I'm starting to think you cant treat a woman better than what she's used to.

[Hendrix]

Tell us your story.

This is long but I needed to vent about it anyway. I had been dating/talking to this girl for 6 months but next week we will be living in different states because I’m finishing up school and she’s going back home to attend grad school in another state. The other night I told her that I wanted a relationship despite this and she said no. When we first started talking, I told her I was looking for a relationships but she said she wants to “be free” and that she is sick of being a girlfriend. I was cool with that at first but then I developed stronger feelings over time.

In terms of red flags, she made a few really questionable comments about sex and relationships that I overlooked because I didn‘t care at first (later on I overlooked them because I liked her a lot). She said her ex, who was her “dream” guy, told her that she isn’t as important to him as working on his music (she got clingy when after their relationship turned into a long distance thing and he got really busy I guess). They dated for over 2 years and she really, really loved him. Besides that, she made a couple comments about sex that made me do a double-take (I‘m not going to write her comments but they each made me think “I can‘t believe she just said that“). Also, she said she wants to “be free” and not have to worry about how a guy feels if she‘s going to the club or to a party. The other day I said we’d be a good couple since we don’t have heated/serious arguments and she said couples are supposed to argue and go through struggles.

Even though she said she’s tired of relationships and whatever, I feel like all of that would have gone out the window if I was her “perfect“ guy. I felt like I was just a placeholder, even though I never treated her bad, never yelled, never degraded her, never tried to make her feel guilty about things. I made her a priority and treated her as well as I could have And when she goes back home I can see her getting back in touch with her ex (the guy she was so deeply in love with but he preferred his music). She said they would never date again but you know how that goes. Plus, she just told me that they still talk once a month and I didn’t know that.

Disclaimer: It hurts but I don’t want to make her seem evil or mean or anything, because she‘s a good person and we will still be friends. She was honest with me from the beginning, she never outright disrespected me, she never left me hanging or blew me off. She told me she didn’t want a relationship at the start but I still caught feelings. Though she was sending mixed signals (getting mad when I didn’t call her regularly even though she told me she didn’t want a relationship) she isn’t to blame for what I allowed myself to do. She made it clear, I saw all of those signs, and that’s what happens. I really cared about her though. I still do, but she wants to be free and I can’t force her to be in a relationship with me, no matter how well I would treat her.

 

[motrilla]

You can't it's the old give respect to get respect scenario you can't treat a chick any better than what she expects she deserves other wise you're truly simping and fucking up the game

 

[Cabana_Da_Don]

late last night i was up pondering one of my past relationships. One of the few in which i tried to remain faithful.

This girl had never had a "good man", and i had set out to be that dude for her. It was a challenge but i went a good while without being unfaithful. Something strange would happen though: The more devoted i was, the less interested in me she seemed. Almost felt like i was being taken for granted.

But whenever i would stray, or have a sidepiece, it was almost like she was more drawn to me. I was never caught cheating; but nights where i'd be harder to reach or days were i really didnt say much to her were always followed by me being treated like a king. We eventually broke up though.

At the time, i really didnt put much thought into it. But looking back, it almost seemed like in order for her to really appreciate a man, he had to treat her badly. Thoughts?

how old are you nigga.

 

[Hendrix]

This is long but I needed to vent about it anyway. I had been dating/talking to this girl for 6 months but next week we will be living in different states because I’m finishing up school and she’s going back home to attend grad school in another state. The other night I told her that I wanted a relationship despite this and she said no. When we first started talking, I told her I was looking for a relationships but she said she wants to “be free” and that she is sick of being a girlfriend. I was cool with that at first but then I developed stronger feelings over time.

In terms of red flags, she made a few really questionable comments about sex and relationships that I overlooked because I didn‘t care at first (later on I overlooked them because I liked her a lot). She said her ex, who was her “dream” guy, told her that she isn’t as important to him as working on his music (she got clingy when after their relationship turned into a long distance thing and he got really busy I guess). They dated for over 2 years and she really, really loved him. Besides that, she made a couple comments about sex that made me do a double-take (I‘m not going to write her comments but they each made me think “I can‘t believe she just said that“). Also, she said she wants to “be free” and not have to worry about how a guy feels if she‘s going to the club or to a party. The other day I said we’d be a good couple since we don’t have heated/serious arguments and she said couples are supposed to argue and go through struggles.

Even though she said she’s tired of relationships and whatever, I feel like all of that would have gone out the window if I was her “perfect“ guy. I felt like I was just a placeholder, even though I never treated her bad, never yelled, never degraded her, never tried to make her feel guilty about things. I made her a priority and treated her as well as I could have And when she goes back home I can see her getting back in touch with her ex (the guy she was so deeply in love with but he preferred his music). She said they would never date again but you know how that goes. Plus, she just told me that they still talk once a month and I didn’t know that.

