiculous? Why would they need to go to the movies as a family? They aren't a family. That unified front would only hurt the child in the long run. Children naturally want their parents to be together, so doing things like that would give the child the false impression that the parents are together. That's not a good look, if the parents have no intention of going that route.

And if I was the other dude in the situation it would be a problem. It's not about jealousy or anything like that. If they want to be a family, I'm going to let them be a family. You can't have it both ways though. You can't be living the family life with your ex and kid one moment and then building a relationship with someone else in the next. There have to be boundaries.

yea if u dont communicate what time it is with ur child, they'll think that. ive been the child in the situation and i knew what time it was. and im talkin about doing things like this very rarely. im not saying they do this every friday or nothing. and a unified front NEVER hurts a child, what kinda shit is that?

 

[MeTaL]

Can't have It both ways.. There's a time and place for everything. Got to learn how to separate things.

 

[MsSouthern]

have yall considered they prolly go to the movies as a family, so the kid dont feel bad? i think its important that parents keep up the unified front for they seed, and not just when it comes to discipline

Am I the only one that finds this suggestion to be ridiculous? Why would they need to go to the movies as a family? They aren't a family. That unified front would only hurt the child in the long run. Children naturally want their parents to be together, so doing things like that would give the child the false impression that the parents are together. That's not a good look, if the parents have no intention of going that route.

And if I was the other dude in the situation it would be a problem. It's not about jealousy or anything like that. If they want to be a family, I'm going to let them be a family. You can't have it both ways though. You can't be living the family life with your ex and kid one moment and then building a relationship with someone else in the next. There have to be boundaries.

Exactly

 

[The Lonious Monk]

yea if u dont communicate what time it is with ur child, they'll think that. ive been the child in the situation and i knew what time it was. and im talkin about doing things like this very rarely. im not saying they do this every friday or nothing. and a unified front NEVER hurts a child, what kinda shit is that?

Fronting NEVER helps anyone whether it's unified or not. If two parents aren't together, there is no reason to behave like they are. What purpose does that serve for the child. It only plays on their hopes. Depending on how young the child is, it doesn't matter how much you communicate with them. They are going to want things to work they way they hope for, and your words telling them it won't be like that doesn't mean a whole lot if they interpret your actions to mean the opposite.

You don't have to go to the movies as a 'family' to be unified when it comes to the raising of a child. Ya'll can be together in that regard without ever hanging out. There is no reason to ever have a 'Family Night' if you're not a family. It doesn't help anything, and can only end up doing damage down the line.

 

[BlackThor356]

yea if u dont communicate what time it is with ur child, they'll think that. ive been the child in the situation and i knew what time it was. and im talkin about doing things like this very rarely. im not saying they do this every friday or nothing. and a unified front NEVER hurts a child, what kinda shit is that?

Fronting NEVER helps anyone whether it's unified or not. If two parents aren't together, there is no reason to behave like they are. What purpose does that serve for the child. It only plays on their hopes. Depending on how young the child is, it doesn't matter how much you communicate with them. They are going to want things to work they way they hope for, and your words telling them it won't be like that doesn't mean a whole lot if they interpret your actions to mean the opposite.

You don't have to go to the movies as a 'family' to be unified when it comes to the raising of a child. Ya'll can be together in that regard without ever hanging out. There is no reason to ever have a 'Family Night' if you're not a family. It doesn't help anything, and can only end up doing damage down the line.

so going to a movie with a friend is acting like yall together? smh im tellin yall, this jus seems like jealousy to me. its not a big deal. if they holding each otha and kissin n shyt i get it, but if not, its innocent.

the kid gon always hope moms and pops get back 2gther no matter what. even if u have another chick yo seed gon wish u get back wit they moms.

i jus dont see why yall dont admit its str-8 up jealousy. u scared ur chick/man gon re kindle some flame with the BM/BD. and if u are i understand ur position. but dont try to say its not jealousy and then post from the vantage point of an insecure ass nigga is all im sayin

 

[NYCeeCee]

so going to a movie with a friend is acting like yall together?

LOL @ comparing someone you have a relationship/ sexual history with AND share a child with to a mere "friend".

 

[NYCeeCee]

You're taking your personal childhood situation and trying to act like that's the norm..it doesn't usually work like that.

Thank you! I wanted to say this, but didn't want to come off as rude.

 

[BlackThor356]

Maybe it's jealousy, or maybe it's just common sense not to be cool with your bf hanging with a woman that he's not only had sex with but has the bond of a child with as well.

