Strict parenting

[Plutarch]

How strict/loose were your parents?

Moderately strict. Not neglectful but also not overbearing. They were busy immigrants, so friends and family helped raise me. Nothing too crazy. Life seemed a lot easier back then.

How strict/loose are you as a parent?

Not a parent and don't plan to be. But if I do have kids, I'd keep them close and give them guidance for the first years and then let go a bit and let them do them and just hope they don't have stupid ass friends. So first strict and then loose.

For example, the lovely @Reesey puts her foot down on violent video games....

Crazy how people still blame video games for their own bullshit. In several decades of research, no one has ever successfully proven a strong link between video games and criminal behavior. There was even a Supreme Court case about it that was completely dismissed because there was no real evidence.

With all being said, GTA 4 is pretty damn adult-oriented. If I'd let my kid play, I'd have to carefully explain everything to him, heh. Could be a good opportunity to educate him on reality and the difference between it and video games. He's going to learn it all sooner or later anyway, and I'd rather it be from me. Parents never want to talk about things like sex and violence anyway. But 16 years old is more than enough.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

i was a strict parent but they would have more freedom

work hard we played hard

 

[topoftheworld]

My father was very strict and an authoritarian. Growing up I couldn't do anything, really. My mom was a softy. I'm a mix of them both. I try to foster an environment of self-discovery, growth and cause and effect.

 

[DNB1]

I'm not strict, I teach my kids to use common sense and realise there is consequences for their actions.

However I'm stricter than their mother, but we bounce off each other...good cop bad cop...

I don't mind being bad cop..but my kids generally avoid getting into anything that will mean they gotta see me mad.

 

[CeLLaR-DooR]

I plan on bein' strict with education and calm with everything else.

 

[caddo man]

How strict/loose were your parents?

The more I hear about other parents. My shit was not strict at all. At some points in life I basically raised myself. I smoked weed with my pops. I started drinking with him at 15. He had stripper stay with him so I was fucking at 15-16. My moms would kick me out for small shit but knew I was just taking the bus to Lakeside to stay with my pops.

How strict/loose are you as a parent?

Very different because of my wife. No I would not let them do what I did cause I dont do that shit but I give them freedom to express themselves. My wife quick to shut both kids down. No back talk! I let them get out something quick but if it gets pass two words then I take out the belt.

I dont explain why I do stuff. Only if it is a punishment. Outside of that................Because I said so. Why the hell am I explaining?

When they get older they will get freedom depending on their attitudes and decisions.

What restrictions/freedoms do your kids have? For example, the lovely @Reesey puts her foot down on violent video games....

My kids dont even watch some cartoons. The regular show and the amazing world of gumball. Especially spongebob! So I know violent video games are out of the question. You have to know your children. Understand the psyche of your child and then you can make decision based off of that.

My mom never worried about me if I was kicked out of the house. She knew if they drop me off in the middle of Africa. I may show up with a Lion skin coat wearing some real Gator boots. My sister on the other hand could never be trusted. Never! So my mom would give her enough rope to where she would walk off the cliff but wouldnt fall.

 

[Like Water]

My pops was an 8 year army man, so he definitely instilled a lot of that in me. A lot of discipline and respect. Moms was tough when she had to be. She was in a house with three men, so she learned she couldn't be a pushover. They were strict at times, but they were fair. I obviously didn't think so growing up, but looking back, I understand certain decisions that didn't make sense to me before.

My son is only 18 months, but he's starting to have a few "terrible two moments". That shit ain't gonna fly with me and the wife though. My military background and upbringing will not allow me to tolerate fuckery. My wife ain't on it either.

I don't think we'll be so strict that we won't allow him to experience life, but we're also not afraid to set boundaries and dole out the proper punishment when necessary. I can already see that good parenting is about tryna maintain that delicate balance.

 

[Melqart]

Despite being raised in an a very conservative time period, my parents are pretty liberal. It gave me the opportunity to come to terms with my own belief system, rather than it be molded by outside sources like most people. It really allowed my eclecticism to flourish, with the only limit of what I'd investigate being my imagination

 

[kzzl]

My dad was strict and physical. Mom's was strict, but she was way more patient with it. Both were real traditional type folks.

