Pros / Cons About Marriage

[JoshuaMoshua]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Don't U have life teach U a lesson" fam. They're very expense, time consuming and costly when u allow that 2 take place. U look a gift horse in the mouth I see huh? Ya hindsight vision will be ya 20/20. Life's experiences R 2 B shared to spare others. Don't be afraid 2 open up too.

Huh?

I don't have any experience with marriage but I know enough to know that it's not a death trap. I've seen happily married people and vice versa.

All I'm saying is, the narrative here is a bit biased, that's all.

 

[rickmogul]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Cool I got U no dis fam. Like I posted earlier, my folks hit 52 yrs in 2 weeks. I agree is either way. Just sounds like a lot of us R shaving off some advice I wish a younger me would have taken. Eve wasn't lying saying Love is Blind or will blind U. Keep having fun brother. Be safe 2 day out there.

 

[7figz]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Don't U have life teach U a lesson" fam. They're very expense, time consuming and costly when u allow that 2 take place. U look a gift horse in the mouth I see huh? Ya hindsight vision will be ya 20/20. Life's experiences R 2 B shared to spare others. Don't be afraid 2 open up too.

Huh?

I don't have any experience with marriage but I know enough to know that it's not a death trap. I've seen happily married people and vice versa.

All I'm saying is, the narrative here is a bit biased, that's all.

Fam, quick comparison -

If the thread was "Pros / Cons About Guns", and a lot of posters were in here posting about people who they knew who were killed by guns (Yeah I know guns don't kill people....), would you be saying the narrative is biased ?

Exactly.

That's why I asked for the pros and cons. If there's a lot of good shit to say about marriage, just drop it in here. People who look it as a trap, usually have some justification for thinking that - if you're going to dismiss their opinion, at least provide a relevant counter argument. Saying that somebody else had a happy marriage when somebody described how marriage can be a trap isn't a good counter argument, because it's not addressing their situation at all.

 

[JoshuaMoshua]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Don't U have life teach U a lesson" fam. They're very expense, time consuming and costly when u allow that 2 take place. U look a gift horse in the mouth I see huh? Ya hindsight vision will be ya 20/20. Life's experiences R 2 B shared to spare others. Don't be afraid 2 open up too.

Huh?

I don't have any experience with marriage but I know enough to know that it's not a death trap. I've seen happily married people and vice versa.

All I'm saying is, the narrative here is a bit biased, that's all.

Fam, quick comparison -

If the thread was "Pros / Cons About Guns", and a lot of posters were in here posting about people who they knew who were killed by guns (Yeah I know guns don't kill people....), would you be saying the narrative is biased ?

Exactly.

That's why I asked for the pros and cons. If there's a lot of good shit to say about marriage, just drop it in here. People who look it as a trap, usually have some justification for thinking that - if you're going to dismiss their opinion, at least provide a relevant counter argument. Saying that somebody else had a happy marriage when somebody described how marriage can be a trap isn't a good counter argument, because it's not addressing their situation at all.

Actually yes, I'd say the narrative/answers were biased towards people more likely to experience gun related violence. Depending on your background, your experience with guns (and to an extent marriage) could be vastly different than someone elses. Maybe, I came off too dismissive but let's be honest here bias is bias and the ones most hurt by [Insert any topic here] will be always be the loudest and most negative about that particular subject.

 

[7figz]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Don't U have life teach U a lesson" fam. They're very expense, time consuming and costly when u allow that 2 take place. U look a gift horse in the mouth I see huh? Ya hindsight vision will be ya 20/20. Life's experiences R 2 B shared to spare others. Don't be afraid 2 open up too.

Huh?

I don't have any experience with marriage but I know enough to know that it's not a death trap. I've seen happily married people and vice versa.

All I'm saying is, the narrative here is a bit biased, that's all.

Fam, quick comparison -

If the thread was "Pros / Cons About Guns", and a lot of posters were in here posting about people who they knew who were killed by guns (Yeah I know guns don't kill people....), would you be saying the narrative is biased ?

Exactly.

That's why I asked for the pros and cons. If there's a lot of good shit to say about marriage, just drop it in here. People who look it as a trap, usually have some justification for thinking that - if you're going to dismiss their opinion, at least provide a relevant counter argument. Saying that somebody else had a happy marriage when somebody described how marriage can be a trap isn't a good counter argument, because it's not addressing their situation at all.

