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onthafly;c-9874341 said:.....
Trillfate;c-9874458 said:onthafly;c-9874341 said:Fuck. Here goes
Recap. Got my girlfriend pregnant at 21. We got married because I thought it was the right thing to do. We had issues which are discussed in detail in the below threads. Had another kid. I filed for divorce while she was pregnant and my parents supported me through it. My dad wanted me to go for full custody of my son but once it became more clear that it wasn't going to happen I decided not to go through with the divorce. Here I am almost two years later ready to file again. Just want to know if it somehow makes me irresponsible or less of a man to only be in my children's lives part time and if that's something you'd ever be able to make up for. I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old.
http://community.allhiphop.com/disc...-much-should-your-husband-do-around-the-house
http://community.allhiphop.com/discussion/536230/lazy-housewife-part-2/p1
Society's trap...
They tell you're "supposed" to do this and that by X years old. You fell for it bruh..
mryounggun;c-9875664 said:onthafly;c-9874341 said:Fuck. Here goes
Recap. Got my girlfriend pregnant at 21. We got married because I thought it was the right thing to do. We had issues which are discussed in detail in the below threads. Had another kid. I filed for divorce while she was pregnant and my parents supported me through it. My dad wanted me to go for full custody of my son but once it became more clear that it wasn't going to happen I decided not to go through with the divorce. Here I am almost two years later ready to file again. Just want to know if it somehow makes me irresponsible or less of a man to only be in my children's lives part time and if that's something you'd ever be able to make up for. I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old.
http://community.allhiphop.com/disc...-much-should-your-husband-do-around-the-house
http://community.allhiphop.com/discussion/536230/lazy-housewife-part-2/p1
Why did your pops automatically feel like you should file for full custody? Did you agree with that? Is there something that makes her unfit to care for your children?
Inquiring minds.
Rozetta5tone;c-9876015 said:Truth be told and this goes for anyone looking to divorce. You need to plan at least six months in advance. The moment you decide to call it quits you have to start strategizing your exit because he/she may or may not be so quick to let go despite how negative they feel towards you.
You basically have to establish your post marriage life while you're married and without your spouse finding out. Shit is expensive bruh. Especially if there are several assets acquired during the union.
I liquidated everything I knew she could grab. Hid money, closed accounts, sold vehicles. Even crashed one. Don't get me wrong you might luck up and have some amicable shit but don't count on it. By the time I was divorced, on paper I didn't have shit but in reality I started a new career, had a house in escrow and childcare arrangements for my daughter. Bitch didn't get a dime and was looking dumbfounded when she peeped how I "came up" after the divorce. Shit is war my nigga. Protect ya neck
onthafly;c-9876222 said:What's fucked up is our anniversary is this weekend and I kinda want to drop the bomb on her now so I don't lead her on.
Rozetta5tone;c-9876240 said:onthafly;c-9876222 said:What's fucked up is our anniversary is this weekend and I kinda want to drop the bomb on her now so I don't lead her on.
How long y'all been married? If she's been unemployed while you've been head of household it's a possibility you're gonna pay alimony and child support. It sounds like you're mad at her about something or there is someone that has your attention. Divorce isn't something to be taken lightly. A couple guys I know never bounced back from it. Mfs are legit shells of their former selves.
Sounds like y'all just need marriage counseling and for you to draw the line and give her some expectations.
Rozetta5tone;c-9877344 said:Red flag when you said "her mom". Bruh that's gonna be your biggest pain. Even if your wife is willing to walk away with no hassle, her mother is gonna make sure you get put through the wringer.
I wish it were that simple for me. If she doesn't want to do shit, push her into something she'll be into. Some chicks are just used to being a significant other and nothing more. Chicks that jump in relationships really young tend to be homebodies and are suited to be a housewife. That's what makes them happy. Her identity is solely based on being your wife. You can't knock her for that. Bruh I'd take full advantage of that shit. You're free to do you, pursue your ambitions with no nagging. Man listen, don't be so quick to cut out on her just because y'all don't see eye to eye on some things. As mfs grow, ideals and thing will change. Truth be told you committed to her and to jump shit because she isn't who you want her to be now is bs.
Get some counseling, try to motivate her, expose her to some new shit and take from there. You never know what will spark a fire in her and get her up and running.
onthafly;c-9877504 said:Rozetta5tone;c-9877344 said:Red flag when you said "her mom". Bruh that's gonna be your biggest pain. Even if your wife is willing to walk away with no hassle, her mother is gonna make sure you get put through the wringer.
I wish it were that simple for me. If she doesn't want to do shit, push her into something she'll be into. Some chicks are just used to being a significant other and nothing more. Chicks that jump in relationships really young tend to be homebodies and are suited to be a housewife. That's what makes them happy. Her identity is solely based on being your wife. You can't knock her for that. Bruh I'd take full advantage of that shit. You're free to do you, pursue your ambitions with no nagging. Man listen, don't be so quick to cut out on her just because y'all don't see eye to eye on some things. As mfs grow, ideals and thing will change. Truth be told you committed to her and to jump shit because she isn't who you want her to be now is bs.
