Darxwell Translates the Bible 4 Modern Times

[DarcSkies]

five star thread

It was E2Sups idea I start this in the first place lol

deuteronomy 23:12-14

"Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you. "

Translation: Awww hell nah! Come on mayne! Dont just be shittin all on the sidewalk like u aint got no home training! Grab a shovel dig a hole and bury that shit for fuck sake! Last thing I need is Jesus telling eerbody I keep a dirty village.

; ) lol, you got me in stitches. haven't laughed this hard in a long time, omg my stomach hurts. any way, the thing that got me about that verse, is god's name Jealous? wtf, it says "the lord who's name is jealous". here all this time christians been callin him jesus

Most Christians believe in the Trinity, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. THats why they call Jesus God & the Lord, etc.

And yes. Apparently God thinks everybody is cheating on him.

 

[Dupac]

funny ass thread, i can't even front, ....

 

[DarcSkies]

I didnt expect the thread to be successful. But you just gave it the death sentence lol

 

[rip.dilla]

Trill shit.

T/S is a monster.

 

[DarcSkies]

Deuteronomy 25:11-12:
11 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the privates: 12 Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.

Translation: If two niggas is fighting and dude's chick calls herself defending her man by punching dude in the balls cut that bitch hand off. And neither one of u niggas better cape for that bitch neither.

Genesis 19:4-8:
4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them." 6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him 7 and said, "No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof."

Translation: So before bed all the gay niggas in the hood was lookin for sum homos that was down to fuck earlier that day. Lot was like, "damn homie dont bring that gay shit off up in here I aint bout dat life. I feel bad for u niggas cuz....dat shit nasty. Yall niggas need sum pussy BAD. I got two daughters aint never had no dick...fuck it...yall can fuck all u want. Follow me if u ready to stop being sum dick-in-the-booty ass niggas. But dont touch none of the dudes in my house...cuz I'll fuck your gay ass up."

 

[gns]

**posts in possible diamond thread** thread got potential.

thank u based darc

 

[DaFifthElement]

I was lookin for this thread all over GNS...sorry darkie they mighta dropped the guillotine on it

 

[DarcSkies]

I was lookin for this thread all over GNS...sorry darkie they mighta dropped the guillotine on it

I'm getting it moved back to GnS or donkey

Cuz I dont even post in this forum and didnt expect the thread to even go anywhere lol

 

[b*braze]

Ezekiel 23:19-20

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

She liked that Nigga dick.

 

[b*braze]

"For who the Lord loves he scorns and chastises, if you can endure the chastisement, God will deal with u as a son, and if you cant endure the chisetasment , God will deal with you as a Ho"

Lmao.......

 

[Dakari]

this shit is classic

 

[DarcSkies]

Oh shit...back from the dead like Christ!

R&R = Purgatory

 

[bull6599]

Petition to move Darx thread back to GNS

bull6599
edit: nvrmind LOL

 

[glowy]

Matthew 8:28-34 (King James Version)

28And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.
29And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?
30And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.
31So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.
32And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.
33And they that kept them fled, and went their ways into the city, and told every thing, and what was befallen to the possessed of the devils.
34And, behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus: and when they saw him, they besought him that he would depart out of their coasts.

 

[DarcSkies]

Matthew 8:28-34 (King James Version)

28And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.

Translation: Two dudes trippin off them shrooms was fighting like UFC on turbo til nobody could even get past them.

29And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?
30And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.
31So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.

Translation: They say Jesus and yelled "Yo, Im ashamed you gotta see me on lean like this Jesus. Please dont send me to hell before my time. Look just let a brotha walk over there to them pigs and you aint even gotta see me trip out on this shit yo.

32And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.
33And they that kept them fled, and went their ways into the city, and told every thing, and what was befallen to the possessed of the devils.

Translation: Jesus was like, "Nigga fuck outta here 4 I change my mind ol' wicked ass niggas." But suddenly the pigs all fell off a cliff, into the water and drowned.

The people taking care of the pigs got the fuck out of dodge and told eerbody back at the crib what happened...niggas was heated.

34And, behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus: and when they saw him, they besought him that he would depart out of their coasts.

Translation: he whole city came looking for this nigga and was like, "Ayo. I know you the son of God and all that shit but your ass done killed like 5-6 weeks worth of breakfast trying to cast out some damn demons. Sorry homie but u gone have to roll up outta here.....no disrespect but them pigs was money yo."

 

[DarcSkies]

pity bump.................

 

[haute]

*29Moses came down from Mount Sinai, carrying the two tablets with God’s words on them. His face was shining from speaking with the Lord, but he didn’t know it.
*30When Aaron and all the Israelites looked at Moses and saw his face shining, they were afraid to come near him. 31Moses called to them, so Aaron and all the leaders of the community came back to him. Then Moses spoke to them.

Exodus 34:29-31

 

[fiat_money]

Post resuscitation post.

 

[ineedpussy]

i slept on this thread. good idea though.

 

[ipodman]

24. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

25. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.

26. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Translation: God reminded Jacob his arms were too short to box with him. Jacob then informed the Lord, "I aint stupid nigga we aint boxing we wrestling" u owe a nigga a favor. Run that blessin homie or u aint gettin out this headlock.

27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

Translation: Who the fuck iz u nigga talking to me like that? What cho name is nigga? Ja--Jake? The fuc--- JACOB?!?

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Translation: Thats wack yo...change that shit to Israel. U been through sum bullshit in your life & word to Antoine Fisher u still standing! U still here!

29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

Translation: So what's your name then?

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

Translation: Fuck u need my government for homie? U dont know me like dat? Lemme go head and bless u right quick

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

Translation: God blessed his "Peniel" (no holy homo) and didnt even kill my nigga afterward.

bump

this nigga darxwell a got damn fool. lol