Actually yes, I'd say the narrative/answers were biased towards people more likely to experience gun related violence. Depending on your background, your experience with guns (and to an extent marriage) could be vastly different than someone elses. Maybe, I came off too dismissive but let's be honest here bias is bias and the ones most hurt by [Insert any topic here] will be always be the loudest and most negative about that particular subject.

I hear what you saying but what's stopping those folks with the good shit to say about marriage from posting in here too ?

When I discuss shit like this in real life, I usually hear shit like "the bible says...", or "a man / woman is supposed to...", or trying to shame somebody who doesn't want to get married. But at least they saying something.

I'm going to throw out another possible 'pro' even though I'm not sure because I'm not married.

- I think married people may benefit tax-wise

- I also think they benefit in certain other situations like health insurance, where they used to only let you add your spouse, at least until the same sex marriage movement started happening. Then they started laxing on that requirement, and you could just writer "partner" or whatever.

 

[Fosheezy]

Pros:

- lifelong companion/partner

- increased household income

- reduced bills

- in-house secretary and homemaker that cook and clean

- the pussy is mine (yes, mine [ladies please argue w/ me)

- more mental balance

- conscience at ease

- happier and more fulfilling quality of life

Cons:

- I hold debt of more responsibility by default

- Risk of crappy In-Laws

- Risk of experiencing a nagging wife

- Risk of her dying on me

- Risk of divorce

- Risk of her leaving me with nothing

- Risk of infidelity (on both sides)

- Risk of being charge with rape

- Risk of me meeting someone else that I would rather be with

- At risk of being poisoned

- At risk of being killed in my sleep

- Risk of being lied to

- Risk of her changing for the worse

- Risk of her becoming fat or aging atrociously

- Loss of right to ALL other possible rewards that would gratify myself but conflict with her interests

That's about it. Pretty much all these things are variable and depend mostly on the person you choose. Some of these things you can't possibly know beforehand and have to roll the dice on. And mostly everything on the Pros side, I can already provide or do for myself.

 

[Go figure]

I think the issue with marriage isnt marriage itself its how ppl handle it.

For instance if ur gonna be with this one person for the next 30 or so yrs of your life...both of u are bound to make many mistakes.

If neither of u are forgiving, understanding or compromising, every problem is compounded by every past problem so that even when there arent any problems youre still bitter.

Both have to be willing to work shit out and not hold grudges otherwise no marriage will ever be good enough for u.

And im sure that sounds negative but if u can achieve that (among other things a marriage brings) the benefits will have u riding high

 

[JoshuaMoshua]

@"JoshuaMoshua " Don't U have life teach U a lesson" fam. They're very expense, time consuming and costly when u allow that 2 take place. U look a gift horse in the mouth I see huh? Ya hindsight vision will be ya 20/20. Life's experiences R 2 B shared to spare others. Don't be afraid 2 open up too.

Huh?

I don't have any experience with marriage but I know enough to know that it's not a death trap. I've seen happily married people and vice versa.

All I'm saying is, the narrative here is a bit biased, that's all.

Fam, quick comparison -

If the thread was "Pros / Cons About Guns", and a lot of posters were in here posting about people who they knew who were killed by guns (Yeah I know guns don't kill people....), would you be saying the narrative is biased ?

Exactly.

That's why I asked for the pros and cons. If there's a lot of good shit to say about marriage, just drop it in here. People who look it as a trap, usually have some justification for thinking that - if you're going to dismiss their opinion, at least provide a relevant counter argument. Saying that somebody else had a happy marriage when somebody described how marriage can be a trap isn't a good counter argument, because it's not addressing their situation at all.

Actually yes, I'd say the narrative/answers were biased towards people more likely to experience gun related violence. Depending on your background, your experience with guns (and to an extent marriage) could be vastly different than someone elses. Maybe, I came off too dismissive but let's be honest here bias is bias and the ones most hurt by [Insert any topic here] will be always be the loudest and most negative about that particular subject.

I hear what you saying but what's stopping those folks with the good shit to say about marriage from posting in here too ?

