What are the Rules for Breaking up?

[2stepz_ahead]

I recently broke up with a really great girl because of some small things. It had been piling up for awhile, and I didn't want to keep dragging her through a relationship where it was clear she loved me more than I could ever love her. It was on the day of her graduation, which I couldn't attend because of work, and I don't know if I did the right thing. On one hand, it makes sense to get it done as quickly as possible. On the other hand, when she looks back on that day, whether the videos or photos, she will be reminded of that break-up. I talked to some friends about it, and got mixed views. In light of this break-up, I wanna know what your guys rules for break-ups are? Where do you guys stand on breaking up through text, taking someone out for a meal to break up with them, keeping them on social media after a break up, and all that shit?

the bolded is your first mistake....

honestly...time to grow up bruh

we all have our hiccups.

breaking up thru text is bitch nigga shit. if you afraid of the girl....then how was you with her and going to protect her? thats not the man way.

why keep an connection immediately after breaking up?

you want them to see you happy or sad?

take them out to dinner? for what? to say...this aint working...ill have one more drink and you pay for your own shit?

if you had the day to spare.....that should be more important that you spend it with her..but if you broke up on her graduation day....just know...thats a time in her life she will never get back and your negative and selfish ways dimmed her light or tarnished her shine.

and for what.

if you ever get her back and you dont go 110%

just dont be surprised if she looks at you like a lil nigga

That's not a mistake. The little things make up life brah. The fact that she doesn't put as much effort into her appearance anymore, or that she gets way too attached, or that her family is super scrutinizing of my future when her sisters have married guys that don't even have half the education I have, can't be ignored forever.

If being grown is about handling business it would be childish to just trudge along in a relationship because I don't want to let go.

but you stated things that can be fixed.

bruh....a good woman does not come along often especially in this new culture.

from what you have stated...it seems like something is bothering her or she me be feeling depressed about something....so her appearance and attachment can come from not feeling worthy.

and fukk her family, my nigga. whos family aint gonna look at a nigga fukkin they daughter, sister or whoever ..kinda crazy?

they want you to be the man they think she deserves. cant fault them for that....but dont punish her because of it either.

shit ..putting it all together....she might have been feeling between a rock and a hard place.

she might have been told...you look to good to be with him, he aint shit.

or hes a young nigga hes gonna cheat.

no telling what shes hearing or have to defend.

not once did you state you sat and talked to her about it.

how do you know it aint you?

you could be projecting and shes taking it on because she loves you and dont know how to handle it.

Sounds like dude just fell out of love with her. Once you no longer love someone, not much you can do about it. Best to be honest with yourself then to waste both of your time. This is not a marriage so the damage is minimal. What kills me about people is being in a relationship knowing they don't want to be in it. They rather just be unhappy instead of being honest.

i cosign everything you said.

but heres the thing....

just say you fell out of love.

like you said....you must be honest with yourself.

saying the "small things" relieves him of guilt for falling out of love if that was the case.

he fell out of love with a chick that was a great girl in his his words.

and your right...this aint marriage...but relationship growth prepare you for how you will handle marriage

 

[Chi Snow]

Ain't no rules; if you ain't feeling her, you ain't feeling her

You could be in the middle of dinner if it hits you. Tell her yall breaking up, drop ya half on the table, get up and walk out.

Problem solved

 

[twenty2]

I recently broke up with a really great girl because of some small things. It had been piling up for awhile, and I didn't want to keep dragging her through a relationship where it was clear she loved me more than I could ever love her. It was on the day of her graduation, which I couldn't attend because of work, and I don't know if I did the right thing. On one hand, it makes sense to get it done as quickly as possible. On the other hand, when she looks back on that day, whether the videos or photos, she will be reminded of that break-up. I talked to some friends about it, and got mixed views. In light of this break-up, I wanna know what your guys rules for break-ups are? Where do you guys stand on breaking up through text, taking someone out for a meal to break up with them, keeping them on social media after a break up, and all that shit?

the bolded is your first mistake....

honestly...time to grow up bruh

we all have our hiccups.

breaking up thru text is bitch nigga shit. if you afraid of the girl....then how was you with her and going to protect her? thats not the man way.

why keep an connection immediately after breaking up?

you want them to see you happy or sad?

take them out to dinner? for what? to say...this aint working...ill have one more drink and you pay for your own shit?

if you had the day to spare.....that should be more important that you spend it with her..but if you broke up on her graduation day....just know...thats a time in her life she will never get back and your negative and selfish ways dimmed her light or tarnished her shine.

and for what.

if you ever get her back and you dont go 110%

just dont be surprised if she looks at you like a lil nigga

That's not a mistake. The little things make up life brah. The fact that she doesn't put as much effort into her appearance anymore, or that she gets way too attached, or that her family is super scrutinizing of my future when her sisters have married guys that don't even have half the education I have, can't be ignored forever.

