KEEP IT REAL - How Hard is it for You to Communicate the Difficult Issues with your S/O?

[Kat]

lol..see that would have me like, "Well maybe you should be single!"

Part of being in a relationship is putting in the work to make it work and sometimes that means discussing uncomfortable topics.

 

[it's me bi***es]

The worst part is I have been honest with my girl about the shit I say when I am angry. But yet she seems to want to put me in a position to say the wrong thing. I think sometimes its a powerplay because if we say the wrong thing, it makes them think they win.

[/quote]

IM HONEST ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND THEN THAT TURNS INTO "UR AN ASSHOLE" OR "STOP THROWING SHIT IN MY FACE" ETC... I HATE THAT SHIT CUZ IM JUST BEING HONEST AND SHE TURNS IT INTO SUMTHING ELSE CUZ SHE CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH...

 

[7figz]

lol..see that would have me like, "Well maybe you should be single!"

Part of being in a relationship is putting in the work to make it work and sometimes that means discussing uncomfortable topics.

I wish a chick would say something like that to me. I'd be out before she could finish the sentence.

It's not that I'm not willing to compromise but I don't take ultimatums well.

It's about timing too, maybe dude just don't want to talk about it at that particular moment, or all the damn time.

 

[Kat]

Then he needs to say that.."I feel like I want to be left the fuck alone" during an discussion/argument with your girl is not the best choice of words.

 

[MrLunatik1979]

lol..see that would have me like, "Well maybe you should be single!"

Part of being in a relationship is putting in the work to make it work and sometimes that means discussing uncomfortable topics.

oh I know and I would never say that to her, like she never says what you said to me. I really do think there is a happy medium where she gets some of her simmer down time and so do I. Maybe if its just laying in the dark next to each other with headphones on... I dunno... but I guess I will find out next time we fight lol.

Fortunately the fighting is pretty rare, we do a good job of not getting on each others nerves despite being in a 1 bedroom apartment.

 

[AZTG]

one thing me and my girl never do is have shouting matches. I let her know from day 1 that not a single person on earth could yell at me, and she understood that. Also I have never once yelled at her, during out biggest problems, biggest fights, and the time we broke up, all those arguments happened with a nice tone and not no yelling.

and pride is a motherfucker. my girl gets prideful at times, and I warn her about the outcome if she continues. I made her do the most embarrassing things to apologise when she got prideful, it was to break down her pride. She learned her lesson for the most part and doesn't get prideful anymore, and if she does, I make her do some more degrading shit

 

[Kat]

lmao...wtf?

like what?

 

[AZTG]

lmao...wtf?

like what?

I don't remember most of it. last time where we had a small problem, and the problem got blown up only because of her pride I told her not to call me till she calls me to apologise, so she got more prideful and said something like no way ima call you, so I said yo If you never call me that's cool, you got until 8 before I consider myself single, and because of your last prideful outburst, you gotta call me and say, "I'm sorry my pride got in the way of my thinking and I'm very very stupid" hahahaha. yo she had such a hard time doing it. She tezted me at like 7.45 and said are you sure? I ain't answer, and at like 7.55 she called me and said it.

Lesson was learnt though. ever since every time her pride gets in the way, I warn her and she takes a deep breath and gets rid of the pride.

Take notes motherfuckers

 

[gorilla]

I had some communication issues with my wife that we had to iron out. She don't like confrontation at all even to the point of a heated discussion not even full blown argument. Neither do I but sometimes shit gotta be addressed. On the other hand, I've had such a problem in the past with expressing my feelings in a way that didn't come across as fuck this or fuck that, that now when I have an issue I marinate on it for a minute to address it in a direct but non attacking way.

Communication is something that's overlooked in upbringing as a child and then as adults, we men don't know how to deal with feelings or emotions and women just let theirs run fuckin rampant and drive us crazy lol

 

[Kat]

Communication is something that's overlooked in upbringing as a child and then as adults, we men don't know how to deal with feelings or emotions and women just let theirs run fuckin rampant and drive us crazy lol

Yeah I really feel like this is an issue for men.

It's almost like any sign of emotion or expression of feeling will be seen as weakness or 'female shit'.

And not to bring race into it, but in my experiences black men are WAYYYYYY more shielded with their emotions/feelings than white men.

 

[gorilla]

Communication is something that's overlooked in upbringing as a child and then as adults, we men don't know how to deal with feelings or emotions and women just let theirs run fuckin rampant and drive us crazy lol

Yeah I really feel like this is an issue for men.

It's almost like any sign of emotion or expression of feeling will be seen as weakness or 'female shit'.

And not to bring race into it, but in my experiences black men are WAYYYYYY more shielded with their emotions/feelings than white men.