I'ma try to say this in the least assholish way possible:

This board doesn't exactly have the chickens clucking, if you know what I mean.

 

[jay83]

From some instances I've seen alot of men aren't responsible for their actions and women aren't accountable for theirs.

 

[The Hue]

Look niggas this shit is simple, all the pros of marriage is due to choosing the RIGHT woman and all the cons are due to choosing the WRONG woman. I can't stress this enough, if you're gonna bend the knee, make sure that woman deserves to sit on the throne.

 

[jay83]

Look niggas this shit is simple, all the pros of marriage is due to choosing the RIGHT woman and all the cons are due to choosing the WRONG woman. I can't stress this enough, if you're gonna bend the knee, make sure that woman deserves to sit on the throne.

I had a coworker who used tinder alot. he hooked up with this woman he met after a few days. She told him how its hard being single and she cant find any cool guys. The woman ghosted him. Four weeks later he found her facebook because they had a mutual friend and she just got married. And the quote on the weddding photo was "My heart belongs to one man". So he wrote "but that vagina belongs to the city you lying bitch."

He and the woman were white by the way.

 

[Shizlansky]

Props, lots of science being dropped. I'm not married, and I'm still on the fence, which is annoying because you know moms (and all her friends) gotta be stressing a nigga, especially since I'm the only son.

Imo, there's an infinite number of good reasons for a man to not get married, and really, there's only one good reason to get married, so the odds don't exactly look good. But something tells me marriage can be the worst thing or the greatest thing, with far in few between. But I've seen the latter in my own parents, grandparents, and friends.

But my old folks had it much "easier." Marriage seems to work rarer nowadays for various reasons. I have to agree with deadeye. No-fault divorce fucked up the game. But I'll go further. The government fucked up marriage (as it's apt to do with whatever it gets into). Instead of pushing so hard to get the government to grant permission for gays to get married, we should've pushed hard to get the government out of marriage altogether and have people decide their marriages themselves via personal contracts that would be merely protected by the government.

You niggas better be careful though. Like I've said a million times, prenups can be dismissed in court. And if you're unmarried but live with a partner for a certain amount of time, you can legally be considered married by the government in certain situations. Or so I've heard.

I'm getting married in two months and be with my lady for 6 years.

Can't wait. We on the same page and got the same goals.

I know he cons but also know the pros.

Congrats, but be careful...

We been together for almost 7 years and has a child together.

We had our ups and downs but we have the same goals and mindset so it's great for both of us.

We work great as a team and that's a big part of it.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

When you get married, you take on your bad days as well your spouses, which makes for more bad days. If you're not strong enough to keep your bad days to yourself, and not bring them home while leading your household, and at the same time have the poise, and emotional intelligence to not catch feelings when her bad days cross into your world and still stay sturdy, don't even go ring shoppin dog.

Kids, as beautiful as they are, add to the stress load because now your time is not yours anymore and many find themselves, losing themselves in the daily struggle of doing what you have to instead of what you want to and fighting those feelings of regret that exist because you want your time back, and there's nothing wrong with that, you're human, and we're selfish at times. You gotta find the jewels within parenthood that make it worth while Mine gave me so much fuckin fuel to be better, I can't imagine going back to the nigga I was. If you not built for that, or you don't think you have a mate that is.... hit the showers.

Look at it like this, Marriage is the NBA of relationships. If you can't get through menial, or big problems when it's just 1 on 1 with some commitment, but still a unlocked door. If one or the other finds themselves looking at the unlocked door during every dispute, and get to sayin shit like they unsure, don't get married. Because when that door locks.... It's real, we playin for keeps, and the cost of losing is super high.

As a man, you have to be stable enough to take on a woman and all her emotions, and try to remain who she fell in love with, while also keeping her at least feeling secure by providing, leading, teaching and protecting her, and your children. Being a woman has it's own pressures, but i'm not no woman so i'll leave that to them to explain. If you choose a partner for the right reasons, and you're certain you're both war ready, make it happen, be fruitful, and have a beautiful life together, and raise children that will hopefully learn from your example and do the same.

