PROMO TIME
- Low Ki wants people to know that he's going to win. His voice seriously never fit a guy like him.
- Homicide on the other hand is excellent and I could listen to him speak for hours. 'MY MOMS USED TA COOK ME SOME CHICKENS AND NOW I'M PISSED'. The whole promo is about how Homicide and his friend from the dirty south are going to wear masks for some reason or other. The promo's not great but Homicide is. Homicide is magical.
- Then we get Xavier telling someone that it's alright and that's just what the wrestling biz is like and I'm not sure what or why this happened, the guy he is talking to looks like a jobber for real.
- Finally Scoot Andrews and it is GREAT to be here. Seriously, for a guy who calls himself the Black Nature Boy he's the blandest bland blander in the world ever. He also looks about twenty years older than he probably is. And wears a Jacksonville Jaguars cap, but back then that team was decent.
- Actually, that's not entirely fair. There's a pretty cool spot where Xavier goes for a leg scissors and Scoot just flat out dumps him on his big stupid face. Also later on Xavier goes for a bulldog and Scoot just throws an awesomely stiff lariat. If Scoot had even the slightest hint of personality he'd probably have been way more interesting because he's definitely the best wrestler we've seen so far (although that's really not saying much) but he's just so bland.
- Xavier on the other hand is just pretty awful and I really wish I could describe it. I mean, it's not like he's outright bad at anything, he's just not very good at anything either. Jack of all trades and a master of fuck all.
- Okay, what annoys me most about early ROH is that for some reason it seems like everyone's gotta hit their finisher at least once a match because it seems like that's the only way they can build suspense and it's ridiculous. A finisher should be just that, it shouldn't be a transition. Espeically in a match like this where Scoot hits his finisher (which is a badass looking sitout pumphandle piledriver) and then loses to a neckbreaker. It makes Scoot and his finisher look weak but doesn't make Xavier look any stronger.
- Homicide and Boogalou's gimmick, right, let's see if I can explain this. They wear orange jumpsuits but they've not been in prison. They wear masks but they're not going to keep them on. They have a chainsaw and I don't feel I should need to explain why that's stupid and they also have a rubber chicken because of something to do with Homicide's hometown or something. Yeah, Ring of Honor is not gimmicked at all.
- And speaking of not having gimmicks, this match is being officiated by HC Loc who is hardcore for some reason. As far as I'm aware Loc never officiates in ROH again and his only purpose here is to DQ Homicide and Boogalou for -and I am not making this up- excessive use of a rubber chicken as a weapon. Then they beat him up because they're angry about that. All the while the chainsaw just sits at ringside and they never actually kill anyone. Pffft, they call themselves heels.
- I totally forgot to mention the Boogie Knights and that's because they're rubbish. They do have Joe Esposito's 'You're The Best!' (from Karate Kid) as their theme though and that's amazing-ly stupid
- Oh i forgot, Homicide takes out some of the crowd during a dive
- So Mace tells Buff E that they don't belong in ROH and Spanky dances behind them. Buff E clearly wants a piece of dat ass and tells Mace they do belong and then he pretends that he's getting a blow job -sigh-
- Oh and the towel boy runs around the ring and wipes the ropes dry AND THE CROWD GO WILD. Seriously, biggest reaction of the night.
- Mikey Whipwreck is the special referee here because I think he trained some of the guys. It's Jose Maximo, Joel Maximo, Quiet Storm (and he doesnt know Mobb Deep), Chris Divine, Brian XL and, oh, yeah, Amazing Red is wrestling again for no other reason then he can, it's not like he's received a muscle buster and a Jay driller twenty minutes ago.
- The following spotfest has plenty of dives but not a whole lot of other stuff. For some reason the people that got dived on by homicide havent had their fill, so practically everybody does dives to the floor at that same part of the arena.