If being grown is about handling business it would be childish to just trudge along in a relationship because I don't want to let go.

What her family thinks of you and your future is none of your business...and unless she was adopting the same ideologies she shouldn't have been held accountable. Women get "attached"...the end... Some women also may "fall off" momentarily as far as upkeep...but in this case a little understanding may have been useful. You did say she just graduated and catchin degrees ain't no slouch shit. Maybe she had a lot on her plate (for HER standards...not by yours) and was feeling a bit overwhelmed... In those times focus typically gets shifted and maybe her concentration wasn't on bein all "glamourous" or a "bad bitch" or however she views it. But something that small more than likely could've been remedied with a conversation. Ion't know... You'd know better than I...

That is absolutely my business, especially when her fam is so involved in her life and they will be a part of any future I would have with her. I need to factor that in when considering the future.

You're right about the other stuff

If she was letting that rhetoric influence her then yes...I agree with you 100% because it would have had an impact on the relationship. But if she didn't pay them any mind then that background noise should have been viewed as just that...background noise...

But I'll take the bolded as "she was lettin them get in her ear"...

but why shouldnt she?

they been there from the beginning...

i would be more suspect of a chick who can drop or ignore her family easily.

but are their concerns about him legit?

No doubt. And you're right...they quite possibly have legit issues or concerns with him. And depending on how long they've been together, it should probably be expected (i.e. If they're fairly new). And not sayin she should just write them off at the drop of a dime but if I'm in a relationship...and we got years down the pipeline...and she still talkin bout "My mama said this..." or "My friends said that..." or "My sister think..."...I would take issue with that......unLESS their concerns are valid... But if it's me and her, it's me and her...period... And if these "issues" are something that she typically hasn't or wouldn't have a problem with under her own volition...but NOW she does simply because her fam don't like whatever it may be...then Ion't need that shit in my life... You can go live witcha fam'nem den...

 

[2stepz_ahead]

I recently broke up with a really great girl because of some small things. It had been piling up for awhile, and I didn't want to keep dragging her through a relationship where it was clear she loved me more than I could ever love her. It was on the day of her graduation, which I couldn't attend because of work, and I don't know if I did the right thing. On one hand, it makes sense to get it done as quickly as possible. On the other hand, when she looks back on that day, whether the videos or photos, she will be reminded of that break-up. I talked to some friends about it, and got mixed views. In light of this break-up, I wanna know what your guys rules for break-ups are? Where do you guys stand on breaking up through text, taking someone out for a meal to break up with them, keeping them on social media after a break up, and all that shit?

the bolded is your first mistake....

honestly...time to grow up bruh

we all have our hiccups.

breaking up thru text is bitch nigga shit. if you afraid of the girl....then how was you with her and going to protect her? thats not the man way.

why keep an connection immediately after breaking up?

you want them to see you happy or sad?

take them out to dinner? for what? to say...this aint working...ill have one more drink and you pay for your own shit?

if you had the day to spare.....that should be more important that you spend it with her..but if you broke up on her graduation day....just know...thats a time in her life she will never get back and your negative and selfish ways dimmed her light or tarnished her shine.

and for what.

if you ever get her back and you dont go 110%

just dont be surprised if she looks at you like a lil nigga

That's not a mistake. The little things make up life brah. The fact that she doesn't put as much effort into her appearance anymore, or that she gets way too attached, or that her family is super scrutinizing of my future when her sisters have married guys that don't even have half the education I have, can't be ignored forever.

If being grown is about handling business it would be childish to just trudge along in a relationship because I don't want to let go.

