Planning for Single Motherhood.. Are fathers really needed?

[gorilla]

Fathers are incredibly important in the development of children. Yes, a woman can raise a child on her own, but that doesn't mean it should be done. Similarly, a man can raise a child on his own, but that doesn't mean it should be done. I think men and women provide something unique. And if a woman ever gets to the point where she think that we can give a child everything that he/she needs to be as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sound as possible-- not recognizing that there are some limitations-- then she probably doesn't deserve to have a man anyways. That's "independent" gone wrong. Period. Men, we need you.. But we need you all to rise up to the occasion and handle your responsibilities like men. Provide, protect, and profess love to your children. Period.

[video=youtube;TcQ4uZJJqqg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcQ4uZJJqqg[/video]

www.msanomalous.wordpress.com

Aight, I'm need you and Conscious__Nkechi to start teaching classes to the lost women out here. I'm almost starting to think yall aren't really women cuz yall make way too much damns sense. (I kid, I kid). But for real I swear it's refreshing to read yall comments.

Back to topic, it's funny how you rarely hear people arguing for what the child might want. Coming from a single parent home myself, except for my step father who hated my ass for some reason, I know what it's like to want pops around. I've also seen children cry out for momma in single dad homes. It ain't fair to the child to PLAN a single parent household period. Case in point:

Years ago, I was helping my ex at her daycare. My kids where there and everytime I showed up they ran and jumped on me, all excited to see me. Well this one little girl, white girl about 4 or 5 grabs my hand one day, looks at me and was like "I wish you could be my dad" Now mind you her pops wasn't around and she probably was used to it. But when she saw that other kids have fathers and fathers that love them at that, she felt left out. Something didn't feel right in her, she knew something was missing. But nobody seems to recognize that factor of things

 

[Ladiesman]

not true, I hung around gangstas, hustlas, and pimps my entire life, and I think I turned out alright, most of the time its the ones sheltered from the other lifestyle, that tend to gravitate towards what they've been sheltered from, I think me being exposed to such life it allowed me to see firsthand what mistakes to avoid in life

I understand what you saying, but this isn't always the case with everyone

 

[TooXquisite]

Fathers are incredibly important in the development of children. Yes, a woman can raise a child on her own, but that doesn't mean it should be done. Similarly, a man can raise a child on his own, but that doesn't mean it should be done. I think men and women provide something unique. And if a woman ever gets to the point where she think that we can give a child everything that he/she needs to be as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sound as possible-- not recognizing that there are some limitations-- then she probably doesn't deserve to have a man anyways. That's "independent" gone wrong. Period. Men, we need you.. But we need you all to rise up to the occasion and handle your responsibilities like men. Provide, protect..

With all of that said, who are any of you to impose your beliefs on someone else? In this life nothing is concrete. There are people who are cracked out that grew up in loving two-parent households. And there highly successful people who don't know their mother/father at all.

Just because a woman or a man chooses to be a single parent doesn't mean they are doing it all alone. A male/female role model doesn't have to come in the form of a biological parent to be effective. And a little strife never hurts, you learn to adapt and move on. Having one parent is not going to stunt the development of a child who never had two parents to begin with.

 

[gorilla]

With all of that said, who are any of you to impose your beliefs on someone else? In this life nothing is concrete. There are people who are cracked out that grew up in loving two-parent households. And there highly successful people who don't know their mother/father at all.

Just because a woman or a man chooses to be a single parent doesn't mean they are doing it all alone. A male/female role model doesn't have to come in the form of a biological parent to be effective. And a little strife never hurts, you learn to adapt and move on. Having one parent is not going to stunt the development of a child who never had two parents to begin with.

Well at the same token who is anyone else to impose their wish to have a child by themselves on an innocent child they choose to bring into the world not caring whether that child might themselves suffer for it? You can't assume that just because a child is born to a single parent home they are just going to be ok with that.

And nobody is saying that SIMPLY BECAUSE there are two parents in the home that the child is assured to be a successful adult, but it helps. Yeah there are people who are cracked out that came up in loving two parent homes, but there's way more that DIDN'T have a stable loving home with both parents that are cracked out.

Bottom line is this, no matter how many different angles are trying to be argued, PLANNING to have and raise a child alone is selfish.

 

[Conscious__Nkechi]

Aight, I'm need you and Conscious__Nkechi to start teaching classes to the lost women out here. I'm almost starting to think yall aren't really women cuz yall make way too much damns sense. (I kid, I kid). But for real I swear it's refreshing to read yall comments.