Get some counseling, try to motivate her, expose her to some new shit and take from there. You never know what will spark a fire in her and get her up and running.
I'll give counseling a shot first. We tried it after I decided not to go through with divorce the first time but we didn't stick with it. She does pretty much let me do whatever the fuck I want as far as persuing ambitions. I'm 26 though and I see so many other women that I find more attractive. It's hard to gurantee that I'd stay faithful especially when she doesn't even want to get up and use the gym membership I'm paying for.
nex gin;c-9875011 said:onthafly;c-9874353 said:I think that says it all. It's a choice between guilt and regret. If I don't leave I'm always going to regret it and will probably hate myself for it. I don't know whether or not I'd feel guilt.
If I do leave I don't feel like I'll have any regrets in the long run. I can't say for sure whether or not I'd guilt feel any guilt but it could be a possibility.
Bruh....take it from me. Get the fuck out of that shit asap. It may seem tough now, but it doesn't get any easier. You have to do what's right for you and your children. Don't waste the best years of your life stuck in an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship. I made that mistake once. Never again.
onthafly;c-9874446 said:Rozetta5tone;c-9874424 said:onthafly;c-9874411 said:Rozetta5tone;c-9874401 said:When I knew I was gonna leave my wife I started documenting everything. Calling the police for the slightest shit. Nigga built a paper for real. Went to work on her mentally and financially. Put her in a position to submit to whatever I asked for.
End result, my daughter is in her room watching curious George and eating apple sauce and my ex is doing whatever it is a dumb bitch does when they don't have kids to be responsible for.
I'm a cutthroat type of nigga. I went to extremes to get my way. Idk what else to tell you bruh. Be a bitch about the situation or do what you gotta do to get your favor my nigga.
Why did you decide to end it?
My daughters well being was jeopardized as well as my sanity dealing with a raging alcoholic.
My situation isn't as extreme. I was hoping we could have some kind of 21st century post-divorce co-parenting lifestyle where we get along when we see each other and do what's in the best interest of our kids without letting personal feelings or anger make things bitter.
charles2;c-9878125 said:onthafly;c-9877504 said:Rozetta5tone;c-9877344 said:Red flag when you said "her mom". Bruh that's gonna be your biggest pain. Even if your wife is willing to walk away with no hassle, her mother is gonna make sure you get put through the wringer.
I wish it were that simple for me. If she doesn't want to do shit, push her into something she'll be into. Some chicks are just used to being a significant other and nothing more. Chicks that jump in relationships really young tend to be homebodies and are suited to be a housewife. That's what makes them happy. Her identity is solely based on being your wife. You can't knock her for that. Bruh I'd take full advantage of that shit. You're free to do you, pursue your ambitions with no nagging. Man listen, don't be so quick to cut out on her just because y'all don't see eye to eye on some things. As mfs grow, ideals and thing will change. Truth be told you committed to her and to jump shit because she isn't who you want her to be now is bs.
Get some counseling, try to motivate her, expose her to some new shit and take from there. You never know what will spark a fire in her and get her up and running.
I'll give counseling a shot first. We tried it after I decided not to go through with divorce the first time but we didn't stick with it. She does pretty much let me do whatever the fuck I want as far as persuing ambitions. I'm 26 though and I see so many other women that I find more attractive. It's hard to gurantee that I'd stay faithful especially when she doesn't even want to get up and use the gym membership I'm paying for.
So you really mad she getting fat and lazy and you think every fine woman you see wants you. Stop being shallow.
If your woman is a good person that loves you and supports you, work it out. There's a lot of fine women out here but not a lot of sane one's, trust me.
pissedoffnobody;c-9882056 said:Mister B.;c-9874968 said:Dog, STOP STAYING WITH PEOPLE FOR KIDS.
Eventually, they'll grow up and move out. You're still gonna be stuck with her. And if your kids find out that fact, they may resent you for thinking they was a "chore."
If you're truly unhappy, and therapy/counseling hasn't worked, you gotta do what you gotta do. Who knows: this may force her to get off her ass (your thoughts), and do something.
Agreed. "Make yourself happy or let others make you miserable". Stand by and support your kids as long as they try do right, even if they fuck up and stumble along the way, but if your life partner isn't actually the partner you want and need anymore, better to leave and try find someone else than stay in the spot that's making you both unhappy and tense, trying to fix problems that may just be the result of differing expectations and desires in life. You can spend more time coping and compensating or you can try invest time in changing and celebrating the things and people in life you'd rather be involved with.
People grow, people change, sometimes people need to just move on having learned what they can from each other so they can become something new and different. I personally wouldn't try shift blame onto your wife, just accept that some people's travels through life come to an end when their paths diverge due to their own personal needs. Try to get an agreement in place to be equal co-parents and try not to make it about her or you, just that the relationship isn't working the way you think it should and as such you'd rather change the relationship as is to something that'd benefit all involved better. Your futures as well as that of your kids is what matters most in the end, not any emotions or histrionics because you're not the people who fell in love with each other anymore and are now just the people living together for the sake of keeping things the same and kind of safe.
