Darxwell Translates the Bible 4 Modern Times

[Ducky]

.............

 

[DarcSkies]

and wasted time making a thread about it, when here was the place to be

I Corinthians 14: 34-37:

34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church

Translation: Shut your trap bitch this aint the damn hair salon. If u got a question ask ya man cuz let u hoes get to talking u'll never stfu and we'll never get out of here in time to catch the game. I repeat...S.T.F.U.

 

[King Erauno]

LMAO this shit is classic...im over here dying.

 

[Koko888]

Deuteronomy 29 v 5-6: 'During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet. You ate no bread and drank no wine or other fermented drink. I did this so that you might know that I am the Lord your God'.

 

[DarcSkies]

Deuteronomy 29 v 5-6: 'During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet. You ate no bread and drank no wine or other fermented drink. I did this so that you might know that I am the Lord your God'.

Translation: My nigga I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!

 

[haute]

Translation: My nigga I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!

Rofl

Lolololol

Jezus

 

[Koko888]

Translation: My nigga I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!

Hahaha. Funny ass thread.

 

[Disciplined InSight]

Written by Blacks, edited by whites. Like Rock and Roll.

This right here..

 

[Dakari]

"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days."
(Leviticus 12:5)

 

[junegemini]

LMAO....you forgot " Day 7 this mf'er was lampin'!

day 7 was a day of rest...aint much happen that day

 

[bdbdbd]

Translation: An old head was minding his own damn business just walking to Bethel and some lil bad ass kids start clowning him about his hair loss and shit. So dude was like, "Fuck yall niggas in the Name of Jesus."

Then some bears came out of nowhere and ate them.

funniest shit ever

 

[glowy]

Genesis 19

24Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

 

[FieldTripsToTheHood]

day 7 was a day of rest...aint much happen that day

SMH

Lampin': (v) verb - To just chill back and relax while being totally unproductive.

 

[jackthemack]

Here's my version:

http://thebiblemovie.blogspot.com/2010/11/smokeurobinson-presentsthe-bible-movie.html

this thread was the greatest shit I ever seen in Ill Pix.

 

[Nthngis4vr]

good thread

 

[DarcSkies]

"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days."
(Leviticus 12:5)

Translation: If the bitch give birth to a girl she dirty for 2-weeks. Straight up homie. Hard on Infant Hoes for 66 days mayne.

Genesis 19

24Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

Translation: God was droppin that hell Ether on eer last one of them gay ass niggas; people, animals, plants and all. If it was breathin it was dyin.

Homeboy's wife got out of pocket by looking back at the city and God was like, "bitch didnt I say dont look back? So u wanna be hard headed huh? U know what else is hard? SALT rock bitch..it aint a game hoe"

Here's my version:

http://thebiblemovie.blogspot.com/2010/11/smokeurobinson-presentsthe-bible-movie.html

Yo that was actually entertaining.

good thread

Thank you madam.

 

[haute]

*11 When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.
12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.
13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.
*14 When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?

Galatians 2:11-14

 

[Mdizzle9000]

Leviticus 25:44-45

Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property.

 

[DarcSkies]

*11 When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.

Translation: Cephas brought that drama straight to Antioch's face cuz the nigga knew he was dead ass wrong.

12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.

Translation: James used to break bread wit them Gentile niggas but when they fell through he straight fronted on them niggas cuz his boys was watchin.

13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.

Translation: His bandwagon riding ass homeboys did the same damn thing and even Barnabas was shocked at the blatant bitch-ass-ness.

*14 When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?

Galatians 2:11-14

Translation: I peeped that shit and was like, "Yo. Real talk u niggas is clowns. Frontin ass nigga u wasnt talking all that Gentile shit last night now was u?!"

 

[DarcSkies]

Leviticus 25:44-45

Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property.

Translation: Buy all ya Kizzy's & your Kuntas from across the border. But if push come to shove go head that nigga down the street that been getting on your nerves since he moved in last year would make a good slave too. Besides nobody will miss him.