What her family thinks of you and your future is none of your business...and unless she was adopting the same ideologies she shouldn't have been held accountable. Women get "attached"...the end... Some women also may "fall off" momentarily as far as upkeep...but in this case a little understanding may have been useful. You did say she just graduated and catchin degrees ain't no slouch shit. Maybe she had a lot on her plate (for HER standards...not by yours) and was feeling a bit overwhelmed... In those times focus typically gets shifted and maybe her concentration wasn't on bein all "glamourous" or a "bad bitch" or however she views it. But something that small more than likely could've been remedied with a conversation. Ion't know... You'd know better than I...

That is absolutely my business, especially when her fam is so involved in her life and they will be a part of any future I would have with her. I need to factor that in when considering the future.

You're right about the other stuff

If she was letting that rhetoric influence her then yes...I agree with you 100% because it would have had an impact on the relationship. But if she didn't pay them any mind then that background noise should have been viewed as just that...background noise...

But I'll take the bolded as "she was lettin them get in her ear"...

but why shouldnt she?

they been there from the beginning...

i would be more suspect of a chick who can drop or ignore her family easily.

but are their concerns about him legit?

No doubt. And you're right...they quite possibly have legit issues or concerns with him. And depending on how long they've been together, it should probably be expected (i.e. If they're fairly new). And not sayin she should just write them off at the drop of a dime but if I'm in a relationship...and we got years down the pipeline...and she still talkin bout "My mama said this..." or "My friends said that..." or "My sister think..."...I would take issue with that......unLESS their concerns are valid... But if it's me and her, it's me and her...period... And if these "issues" are something that she typically hasn't or wouldn't have a problem with under her own volition...but NOW she does simply because her fam don't like whatever it may be...then Ion't need that shit in my life... You can go live witcha fam'nem den...

yes, time does play a part here. true true.

honestly....i wouldnt care unless it was effecting her behavior directly towards me.

they can say this and that...but if she says....im not gonna do this because such and such said this.....yea.....im gone..

shit even if their concerns are valid..move with me how you move and not like someone said you should.

i mean i would ask if it bothers her and ask if she said anything to them about it...but not everyone is built to confront their family.

shit my wifes cousins still talk about an inside joke we have but others dont understand...but they took literally...

still bring that shit up 8 yrs later...i just laugh an ask if they baby daddy in jail this month or what.

unless she changes...they dont matter. niggas gonna talk negative all day if they see happiness

 

[Stew]

Yea don't believe the gods made any rules to this shit, yall weren't married. She'll get over it but Karma might bite you.

 

[leftcoastkev]

Looking at the big picture I think you did the right thing. Although it possibly may seem like the wrong time it sounds like you did what you did to live your personal truth. Better that than leading someone on and ultimately becoming and displaying resentment.

 

[Shuffington]

Graduation Day?? lol ... I would say thats a flag on the play.

But... I was in a similar situation where I wanted to break up with my girl at the time, but I held tight hoping that she would grow and we would find solutions but that didn't happen... By the time I decided that I couldn't take it anymore... her birthday was fast approaching and I was officially in the Birthday 2 week window so I definitely couldn't break up now.

Essentially I had to get her a card, take her out and through that whole process I felt really conflicted.

So I didn't break up with her immediately after her birthday... I tried to work through it for the next couple of months but eventually she came to my house, I sat her down, and said that "I need to step away from US".

She hated my guts for a while but she got over it.. and maybe 6 or so months later we met up and I smanged.

Ive broken up with 3 other girl friends aswell and we managed to eventually become friends and they let me smash also. I didn't break up with the intention of f*cking them later down the line.... thats just how things happened.

But as long as you don't do some dirty sh*t like cheat, and f*ck sh*t up and you break up on some nobel sh*t...

they will eventually not hate you. Unless they're sh*tty people they can't blame you forever for being honest and upfront with them.

 

[Kat]

A woman may be in her feelings over being dumped, BUT once she moves past it she will respect you for making it a clean, non-trifling breakup.

 

[Lefty_]

Graduation day.......You super foul.

Am I supposed to pretend like everything is all gravy on her graduation, though? Give her an empty "i love you, too" when she says it to me? Smile in the pictures and fake it all for appearances, just to break up with her the next day? Something about being inauthentic like that rubbed me the wrong way, but maybe you're right and I gave too much weight to that shit and not enough to the importance of her graduation.