Disclaimer: It hurts but I don’t want to make her seem evil or mean or anything, because she‘s a good person and we will still be friends. She was honest with me from the beginning, she never outright disrespected me, she never left me hanging or blew me off. She told me she didn’t want a relationship at the start but I still caught feelings. Though she was sending mixed signals (getting mad when I didn’t call her regularly even though she told me she didn’t want a relationship) she isn’t to blame for what I allowed myself to do. She made it clear, I saw all of those signs, and that’s what happens. I really cared about her though. I still do, but she wants to be free and I can’t force her to be in a relationship with me, no matter how well I would treat her.

After all of that I just got the "I need some space" text from her. I'm hurting bad but its still my fault for ignoring those red flags and putting myself in this position. Stupid.

 

[Bully_Pulpit]

After all of that I just got the "I need some space" text from her. I'm hurting bad but its still my fault for ignoring those red flags and putting myself in this position. Stupid.

Gotdayum nigga you on some bridget jones diary shit, Im sorry im not gonna read all that. I say that to say this.....Its just another learning experience, you took a L so what? Nut up nigga.

 

[MsTADOWW]

women are ass backwards bruh

they dont know what the hell they want in life or in a man

I agree lol,

 

[MissLeading]

This is long but I needed to vent about it anyway. I had been dating/talking to this girl for 6 months but next week we will be living in different states because I’m finishing up school and she’s going back home to attend grad school in another state. The other night I told her that I wanted a relationship despite this and she said no. When we first started talking, I told her I was looking for a relationships but she said she wants to “be free” and that she is sick of being a girlfriend. I was cool with that at first but then I developed stronger feelings over time.

In terms of red flags, she made a few really questionable comments about sex and relationships that I overlooked because I didn‘t care at first (later on I overlooked them because I liked her a lot). She said her ex, who was her “dream” guy, told her that she isn’t as important to him as working on his music (she got clingy when after their relationship turned into a long distance thing and he got really busy I guess). They dated for over 2 years and she really, really loved him. Besides that, she made a couple comments about sex that made me do a double-take (I‘m not going to write her comments but they each made me think “I can‘t believe she just said that“). Also, she said she wants to “be free” and not have to worry about how a guy feels if she‘s going to the club or to a party. The other day I said we’d be a good couple since we don’t have heated/serious arguments and she said couples are supposed to argue and go through struggles.

Even though she said she’s tired of relationships and whatever, I feel like all of that would have gone out the window if I was her “perfect“ guy. I felt like I was just a placeholder, even though I never treated her bad, never yelled, never degraded her, never tried to make her feel guilty about things. I made her a priority and treated her as well as I could have And when she goes back home I can see her getting back in touch with her ex (the guy she was so deeply in love with but he preferred his music). She said they would never date again but you know how that goes. Plus, she just told me that they still talk once a month and I didn’t know that.

Disclaimer: It hurts but I don’t want to make her seem evil or mean or anything, because she‘s a good person and we will still be friends. She was honest with me from the beginning, she never outright disrespected me, she never left me hanging or blew me off. She told me she didn’t want a relationship at the start but I still caught feelings. Though she was sending mixed signals (getting mad when I didn’t call her regularly even though she told me she didn’t want a relationship) she isn’t to blame for what I allowed myself to do. She made it clear, I saw all of those signs, and that’s what happens. I really cared about her though. I still do, but she wants to be free and I can’t force her to be in a relationship with me, no matter how well I would treat her.

I dont get it. The girl told you she didn't want a relationship, she didn't want to be someones girlfriend and she's obviously still dealing with a bad break up in which she had deep feelings involved, why would put yourself into something that you should have known would have only ended in you getting hurt?

When she told you she didn't want a relationship and you know you did then you should have moved on. Staying and thinking you could convince her otherwise is why you feel the way you do now. You set yourself up for that one.

 

[MissLeading]

After all of that I just got the "I need some space" text from her. I'm hurting bad but its still my fault for ignoring those red flags and putting myself in this position. Stupid.

Im glad you realize it is your fault for the situation you're in. This is something men and women should realize. If you meet someone and they tell about their past relationships and they tell they're not ready for another relationship or they give you vibes that they are not used to being treated well by men and probably won't know how to deal with a good guy, don't set yourself up by getting involved and thinking by being good to them you can make them see the light or convince them that being with you will make then happy.

You're setting yourself up to be pissed and hurt. Get with women who want what you want and think like you think.

 

[s_a_m_r_i_o]

After all of that I just got the "I need some space" text from her. I'm hurting bad but its still my fault for ignoring those red flags and putting myself in this position. Stupid.

Did you hit it? Well in your situation, we can't blame the female, it was you who caught feelings.

The lesson today is don't talk to a female if she hasn't got over her ex because if you invest time, she'll waste it by still communicating with her ex.

Females don't know how to drop a dude and move on to the next, her feellings follow.

 

[American.Loo]

I dont get it. The girl told you she didn't want a relationship, she didn't want to be someones girlfriend and she's obviously still dealing with a bad break up in which she had deep feelings involved, why would put yourself into something that you should have known would have only ended in you getting hurt?

When she told you she didn't want a relationship and you know you did then you should have moved on. Staying and thinking you could convince her otherwise is why you feel the way you do now. You set yourself up for that one.

I agree. It was clear her feelings were still wrapped up in another dude.

