Nightmares vs Legend24

[Nightmares]

If Nightmares is cool with that, then go ahead.

If you decide to change your vote, edit out your last one and post again with a new explanation.

I'm cool with whatever you are cool with.

 

[major pain]

Ok, still Legend.... lol

 

[Tha Killa]

Well Nightmares made the rules with 20 lines max. So I take that as you can use as little or as many as you like? Anyways Legend has my vote. I've never judged these before, but his made me go "ok that was nice" more than NIghtmares.

I'm sorry but I can't count this vote without a better explanation than this. When you're judging a battle here in LE, you judge on these criteria. Basically, which verse had the better:

Punchlines: Self explanatory
Multis/Multi-Syllabic Rhyming: Self explanatory
Flow: Which verse flowed better than the other as you read it?
Personals: Which verse "went in" harder than the other? Which MC incorporated more info about his opponent into his verse the most brutally?
Wordplay: Who had the most puns, metaphors, similes and other plays on words?
Delivery: Who executed their verse better? Basically, who incorporated all of the above into their verse, in the most cohesive way?
Impact: Which verse "hit" you harder? Which was the more enjoyable read of the two
Structure: Which verse had the better structure of the two, and was easiest to read?

I'm gonna copy and paste that for the LE Rules thread I'm about to create. Now that there are battlers in here, it's long overdue.

 

[Tha Killa]

If you see this dude..warn a brotha/
Cuz I got warrants..and he's more a sucka/2
That reminds me of a cop that was born a "mother", what's more, he suffas../
Cuz he was never in charge, i'm a "bad mofo", so i'm born to fuck ya/4

To be honest, this intro was lacking any kind of focus or direction. I like the effort, but if the bolded is the best punchline in your opening 4 bars, your next 12-16 will have to be nothing short of exceptional to give you a legitimate shot at winning against a formidable opponent. I remember you saying that you're not really a battler, and neither am I, so I can definitely understand what it's like to be kinda rusty. So I'll cut you some slack here.

Ima "use you to get mine" like a porno rubba/
Cuz I could "beat you all day" like go to war with drummas/6
"Legend 24" you'll suffa this year like Kobe when I bring the "Heat"/
Ima three headed monster, never gonna lose when I "King" the beat/8

This is a major step up from the previous 4 bars, and are much more unique/clever than your intro. The only knock I'd have on it is that last line, 'cause while I get the meaning behind it, it just doesn't resonate with me like the "I could beat you all day like I go to war with drummas" line. Imo, of course

I'm ending you at the beginning, your raps are self-destructing, especially tonight/
Cuz the only way you "make a path to the top" is with a machete on a hike/10
Did I mention... he's second ..to my rhymes, so attractive-and-they-know../
He's threatened.. What Legend?... His "fire has been extinct" like an inactive-volcano/12

I sense a momentum building, as if the weaker first 4 bars was intentional. My only knock on this section is that it doesn't flow very well with the preceding 8 bars, and it took me a second to adjust to the new cadence. The bolded was fucking dope though. Nice wordplay there man.

I've never seen anyone "spit more dry" than than the last time his girlfriend literally gave me a BLOW job/
This is so "UNexciting" like my dick turning into a raisin when her shirt go off/14
I'd rather battle it's over: 2012, at least he sounds half smart/
This "jackass is more stupid" than Johnny Knoxville reading a graph chart/16

To be honest, this section was decent, but it didn't build off of the momentum of your last 4 bars. And the first two lines of this section are kinda "meh" to me. None of the punches really stood out to me in this section. They were cool, just not eye opening. Ya know?

I'll turn you into a bigger sore loser and have you waking up sweating from Nightmares/
And saying "I'm scared" then you'll need somebody to hold your hand like childcare/18
Get some light air, I'll fly there to Toronto for your funeral because I care/
After I "destroy your life without your knowledge" like spy-ware/20

This conclusion to your verse was much better than the intro to it, but still kinda "meh" in the "make me say GODDAMN" category. It's decent, but I definitely think you could have ended on a much stronger note. Even though the Nightmares/I'm scared/childcare line was pretty nice, the last two didn't hit has hard as it could have. I think overall this was a solid verse from a non-battler/someone who's been outta practice for a minute.

Let me take this new cat in and initiate him
Make him regret his decision to offer his participation
I pawn rooks, so mate, check your ego
Cause ain't no white knight coming to be your hero

This was a nice, solid intro to your verse, and though you didn't come out the gate swingin' like I like to see in a battle, verse, it was still had a decent punchline with the chess wordplay in the last 2 lines

I dodge your lines like a former coke fiend institutionalized
Then relapse for this appearance and start abusing your rhymes
You ain't no nightmare dawg, you unicorns and rainbows
About as harmless as a police officer in plain clothes

You started to pick up steam a lil' bit for me in these lines and had me feelin' it until the plain clothes police officer line. I don't know how they do it up there, but cops still hate niggas whether they're in uniform or not.

Your mother gave birth to you, afterwards, she couldn't sleep
That's about the closest you've ever come to haunting dreams
You been reclusive ever since, I'm here to crack you open
Keep you living in your fears, truer words have never been spoken

This here was just weaksauce. You almost had him on the ropes and let him slide with this stanza. It's kind of a typical/obvious play on his name, but you could have been waaaay more clever than that. Seems like you were running out of ideas with the bolded.

You joined the IC looking for acceptance
I regret to inform you that you've been misdirected
I'm that demon that you dread, the monster under your bed
I'm your motherfuckin nightmare pullin inception in your head

I'm usually against dwelling on a certain aspect your opponent for too long, but you made a way better punchline with the nightmare/Inception shit. Even though the 1st two lines are not that great for the last 8 bars of a verse.

Implanting you with an idea making you believe you can defeat me
You ain't dreaming no more, in this world, you can't beat me
You're still playin my game even if I infiltrate your city there
Shut down the lights in your head so have a good night-mayor (nightmare).

The last 2 lines was better than the first two, but like Nightmares, this conclusion to your verse is lacking imo. Maybe because this is your first battle here. You do have skills though and with some practice you can/probably WILL get better, and keep practicing.

With all of that said:

Punchlines: Legend by a slight margin
Multis: Tie
Flow: Legend
Personals: Tie...neither had that many personals, but if I HAD to vote, my vote would prolly go to Nightmares in a close on.
Wordplay: Legend
Delivery: I'd say tie
Impact: I'd say Legend's verse stood out to me more. Even though with Nightmare's edit, he closed the gap in a big way.
Structure: Tie

Winner: Legend

It was a good battle though fellas, I'm glad to see none of that beef shit in this thread, and I look forward to the both of ya'll stickin' around a while

 

[Legend24]

Cool, thanks for the in-depth analysis Killer... that's why I'm doing these battles.

Still 2-0 for me since Major Pain's vote no longer counts. You gotta give a more detailed explanation if you want your vote to count bro.

I know other people are reading these verses, so drop some feedback.

 

[esco soprano]

I know I cant vote....yet. But this is one of the better battles on here. I hope to get into things soon but not interested in fightin my iPhone to post verses but this and a few battles have my juices flowing again. The line where "your girl's shirt came off" was nuts lol. I chuckled aloud on that one kid. Peace.