A balance between the two would be how I'd like to do it. But I won't be that traditional with it. Shit like Santa clause ain't gonna fly under my roof.

 

[AP21]

Mom was a lil bit of both...she really did the best she could, but there were just some things she just couldnt control with having a teenaged son in the home

its funny now that ima parent though. My lil girl, while i know she is only two, i still try to teach her boundaries but not punish her for doing things a 2 year old will do

 

[Arya Tsaddiq]

My pops was the disciplinarian in our house growing up. I wouldn't call him extremely strict, but he didn't put up with no mess. Instilled a lot in me early on, so as I got older he loosened the reigns. My mother was the nurturer, but she had her moments as well.

All the work they put in early paid off though because I avoided a lot of the problems that my peers had during my teenaged and young adult years.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

My father was very strict and an authoritarian. Growing up I couldn't do anything, really. My mom was a softy. I'm a mix of them both. I try to foster an environment of self-discovery, growth and cause and effect.

i love when you talk like that top where you been

 

[Reesey]

ha!

I'll start by saying that I was unaware that my choice to not allow my children to play GTA had such an impact on you sir Trill... ( @Trillfate )

I'll def, let the little ones know they have an IC advocate in their corner. haha

Anywho... I'll be fair and participate in the Q&A as everyone else has.

(Spoiled for length)

Spoiler

My mother was a horrid parent growing up. I was the only girl of 6 and the middle child... her druggie binges would have her gone for weeks at a time.

Pops... (*Weebay Shrug). We knew where he was and how to get a hold of him if need be. Rarely did though.

We needed money and my my eldest brother (5 yrs my senior) had, what looked to be, a promising career in B-Ball and couldn't miss school (college). So I lied to BK and started working there at 13.

We would ask the neighbor to pay the rent for us so that the manager of the Apt's we lived in wouldn't call CPS on us and have us taken away.

Paid the utilities by mail and forged signatures for mom's foodstamp renewal.

Mom's got better, wanted to put me back in "kid" mode.. I wasn't having it. Got my own place at 15, emancipated, joined the Army and never looked back. HA!! (Crazy times)

With all that being said. I believe that NONE of it has any bearing on why I am the way I am with my own children. Even with Sh**y parents, I am doing WAY better than many who had/have great parents.

So of course I understand that what I am doing as a parent does not guarantee my babies will turn out the way I may want them to.

WE are all different, and society (including the IC) would not know what's best for "your" child.

Take the "Rating System" for example. There are movies/shows that society would deem fit for a 13 yr old. (PG13). That some of us would consider "soft porn". lol!

No. I do not let my kids play GTA. If I do, it's in the living room where I can monitor what they do. Keep them fools outta the strip club. LOL!

However, I do let them play Mortal Kombat, which many would disagree with due to the blood and gore.

and "no", I am not one of those people who believe games create violence in teens, blah blah blah.

There are different reasons for different seasons. It is difficult to explain your methods/lifestyle in a forum. Not enough time and too many da** words haha! (obviously)

My son is 16, he can drive, goes out with friends, we speak about sex/girls, his father is in his life CONSISTENTLY. We allow him to express himself through fashion, music etc. He is supported 100%, he is not a bad kid, gets decent grades and loves football.

He also understands his over protective mother and listens to my rantings about killer cops, the target on his back, racism, love for his people, self love and self preservation.

I am not suffocating them, there are just things that I would rather them 'not' do. We even a running joke in the house regarding movies we don't allow them to see right now.

They made a list of movies they want to watch when they turn 18 and we agreed that we would have them readily available on their B-Day. lol!

No different then if you were to raise your children as Christians. You are raising them this way because you "believe" it is best for them. Now... does that mean they will grow up perfect and righteous.. NOPE!! haha. They will, in the end, do what "they" decide to do. All we can do is try to raise them the best way we know how and instill the knowledge we deem necessary to prosper.