Even if she had agreed to be your girl, she woulda been out with you, but thinking about him.

 

[Hendrix]

I dont get it. The girl told you she didn't want a relationship, she didn't want to be someones girlfriend and she's obviously still dealing with a bad break up in which she had deep feelings involved, why would put yourself into something that you should have known would have only ended in you getting hurt?

When she told you she didn't want a relationship and you know you did then you should have moved on. Staying and thinking you could convince her otherwise is why you feel the way you do now. You set yourself up for that one.

Im glad you realize it is your fault for the situation you're in. This is something men and women should realize. If you meet someone and they tell about their past relationships and they tell they're not ready for another relationship or they give you vibes that they are not used to being treated well by men and probably won't know how to deal with a good guy, don't set yourself up by getting involved and thinking by being good to them you can make them see the light or convince them that being with you will make then happy.

You're setting yourself up to be pissed and hurt. Get with women who want what you want and think like you think.

You're right. I realize its my fault and I said that more than once in those posts. I don't know why I put myself in that situation. I guess I thought I could keep myself from catching feelings but I'm not the type of guy who can have sex with a girl and not develop feelings. I was hoping she would see the light, and she did for a minute, but it was too late because we were about to move to different states by then. And like I said, I'm not trying to paint her in a bad light or anything because she never did anything to hurt me on purpose. I just felt like venting.

 

[Hendrix]

Did you hit it? Well in your situation, we can't blame the female, it was you who caught feelings.

The lesson today is don't talk to a female if she hasn't got over her ex because if you invest time, she'll waste it by still communicating with her ex.

Females don't know how to drop a dude and move on to the next, her feellings follow.

Yeah we did everything that a bf/gf would do, sex included.

I agree. It was clear her feelings were still wrapped up in another dude.

Even if she had agreed to be your girl, she woulda been out with you, but thinking about him.

You're right. I didn't know she was still talking to him until later though. But still, I should know better by now.

 

[bootcheese3000]

When a person becomes accustomed to a certain kind of behavior and being treated a certain way it can definitely skew their idea of what they should be treated like. That could even come from a parent who abuses their child be it physical, emotional/verbal. Well they are the parent, the one who is supposed to protect and love them the most. That treatment gets passed on and their entire perception of love is actually nothing close to what it actually is. "He beat me so he must love me."

Pain can become nearly addictive for those who don't know anything better. They don't want to hurt per say, but subconsciously they seek it, true love and happiness is foreign to them. Masochists you can say.

This part however can just be pure human foolishness. The "chase" is more thrilling to some and once that is over, they become bored, uninspired. That and some only start to care when they feel they have something to lose.

the last part of your quote couldn't be more true when it comes to alot of women. most women ARE attracted to bad boys and ruffnecks and i have a theory as to why:

--their parents always forbade them to date these kinda guys because they were "dangerous", and there was nothing more rebellious to teenage girls than to date a bad boy. some outgrow it while others became addicted to it. when you're dealing with the suburban broads this rings true.

--some ladies lacked a father so a bad boy is considered a father figure due to their rough forceful treatment of these women so they cling to them because the relationship fills that void that they've been lacking. like you stated "if he abuses me then he must love me", as if they NEED/feel the NEED to be disciplined.

--females LOVE drama and there's nothing more dramatic than dating a guy that treats them like shit, steals from them, cheats on them, beats them, and such. 1nce again look above for the lack of fulfillment.

and my personal favorite...................

--BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY CAN CHANGE THEM. this has to be the BIGGEST mistake alot of women make when seeking a mate. they practically go insane trying to change a man that doesn't want to be broken or domesticated, he's gonna be who he wants to be without someone trying to put shackles on him. for the ones that do somehow become domesticated the dynamic of the relationship changes. women become bored with the fact that the hunt is over and they got what they wanted so what's next? either dump him for another bad boy or cheat on him, whatever to add a change or excitement in their lives (1nce again look above for the drama explanation).

 

[bootcheese3000]

A good woman knows how to be submissive to her man. She isnt going to go around being SUBMISSIVE to all men, because that my friend makes her a whore. These days men got it twisted, they want a woman to be submissive to every man she see's and go around giving every man a wive's approach to determine if she is a good woman. You every heard of a pervert? A lot of of men are crossing the lines these days, so don't expect a good woman to be a woman who walks around with her guard let down. A good woman knows when to let her guard down and when to put them up. & she is not going to force herself into your life, boasting and bragging about her material possessions and how much of a good woman she is.

A good woman do not care if a MAN she is not pursuing validate her as being a good woman or not. She only cares about her prime interest ( and her FATHERS) opinion.

but don't you agree that this works both ways? relationships are 50/50 right? men have to be submissive every now and again. i'm not saying be whipped but at least compromise.

 

[bootcheese3000]

You have to understand most women don't even know what they want in a guy. Notice that you see women that will break up with someone and date the opposite.

that's true, women are HELLA indecisive, that's why they always want men to make decisions.

 

[_God_]

Hell nah b if a bitch use to getting dogged, who is you to fuck tradition up

 

[mohamed]

you answered your own question