Back to topic, it's funny how you rarely hear people arguing for what the child might want. Coming from a single parent home myself, except for my step father who hated my ass for some reason, I know what it's like to want pops around. I've also seen children cry out for momma in single dad homes. It ain't fair to the child to PLAN a single parent household period. Case in point:

Years ago, I was helping my ex at her daycare. My kids where there and everytime I showed up they ran and jumped on me, all excited to see me. Well this one little girl, white girl about 4 or 5 grabs my hand one day, looks at me and was like "I wish you could be my dad" Now mind you her pops wasn't around and she probably was used to it. But when she saw that other kids have fathers and fathers that love them at that, she felt left out. Something didn't feel right in her, she knew something was missing. But nobody seems to recognize that factor of things

Nothing shocks or surprises me anymore but witnessing that right there is a shot to the heart.

Bottom line is this, no matter how many different angles are trying to be argued, PLANNING to have and raise a child alone is selfish.

Precisely.

 

[MsVShantrell]

With all of that said, who are any of you to impose your beliefs on someone else? In this life nothing is concrete. There are people who are cracked out that grew up in loving two-parent households. And there highly successful people who don't know their mother/father at all.

Just because a woman or a man chooses to be a single parent doesn't mean they are doing it all alone. A male/female role model doesn't have to come in the form of a biological parent to be effective. And a little strife never hurts, you learn to adapt and move on. Having one parent is not going to stunt the development of a child who never had two parents to begin with.

I'm not imposing my values on others, I'm simply letting my opinion on the matter be known. Statistics show that children raised in single parent households are more likely to be raised in poverty and engage in sexual activity earlier. I'm sure that such happens even when both parents are present, but I wouldn't want to increase the odds of that happening. Like I said, if you end up being a single parent because that's the way the cards folded at the end of the day, handle your business by all means. In fact, I won't respect no one who doesn't handle their business. But it's totally different to opt into the situation consciously.

 

[TooXquisite]

It is ridiculous to make an argument based on the exceptions to rules or the outliers...

it is a fact that single parent households do not do as well as two parent homes usually...

why temp fate?

I'm basing my argument on reality.

What evidence do you have to show that those single parent households are ones in which the parent chose to be a single parent versus those in which the parent is single through circumstance?

All I'm saying is, if a child can be raised properly then why not do it? Because it doesn't coincide with societal views of what child rearing should be? That's what it really all comes down to.

 

[ibedamned]

Maybe most children are better off with two (or more) parents than one, all other factors being equal, but I don't think children need fathers specifically. All of the stereotypically male traits that a father is supposed to be able to teach his son are possessed by many women (and many men are capable of nurturing children the way that women are expected to).

fag nigga post

 

[Copper]

I'm basing my argument on reality.

What evidence do you have to show that those single parent households are ones in which the parent chose to be a single parent versus those in which the parent is single through circumstance?

All I'm saying is, if a child can be raised properly then why not do it? Because it doesn't coincide with societal views of what child rearing should be? That's what it really all comes down to.

wouldnt all of them be single through an instance of some circumstance regardless of what that circumstance is??

and theres many reasons why one shouldnt not be a single parent if given the choice...but there are always exceptions

 

[damobb2deep]

Honestly bein a single mother can be used as a "badge of honor" but also can be used as a means 2 bytch and complain about plenty of things.. Its basicly used in both ways when it can benifit her

 

[TooXquisite]

Well at the same token who is anyone else to impose their wish to have a child by themselves on an innocent child they choose to bring into the world not caring whether that child might themselves suffer for it? You can't assume that just because a child is born to a single parent home they are just going to be ok with that.

And nobody is saying that SIMPLY BECAUSE there are two parents in the home that the child is assured to be a successful adult, but it helps. Yeah there are people who are cracked out that came up in loving two parent homes, but there's way more that DIDN'T have a stable loving home with both parents that are cracked out.

Bottom line is this, no matter how many different angles are trying to be argued, PLANNING to have and raise a child alone is selfish.

Your question assumes that the child will suffer. I never assumed anything because I've always said there are no guarantees under any of the conditions.

If all it does is help then why is it necessary? As I stated before chosing to be a single parent doesn't mean that person will raise the child all alone.