Different strokes for different folks. :+1:

 

[damnkp]

Im not too strict...I wont allow my 13yr old son to have any social media accounts..but other than that im pretty lenient..oh..and my kids cant eat chips without a sandwich and cant drink any beverage besides water unless they're eating a meal

 

[VIBE]

My mom and dad divorced when I was 3, both were very loose. I lived w my mom and step father. The step father was decently strict. The freedoms we had were pretty much anything goes. I played/watched whatever I wanted to. I ate/drank whatever I wanted to. There was no restriction to age and entertainment. Although, my step father would routinely go through my CD's and break my Eminem albums because he said he read Eminem rapped about his mother in a negative way. I would reburn then and label them something diff.

My dad was pretty soft, too. But over at his house, it was also anything goes. They never sat me down to have talks or anything like that. Whatever I did was just known to me and no one else.

I never really took advantage of it, though. I ate good. I didn't go crazy with candy or soda, I avoided those things. I was in bed by 8:30. I kinda just parented myself, really.

As for how I am w my kids, I'm beginning to pull back a little. I feel I parent them the way my step father parented me, which was just too much petty shit to get mad about and say no to for no reason. So, I'm working on that. There's too many no's in the house and not enough yes's for the stupid little things, and that's something I don't want them to say they remembered.

i def have a restriction on certain things; entertainment is one of them. Certain movies of course don't make it to their eyes, but I think once they're 14 or older, I'd be more lenient about movies.

Music is whatever to me. I was very strict about it because of language but I've talked to them about the language and I know they use it at school or w friends, not often, but I know eventually it becomes apart of their vocabulary. I was using that language a lot by 7th grade. So it is what it is. Words deemed bad by society for no reason. Just told them not to use it and be desrespextfful towards others.

Video games, I don't allow them to play GTA. The oldest is 11, daughter, and my oldest son is 9. It's just too young. They do watch me play, though.

Other than that, we talk a lot about things, though. Life, school, careers, future etc. Always pointing out lessons in life to learn from, from things they do to things we see play out on social media, tv, or whatever happens outside our home.

Just raising these kids the best I can to be successful, productive adults.

 

[caddo man]

@Reesey Your story sounds so much like a good friend of mines. (he is guy) He was the oldest and his mother went on drug binges. He started hustling food and car parts early in life. Dude is a stand up guy that I admire to this day because of his past and how he has become a role model for his brothers.

You are the exception. Most in that environment would take the road most traveled. Proud of you!

 

[Reesey]

@Reesey Your story sounds so much like a good friend of mines. (he is guy) He was the oldest and his mother went on drug binges. He started hustling food and car parts early in life. Dude is a stand up guy that I admire to this day because of his past and how he has become a role model for his brothers.

You are the exception. Most in that environment would take the road most traveled. Proud of you!

Spoiler

lol.. J/K... I truly appreciate the love. I'm glad to hear that your friend is doing wonderful!

 

[blackrain]

My dad wasn't strict unless we forced his hand. He'd let us fuck up, then sit us down and have us explain why we did was fucked up. It did help with becoming very self aware of how my actions can affect people other than me when you have to sit and explain why you did something. In terms of music, video games and movies there were no real restrictions outside of something that was clearly porn or just too graphic. But for the most part for as long as I can remember my dad taught me and my brothers that "what you see on tv ain't some shit for you to repeat...that's why it's on tv and in music"....and seeing as how I value my dads word I pretty much never got confused and thought I could recreate something I saw or heard from a video game or entertainer.

Its still somewhat confusing to me when people say their parents didn't let them do certain shit. I remember my dad having my uncle take me to see Dead Presidents in the movie when I was 10. Most people I tell that too say no way a 10 year old should watch that but in my family it was normal because whenever we had questions we'd ask and get actual answers not "because I said so" so of I watched or heard something I didn't understand they'd simply explain in a way a child could get it...something a lot of parents don't do

 

[blackrain]

As for my mother...I've spoken about her before....not worth speaking about again

 

[MsSouthern]

I don't think I'm strict

My son's friends say I'm the nicest mom of their crew but they fear me