If that's what he WANTS to do then go head homey, I just don't want to be there for it.

You're taking your personal childhood situation and trying to act like that's the norm..it doesn't usually work like that.

maybe OR, becuz of my childhood i understand the benefits of both parents occasionally doing things with their child mixed with not being insecure about a woman im with and acknowledging the fact that if they wanna fuck they gon fuck, so me tryin to prevent them from hanging out aint gon change nothin

if i meet a woman who does things with her BD and her son, who am i to tell her to stop it?? and what does it say about me, that i even want her to stop it?

 

[MeTaL]

Maybe it's jealousy, or maybe it's just common sense not to be cool with your bf hanging with a woman that he's not only had sex with but has the bond of a child with as well.

If that's what he WANTS to do then go head homey, I just don't want to be there for it.

You're taking your personal childhood situation and trying to act like that's the norm..it doesn't usually work like that.

Right. Everybody has different mindsets, some people are comfortable with it, while others are not. Everybody operates differently in terms of reality.

 

[desertrain10]

yea if u dont communicate what time it is with ur child, they'll think that. ive been the child in the situation and i knew what time it was. and im talkin about doing things like this very rarely. im not saying they do this every friday or nothing. and a unified front NEVER hurts a child, what kinda shit is that?

Fronting NEVER helps anyone whether it's unified or not. If two parents aren't together, there is no reason to behave like they are. What purpose does that serve for the child. It only plays on their hopes. Depending on how young the child e is, it doesn't matter how much you communicate with them. They are going to want things to work they way they hope for, and your words telling them it won't be like that doesn't mean a whole lot if they interpret your actions to mean the opposite.

You don't have to go to the movies as a 'family' to be unified when it comes to the raising of a child. Ya'll can be together in that regard without ever hanging out. There is no reason to ever have a 'Family Night' if you're not a family. It doesn't help anything, and can only end up doing damage down the line.

yall are taking the shit too seriously. an hour and some change trip to the movies to see the Lion King alone w/ your child and their mother/father every now and than is not a big deal.... how is that disrespectful? unless there are some underlining trust issues there

my parents and i went to dinner the other day without my father's wife ....it was nice. we have done it a lot throughout the years since i was young even though my father has been married to another woman for most of my life... my mother and step mother are actually good friends...and talk regularly...

 

[BlackThor356]

PS - @BlackThor356 How do you know your parents were still smashing all those years ago? Maybe you just didn't know?

i dont know, but i hardly find it relevant.

besides that shit only happened once. as i said it wasnt something that we did on the regular.

oh and we ALL base our thought process based off the things we've been through.

 

[John_Blazini]

dumb niggas man if you talk to your kids about it it's not fronting. my son is 6 and he knows mommy has a boy friend and daddy has chick friends as he says.... there is no confusion just sometimes he wants to do things with us... I guess because both of us are involved parents who have always communicated with our son it's different. *Ye shrug* i swear yall think every one is involved in drama style relationships.. lol

 

[BlackThor356]

so going to a movie with a friend is acting like yall together?

LOL @ comparing someone you have a relationship/ sexual history with AND share a child with to a mere "friend".

key word is "history"

i'll even go as far as saying, if u cant hang out with ur BD as friends, that means u aint over buddy

 

[BlackThor356]

Maybe it's jealousy, or maybe it's just common sense not to be cool with your bf hanging with a woman that he's not only had sex with but has the bond of a child with as well.

If that's what he WANTS to do then go head homey, I just don't want to be there for it.

You're taking your personal childhood situation and trying to act like that's the norm..it doesn't usually work like that.

Right. Everybody has different mindsets, some people are comfortable with it, while others are not. Everybody operates differently in terms of reality.

exactly

 

[NYCeeCee]

so going to a movie with a friend is acting like yall together?

LOL @ comparing someone you have a relationship/ sexual history with AND share a child with to a mere "friend".

key word is "history"

i'll even go as far as saying, if u cant hang out with ur BD as friends, that means u aint over buddy

Or just maybe I don't think "hanging out" is necessary or condusive to the well being of my child....and that would be the only reason why we'd be doing things together. I just don't happen to think that family trips to the movies are necessary.

Furthermore, I'm not on that "let's be friends" B.S. We wouldn't be "friends", we'd be co-parents with the same goals regarding the rearing of our child. My "friends" and I don't have children together. LOL

Eh, I digress, though.

 

[Bussy_Getta]

loo made a good ass thread

but most of yall trippin