Well you gotta remember, as boys at the first sign of a tear in our eye we gettin punched in the chest and told to man up. I ain't against it cuz I can't lil crybaby ass dudes, but we're not taught how to deal with emotions at all. So I try my best to teach my son how to deal with that stuff. He got a temper like me so he deals with stuff the way I used to but I'm tryna get him outta that. On top of that, we're shielded and guarded cuz we like to figure out shit on our own. If something broke we workin out the fix in our heads but not sayin shit or sometimes think it'll just go away. Might not make sense, but again we ain't taught this growin up

 

[Recaptimus_Prime360]

in the beginning it wasn't the easiest thing, i guess we each had different communication styles. i like to talk about things in great detail (ad nauseum perhaps) and he just likes to talk about things once and be done with them.

i've always been an open kind of person, if you are close to me, i have no problem telling you how i feel about anything, i've had to learn the best way to express that, my methods haven't always been the most tactful (i've learned tho). but he is the strong silent type for the most part, so it wasn't always easy for him to communicate like needed.

it's really a learning by trial and error really. you communicate improperly, you reflect on it and realize you may've been wrong, then try not to repeat those kinds of mistakes. sometimes it might take some big hubab in order to spark a real candid discussion, the kind of discussion that really change your relationship for the better

having been together for 8 years, we pretty much know each other so well now, that it's real easy to communicate and say what your feeling, but we really had to put in a lot of work to get it that way

sorry for the titangraph

Isn't that the damn truth...I HATE that it has to get like that though, so I'll just refrain completely, but that's not good either.

Nice post kai.

Anywhoo, me and the current just had a discussion last nite about this. We got into a disagreement the other night b/c she was in her Monica mood. I got mad about how we got off the phone, but I didn't let her know. I'm not use to being open and expressing my feelings. Mainly b/c I couldn't do that wit my ex. So I was use to keeping everything in. Couldn't really go to her b/c she always avoided face to face. Instead, opted to hide behind emails like a coward.

Now tho, the current actually wants me to let her know if I'm upset over a arguement we may have. That way we can talk about it, and resolve the issue. A nigga ain't use to that. It was was quite welcoming. Gotta get use to that I guess.

 

[BeardedFreak]

Give examples of what kind of issues y'all find hard to communicate?

 

[unRealLady1]

no it's hard to communicate that the men he heard I was creeping with, mistresses are plotting on him. they are mad because they thought I was creeping with their men when I was not. People shouldnt spread rumors, because the women that are really sleeping with these men get jealous!

 

[Recaptimus_Prime360]

i just feel like if i should be able to be 100% open and honest with anybody it should be my wife..so i mean she respects that, and while it may come off as harsh sometimes...it's appreciated that i'm being as real as i can be...

she beginning to do the same thing... and it's refreshing to have someone finally be as honest to me as i am to everyone else round me...

im all for honesty, but not at the expense of trying to belittle me in the process...

i get you're mad, but im still your s/o...talk to me with some respect, im not your co worker...

oh i hate that s@@@. don't talk AT me, talk to me. again, ex was good for that s@@@. talkin at me like i was damn child. that's a sure fire way for me to shut down, and ignore anything else being said after that. i don't mind disagreeing, but when you start coming at me like i'm stupid and don't know any better, then there's no point in me even continuing the convo.

 

[blackrain]

Alot of men have to get pushed to anger to be candid.

Why do I have to get you heated for you to come out with how you REALLY feel?

Well one reason for that is because growing up the only time we're allowed to express how we feel is when we get angry, otherwise we're looked at as soft. So unless some dudes are mad, they don't know how to start talking/yelling about whatever is upsetting them.

 

[blackrain]

I had some communication issues with my wife that we had to iron out. She don't like confrontation at all even to the point of a heated discussion not even full blown argument. Neither do I but sometimes shit gotta be addressed. On the other hand, I've had such a problem in the past with expressing my feelings in a way that didn't come across as fuck this or fuck that, that now when I have an issue I marinate on it for a minute to address it in a direct but non attacking way.

Communication is something that's overlooked in upbringing as a child and then as adults, we men don't know how to deal with feelings or emotions and women just let theirs run fuckin rampant and drive us crazy lol

This is started by parents doing simple shit like responding with "Because I said so'...alot of people see that as ok because "children are supposed to stay in a child's place" but you also fail to show them how to communicate how they feel...then people grow up feeling like they never have to explain or justify how or why they feel a certain way...just think that how they feel is always right

 

[Ms.Scorp]

Pride is a problem I have too, so sometimes I'll just sit back and let shit build up when it could've been addressed early on.

My Husband also has a habit of not addressing shit outright, so that's our major issue we're working on.

Once we get it out in the open we're good though.

 

[haute]

depends on the issue

He's not the greatest expressing himself, but if its bothering me I have to talk about it

I hate when things are left to linger

 

[Sour-Cream]

Alot of men have to get pushed to anger to be candid.

Why do I have to get you heated for you to come out with how you REALLY feel?

This must be a Texas thing and this shit pisses me the fuck off. Why push me to anger if you can't handle it?

These women will shit talk you and get sensitive as fuck when you do it back to them. That's just some fake shit.