Best and Worst Excuses You've Ever Heard

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death187sin

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Me: Bitch the club closes at 2:AM where U been at?

Her: We all wen't and had some chicken at the diner afterwards.

Me: Bitch ya lips aint greasy!

Her: I used a wet-nap

Me: U about to get a nap if U don't tell me where the fuck U was at?

Her: Okay! Wen't to Shina's house for some more drinks..

Me: Takes keys to her car..

Her: What are you doing!

Me: Bitch who's sock is this? Huh! Answer me!

Her: (Crackling voice) It's Darrel's sock okay

Me: Bitch who the fuck is Darrel?!

Her: Darrel is s friend of Shina's baby father but don't trip..

Me: Hoe! How did this niggaz sock get in your car?

Her: He said he had athletes feet and he needed me to put some lamasil on his toes.

Me: Oh so U DR Scholls now?!

Her: No.. What are you doing? Give me my phone back!

Me: Calls Darrel

Her: (Screams Darrel just tell him aint nothing going on and that I was just putting some lamisil on ya toes)

Me: Bitch shut the FUCK UP!

Darrel: Hello

Me: Darrel it's time for U to start talking nigga.. How U know my girl?

Darrel: I'm her co-worker, we sometimes have LUNCH together..

Me: Oh bitch so this is Lunch nigga huh?!

Darrel: Chill out man, it's not that serious..

Me: Darrel what's ya casket size?

Darrel: Hangs up phone.. Calls airport

Airport: United Airline how may I assist you today?

Darrel: (SCREAMING SCARED) I NEED THE NEXT PLANE OUT OF THE CITY!!

Airport: Sir please calm down. Is there a particular place your going?

Darrel: (Peeking out of window) ANYWHERE BITCH!! HURRY!

Airport: Next flight is going to Afghanistan.

Darrel: I'LL TAKE IT!!! (changes Identity) (Never heard from again)

-Other side of town-

Police: Where did he go?

Her: Not sure.

Police: Man he sure did a number on you..

Her: You think they'll be able to put my eye back in?

EMS: Ohh sweetie.. Anything is possible. (looks at partner and giggles)

Police: Please tell us what happened.

Her: He put me in the "Walls of Jericho" then he rifle butted me in the face before he suplexed me down the stairs.

Police: My Goodness!

EMS: How many fingers am I holding up?

Her: These many

EMS: She's going out of conscious. Need to move her quickly!

Me: Steals DR's robe and sneaks into her room with a pair of pliers..

Locks door behind me: (DR Giggles laugh)
 
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death187sin;1398351 said:
Me: Bitch the club closes at 2:AM where U been at?

Her: We all wen't and had some chicken at the diner afterwards.

Me: Bitch ya lips aint greasy!

Her: I used a wet-nap

Me: U about to get a nap if U don't tell me where the fuck U was at?

Her: Okay! Wen't to Shina's house for some more drinks..

Me: Takes keys to her car..

Her: What are you doing!

Me: Bitch who's sock is this? Huh! Answer me!

Her: (Crackling voice) It's Darrel's sock okay

Me: Bitch who the fuck is Darrel?!

Her: Darrel is s friend of Shina's baby father but don't trip..

Me: Hoe! How did this niggaz sock get in your car?

Her: He said he had athletes feet and he needed me to put some lamasil on his toes.

Me: Oh so U DR Scholls now?!

Her: No.. What are you doing? Give me my phone back!

Me: Calls Darrel

Her: (Screams Darrel just tell him aint nothing going on and that I was just putting some lamisil on ya toes)

Me: Bitch shut the FUCK UP!

Darrel: Hello

Me: Darrel it's time for U to start talking nigga.. How U know my girl?

Darrel: I'm her co-worker, we sometimes have LUNCH together..

Me: Oh bitch so this is Lunch nigga huh?!

Darrel: Chill out man, it's not that serious..

Me: Darrel what's ya casket size?

Darrel: Hangs up phone.. Calls airport

Airport: United Airline how may I assist you today?

Darrel: (SCREAMING SCARED) I NEED THE NEXT PLANE OUT OF THE CITY!!

Airport: Sir please calm down. Is there a particular place your going?

Darrel: (Peeking out of window) ANYWHERE BITCH!! HURRY!

Airport: Next flight is going to Afghanistan.

Darrel: I'LL TAKE IT!!! (changes Identity) (Never heard from again)

-Other side of town-

Police: Where did he go?

Her: Not sure.

Police: Man he sure did a number on you..

Her: You think they'll be able to put my eye back in?

EMS: Ohh sweetie.. Anything is possible. (looks at partner and giggles)

Police: Please tell us what happened.

Her: He put me in the "Walls of Jericho" then he rifle butted me in the face before he suplexed me down the stairs.

Police: My Goodness!

EMS: How many fingers am I holding up?

Her: These many

EMS: She's going out of conscious. Need to move her quickly!

Me: Steals DR's robe and sneaks into her room with a pair of pliers..

Locks door behind me: (DR Giggles laugh)

lmao, badman.
 
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Worst excuse I ever gave was when I was preparing to go hangout with the fellas and my ex (who was my woman at the time) wanted to come over.

She called me to ask what I was doing because she wanted to come see me, I told her I was miles away from home taking care of some paperwork and wouldn't be home for a while (even though I was at home preparing to leave)

Well, while still on the phone with her as i walk out my door,... guess who was at the door talking to me on her celly the whole time?

....thats riiight (sigh)
 
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Mr. AJ;1398712 said:
Worst excuse I ever gave was when I was preparing to go hangout with the fellas and my ex (who was my woman at the time) wanted to come over.

She called me to ask what I was doing because she wanted to come see me, I told her I was miles away from home taking care of some paperwork and wouldn't be home for a while (even though I was at home preparing to leave)

Well, while still on the phone with her as i walk out my door,... guess who was at the door talking to me on her celly the whole time?

....thats riiight (sigh)

.....and the relationship went further and further downhill from there. lol
 
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Mr. AJ;1398712 said:
Worst excuse I ever gave was when I was preparing to go hangout with the fellas and my ex (who was my woman at the time) wanted to come over.

She called me to ask what I was doing because she wanted to come see me, I told her I was miles away from home taking care of some paperwork and wouldn't be home for a while (even though I was at home preparing to leave)

Well, while still on the phone with her as i walk out my door,... guess who was at the door talking to me on her celly the whole time?

....thats riiight (sigh)

cot damn! thats an L my g
 
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T/S got me weak in the knees laughing

i told my girl i couldnt see her at anytime of the day cuz i had to "change out the window washer fluid"

she bought that shit too... 0 car knowledge
 
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