The most important attribute a wife can have is commitment, loyalty, and persistence, that's what being ready for anything life throws at you and staying the course is all about. All the stay togethers I know had one common thread of advice YOUNG NIGGA YOU GON GO THROUGH SOME SHIT, WITH MARRIAGE, SO MAKE SURE YOU'RE BOTH READY.

And If I could add 2 rules to that, the first rule is make sure you keep the love for each other first. The second rule is don't forget rule number 1. It's the heartbeat of the whole thing, so take care of each other, mind body and spirit.

Ain't shit sweet, at all. Bring your hard hat. You come ready to dig out a foundation and plant the field instead of thinking the work is done once you leave the altar. You'll be aight. And remember, MEN LEAD. PERIOD.

Marriage is beautiful, but you gotta put the pain in to keep it rockin.

Synergy nigga. Find a dope person and you keep being dope, and make a doper person. That's why we here.

goat analogy...I can respect it. may I add?

niggas don't wanna work for the NBA tho....they want to play in Europe or Israel... where they will take anyone...an niggas want to act like they made it somewhere.

or they want to hide within the team. allowing the team to carry them. but stepoing into a 1 on 1, will put they weaknesses on front Street

 

[Shizlansky]

I came home to honey glazed chicken, real mashed potatoes and baked macaroni. Had my plate and we watched power together.

Woke up to a kiss and some pussy. I payed the internet and lights. We all good.

I love our life.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

I must say this tho....

I ask all men to not take on another niggas misfortune.

society does that alot to skate around being responsible.

niggas day..I don't want kids cuz such an such had a bad experience. but yet dint say...I want kuds cuz such an such kid is now a doctor taking care of them.

we tend to take only the negative to fit us when we don't have a good answer.

are niggas avoiding hoes yet? nope

are niggas avoiding jobs that laid off in the past? nope

 

[rip.dilla]

Look niggas this shit is simple, all the pros of marriage is due to choosing the RIGHT woman and all the cons are due to choosing the WRONG woman. I can't stress this enough, if you're gonna bend the knee, make sure that woman deserves to sit on the throne.

Problem is it's not that plain and simple...

I've heard niggas say the person they married was a different creature to the person they courted and dated before putting the ring on 'em

Meaning, they pretend just to get the ring and then expose their real selves whilst in the marriage

 

[2stepz_ahead]

From some instances I've seen alot of men aren't responsible for their actions and women aren't accountable for theirs.

basically sums it up.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

Look niggas this shit is simple, all the pros of marriage is due to choosing the RIGHT woman and all the cons are due to choosing the WRONG woman. I can't stress this enough, if you're gonna bend the knee, make sure that woman deserves to sit on the throne.

Problem is it's not that plain and simple...

I've heard niggas say the person they married was a different creature to the person they courted and dated before putting the ring on 'em

Meaning, they pretend just to get the ring and then expose their real selves whilst in the marriage

bruh.....the happens during the first meeting an first dates.

it's called sending a "representative"

some people feel you actually will commit...but some look at it like a goal with no plan afterwards.

then you got niggas who don't listen.

man....most guys told me before marraige to think about it. then think about what you thought about. then think about it again. then think about it sober. this shit is serious.

chicks be on some, do he work? what chall gonna do bout his kids. you think he gon be loyal.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

my wife also watches power with me....she loves any team I like an any boxer I like. I inturn used to watch housewives of alt with her an Wendy Williams.

give an take

 

[Lefty_]

Taking two personalities from two totally different backgrounds, with potentially two totally different sets of values and goals and meshing them into one unit is never, ever going to be simple.

Everything from diet, to conflict resolution will have to be "married", compromised and made to work for both parties. Add children and your goals as a parent, verses the goals as a parental unit and fitting both parenting styles together is never simple.

People changing as they age and being something different in their 40s and 50s than they were in their 20s and 30s is not simple. The what now after the children are gone and you've lost a part of yourself inside parenthood and looking at your mate and re evaluating is never simple.

The common denominator is love, and the way we maintain the relationship. That's why I said it's the heartbeat of the whole institution. If you found someone who you love, and who truly loves you, and you make certain to keep your core intact, and maintain the love you first found, shouldn't be too many problems keeping it going for ever even through all the strife that you're going to face, not probably going to..... Going to. That's the only simple part, that bond.

Everything else is walking a tightrope of give and take.