Hahahahhahahahaahha @LUClEN you ain't shit cuh. You actin like they announced the graduation with a 24 hour notice. If you was considerate, you could have broken up with her a few days before and let her use that graduation to give herself a fresh start. If I was with a chick that I professed my love to, I don't know about the rest of you niggas, but it's hard to just turn love off you know what i'm sayin, so if i'm not in love with her, i'm still going to love her and consider her feelings, and the feelings of those around her because real relationships low key mean you the whole family boyfriend too to an extent. Just because we can't be together don't mean she deserve to get treated horribly. Dumb foul.

I know you was there wit her while she was doing her school work and shit too nigga. I can detach myself from a relationship(outwardly) too when a bitch betray me, but damn, you said you'd never love her as much as she love you, so you do love her, or so you say, if you did, you'd at least want to protect her feelings on a special day for her.

 

[Stew]

Ultimately, you should've done it before her grad day since u knew it was coming, yea karma gonna get yo ass real good lol speaking from experience, it'll only hurt for a lilt bit :joy:

 

[Trillfate]

Yo TS, where's the pic?

U Break her heart on her Big day but posting pics is out of the question?

 

[LUClEN]

Two wrongs don't make a right

 

[2stepz_ahead]

interesting reads....

and what woman gonna respect you for breaking up on her graduation day?

where they do that at?

maybe she'll thank him for opening the door for someone with more understanding to love her. but this could scar her a long time and ruin it for niggas after him.

maybe i been outta the loop too long..but like lefty said......you said you loved her....which means you cared. shes at least owed a sit down.

honestly...they might warrant a visit from a male family member in some circles. shit, he just might have proved them right.

her loving him more? hmmmm

i think we can all love more or less at times.

i dont know...

maybe t/s needed time to find himself or sort thru somethings.....which is cool. nothing wrong with that.

i just dont believe in burning bridges regardless of time served.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

Looking at the big picture I think you did the right thing. Although it possibly may seem like the wrong time it sounds like you did what you did to live your personal truth. Better that than leading someone on and ultimately becoming and displaying resentment.

so was he leading her on the day before?

but the day after would have been leading he on? and possibly cause resentment?

we talking days..respect for someone he said he loved.

unless he says months...even weeks.....

falling out of love is a process....not a wake up one day thing. not a not getting your way thing. not a niggas talking thing.

maybe, im not seeing a point and would like to understand.

 

[Rozetta5tone]

You're gonna end up regretting the break up down the line.

Prepare yourself.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

Graduation day.......You super foul.

Am I supposed to pretend like everything is all gravy on her graduation, though? Give her an empty "i love you, too" when she says it to me? Smile in the pictures and fake it all for appearances, just to break up with her the next day? Something about being inauthentic like that rubbed me the wrong way, but maybe you're right and I gave too much weight to that shit and not enough to the importance of her graduation.

You're an inconsiderate idiot

You're right. I should have just pretended to love her until I died.

Or you couldve just been there for her cuz it was her day and then let her know after it was all over...Or told her beforehand what it was but u would still be there for support

My only rule is : Do it in person, that over the phone shit is for kids

So then the next day she can be all fucked up that all his niceness the day before was bullshit? She get to look back on that day and remember how fake he was actually being?

was he being fake or respect one of her life accomplishments.

what if.....(2stepz thoughts coming)

she was the first in her family to graduate college?

what if she was happy to be making her mother and family proud?

what if family came from outta town to celebrate her?

niggas cant even take her to dinner afterwards...cause she crying in the chilled shrimp bisque now.

 

[Trillfate]

Two wrongs don't make a right

I gave u feelings

 

[2stepz_ahead]

Two wrongs don't make a right

i give you props for this.....

im not trynna come down on you

just saying bruh.....

think about your sister, cousin, niece or even your daughter having this happen?

you not this cold bruh....

always think 360 not 180

 

[2stepz_ahead]

imma shut up now....go drink this cuban liquor an go to sleep.

recuardo

life time scars always start somewhere....

dont be that nigga who started it..be the nigga who can never be topped

 

[yellowtapesport]

when I graduated my girl at the time was beefin cuz I aint come home the night b4..she aint show up..fucked up my family's heads more than mine at the time.

Fast forward 2yrs we still together but relationship BEEN OVER..She graduates from Law School me and my moms go..felt extra fake the whole time around her family..

2weeks after that she moved back home (across the country) so we never had to officially 'break up.'

Moral of the story: FUCK THAT BITCH AND HER GRADUATION