I'm searching for a middle ground in which we can relate in, I'm happy you were willing to share this part of your life with us... so I guess the only common part would be to share some of mine
I myself can never declare myself an atheist I think I was much more agnostic... growing up I just wanted to see God.... I didnt have a real purpose in it... other than I just wanted to know that it was real... I've had a long passionate disdain for church in what the black community does on sundays... because I just never felt like I could see God in it... it just didnt fit my image of what I thought God would be like... and I'll admit I was a bit selfish, self centered, and arrogant as a kid(we never change much) but I just couldn't see it.. I went to a Preschool that atleast taught us moral law... and when I reached the rest of the world and grew up some I had to shift or adjust to the point that people ... didnt care about what I learned in preschool... I went through my little brief time with the sex, drugs, gangbangin, alcohol, but I was a honor roll student at heart.. I just got caught up... for a nice portion of my life... I dont live in my regrets, but I do wish I did some things differently... but my male influences was ... rather limited.... I just needed answers and I reached a certain level of breaking... I decided that I would finally sit down and try to read the book I grew up calling the instruction book to life until I understood it... and it took a long time and I still wasnt able to comprehend it... it wasnt until I got around some preachers who were solid in their teaching as well as some jews who taught me the culture and help bring this book into reality to me rather than just the pages in just another book
and just to be real... when I was a little guy I use to always want my old man to come around, so I just grew tired of how things were, and I just spent a while and just prayed.. I didnt know what I was doing I tried it and I just hoped it would work... the day after my prayer was answered... so I knew prayer worked... perhaps the only people that need prayer for themselves this desperately are those in desperate need of something.... but now as Im a bit older... I am just figuring more and more out about God in prayer... it brings understanding to alot of things in life including the Word... it may sound crazy, but I can only share my experience for what it is
But ya that does suck that there may of really only been one reference towards dinosaurs in the word... I wish it woulda been more for you in there for you to read about dinosaurs, and I feel you on the Church thing... I spent a large part of the beginning dreading it, I just didnt enjoy it... but I found a place where I feel was made for me and accepts me how I am and even gives me a chance to share with the rest of the people....
and the biggest thing that I had to deal with before I was converted over was opening up my mind to the possibilities, allowing me to accept it from someone elses perspective, and then bringing it into my own perspective in terms of my own understanding and reality... I know quite a few even preachers that are powerful in the Word, but they are powerful in intellect... raw intellect 100% by itself rejects God... you have to almost throw it out and learn it from a spiritual aspect in order for it to start turning on the light bulbs within... contrary to some people though God is very much logical if you are willing to accept it on spiritual terms
Not to use a Bible story, but I feel that it clarifies it... Christ was rejected and killed not because he necessarily did something wrong... its just the people that rejected him could not accept the spiritualism that he was trying to bring into a very intellectualistic Judaism ... some of the things he spoke of seemed completely backwards, contradictory, impossible, and generally offensive to how they thought, lived, and did business.... only those who were willing to toss out their mindstate and enter into his and see it from his perspective were able to make sense out of whatever it was that Christ was to them...