This is my first song i wrote∧sang.I know some y'all honest2a fault,so, cool.Opinionswelcome

[Busta Carmichael]

ups is hiring my nigga

i'm not even being an asshole, this shit was woat

 

[grouchygreg]

lollllll

 

[luke1733]

This song sucks! Get it off, please delete this thread. Oh yeah, I did the music instruments too, or at least some of them I composed (did not play them).

 

[Busta Carmichael]

@grouchygreg

can you put back the old reaction system? the new one sucks

 

[mixtapedude]

my nigga taco bell got job opening

 

[luke1733]

yeah yeah somebody already used that on here with ups.

 

[SneakDZA]

I heard UPS is actually laying people off so I don't even know what to tell you.

 

[SneakDZA]

ooooh shit. i didn't see the soundcloud link before.

i'm dead.

 

[indyman87]

It takes you to a dark place.

 

[luke1733]

It takes you to a dark place.

thanks for reading or listening and commenting. I can take insults as you see from above, but it helps just to hear criticism that is critical of the art and doesn't read like some of the comments above that make me doubt they read the whole thing or listened to the music I wrote, sung and performed. I know my vocals ain't nothing at all, but for someone who never touched music and has a job waaaay different than entertainment I felt it was okay for somebody like that for my first song and that's why I produced it. Some folk act like I'm saying I am a singer or trying to kill the music industry. I'm just a dude who tried something and put effort in it because sometimes I do hear songs and poetry in my head----the same way I'm sure plenty folk do.

 

[Aquafina..floe]

ok let me start off by saying DO NOT LISTEN TO THE ABOVE POSTERS they are nothing but lame wannabe funny jumping on the bandwagon always trying to crack a fuckin joke towards somebody but are really some pussy ass niggas in real life that get punked on a daily so they get on the internet to try and come off like they about that bully life

second off i enjoyed the instrumental it was really nice and it seemed to match your concept...your vocals on it however were off...i could not understand a word you were saying..i could tell by the words and the beat if this was laid properly it would be a good song...i encourage you to keep up the good work..and dont let talentless people bring you down....its GOAT that you can write songs....i cant write for shit it takes me weeks on top of weeks to write a track

 

[LUClEN]

Don't listen to aquafina

she's fat

 

[goldenja]

I listened to it........

I can see you can write.. But you need to work on your vocals, it's not good

 

[luke1733]

Cool. That's helpful. Thanks and will do or maybe go to a studio instead of having no microphone and singing to the track I laid....or I could let someone else sing it. Thanks tho for the criticism

 

[alissowack]

I was really thrown off by the production (only because I didn't read the warning) which made it hard for me to follow the song.

I use to write poetry and I found out it is totally different from writing songs. I found that you kind have to keep it simple. It's like the imagery is more in the melody than the lyrics themselves so you have to build your lyrics that way. I'm glad you cleared up that you can't sing, though.

 

[x the unknown]

ups is hiring my nigga

i'm not even being an asshole, this shit was woat

lmao oh shit ether yo ass lmao oh shit that shit mad funny aint no coming back from that ether aye