It's only selfish if the person chooses to have a child to be their personal pet or something. Not if you go into it with the intent of loving that child and doing the work necessary to raise it.

 

[Conscious__Nkechi]

Honestly bein a single mother can be used as a "badge of honor" but also can be used as a means 2 bytch and complain about plenty of things.. Its basicly used in both ways when it can benifit her

A single parent who feels they deserve an award or medal needs to look within themselves and reevaluate their role as a parent. Smh.

 

[damobb2deep]

A single parent who feels they deserve an award or medal needs to look within themselves and reevaluate their role as a parent. Smh.

Both male and female single parents do it tho..

 

[TooXquisite]

I'm not imposing my values on others, I'm simply letting my opinion on the matter be known. Statistics show that children raised in single parent households are more likely to be raised in poverty and engage in sexual activity earlier. I'm sure that such happens even when both parents are present, but I wouldn't want to increase the odds of that happening. Like I said, if you end up being a single parent because that's the way the cards folded at the end of the day, handle your business by all means. In fact, I won't respect no one who doesn't handle their business. But it's totally different to opt into the situation consciously.

Uh yeah you kinda are. Or at least your tone gave that impression to me.

But do your stats specify that these are women who chose to be single parents? Because there are two very different demographics.

 

[gorilla]

Your question assumes that the child will suffer. I never assumed anything because I've always said there are no guarantees under any of the conditions.

If all it does is help then why is it necessary? As I stated before chosing to be a single parent doesn't mean that person will raise the child all alone.

It's only selfish if the person chooses to have a child to be their personal pet or something. Not if you go into it with the intent of loving that child and doing the work necessary to raise it.

Whether they choose to raise the child ALL alone or not , it's still unfair and yes selfish to bring a child into this world without having any regard how that child may feel about the other half of them which is the other parent. As a human being it's in our nature to discover ourselves and the things that are a part of our make up. This does include parents! Think about a child growing up to be an adult wondering where this funny shaped nose came from, or where their wit came from or any other thing that makes them them. It's about leaving the option wide open for there to be a void in a persons life by being disconnected from their own blood. And you can have all the man/woman ROLE MODELS you want they still don't replace mom/dad, just substitute.

 

[TooXquisite]

Whether they choose to raise the child ALL alone or not , it's still unfair and yes selfish to bring a child into this world without having any regard how that child may feel about the other half of them which is the other parent. As a human being it's in our nature to discover ourselves and the things that are a part of our make up. This does include parents! Think about a child growing up to be an adult wondering where this funny shaped nose came from, or where their wit came from or any other thing that makes them them. It's about leaving the option wide open for there to be a void in a persons life by being disconnected from their own blood. And you can have all the man/woman ROLE MODELS you want they still don't replace mom/dad, just substitute.

That's if they do feel that way because some will feel completely fulfilled by the love of their one parent.

 

[one_manshow]

I never understand our community and why it seems like so many strive to be single parents??

The blame is put on the absent fathers in the black community but people ignore the cause and effect relationships which leads to this reoccuring topic. A lot of women use a child or children as a form/way of getting back at the absent father. The kid is conditioned to think his or her father left him when in reality the mother in some cases makes decisions based off her emotions, irrational thinking and logic. The by product in this case is the child.

 

[Copper]

The blame is put on the absent fathers in the black community but people ignore the cause and effect relationships which leads to this reoccuring topic. A lot of women use a child or children as a form/way of getting back at the absent father. The kid is conditioned to think his or her father left him when in reality the mother in some cases makes decisions based off her emotions, irrational thinking and logic. The by product in this case is the child.

c/s to all the above....my cousins brother has been taking care of a child for 6 yrs he just found out wasnt his shit broke. dude stayed depressed for weeks about it....

also there are alot of women out here that pick a pair of jeans more carefully than they do the fathers of thier offspring.

 

[5th Letter]

to answer the thread yes men are needed in a childs life for every possible reason, it takes less pressure off the mother to raise the child and the man can teach things to the child that the mother cant. having a two family home is vital. smh at todays society making people think differently.

 

[**2sweet**]

A single parent who feels they deserve an award or medal needs to look within themselves and reevaluate their role as a parent. Smh.

shiiid you know how hard it is to raise a child on your own. If you ask me they deserve two medals especially if that person is a single parent by default what if their partner died, or they got a divorce. I'm not saying that their ultimate goal is to become a statistic, but there are people who really just was dealt a shitty hand in life.