Nine Lives

[Aquafinafloe]

u have some real good lyics deep but not all out too deep with a bunch of metaphores like most rappers try to do these days...i didnt get lost or confused at onces..i actualy was able to visualize a young man in the streets with a look of "why" on his face WHILE reading this...a real smooth poetic floe is always nice and a real good calm down from all the crazy hipt hopity stuff...keep up the good work

 

[Legend24]

u have some real good lyics deep but not all out too deep with a bunch of metaphores like most rappers try to do these days...i didnt get lost or confused at onces..i actualy was able to visualize a young man in the streets with a look of "why" on his face WHILE reading this...a real smooth poetic floe is always nice and a real good calm down from all the crazy hipt hopity stuff...keep up the good work

Thanks for the feedback. That's generally what I aim for in my pieces... I like to be a bit ambiguous at times but not too over the top that people have no idea what I'm trying to say.

 

[Aquafinafloe]

no prob! now u can give me some feedback on my track i have in this topic im under the audio part u should be able to find it it says my first mix...

Thanks for the feedback. That's generally what I aim for in my pieces... I like to be a bit ambiguous at times but not too over the top that people have no idea what I'm trying to say.

 

[Sharoyceantwan]

Cock then squeeze and then I dispose with ease

Silence leaves as sirens scream

this needs to be recorded pronto!

 

[Legend24]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Glad this piece didn't get slept on too hard.

If I can get to my mic this weekend then I'll record it over a generic beat or something so you can hear what it sounds like.

 

[amanante]

Glad to see someone writing like this. Beautiful.

"Skeletons of all my past lives, I never got it perfect
Tried to be god's angel but always end up as the devil's serpent."

this line i liked most

 

[TrueGodHS]

I fucks with that my dude... You got some good lyrics bruh, the last 6 lines for me was the best part

 

[Deeluxe]

Yo new to the forums, checking out what other people are up to. This is nice though i find it hard to know what the cadence is, but thats the difference between a writer and a reader. you wrote how you would spit it, i would love to hear it on wax. Did you write to a beat or is this just from your head?

 

[Legend24]

Yo new to the forums, checking out what other people are up to. This is nice though i find it hard to know what the cadence is, but thats the difference between a writer and a reader. you wrote how you would spit it, i would love to hear it on wax. Did you write to a beat or is this just from your head?

I did write it to a beat.

It's not the easiest flow to pick up just by reading but it works in my head, although I would tweak it a bit if I were to record it.

 

[mkp123]

I think Legend24 has got all the qualities to be a great poet. Just look at the lyrics. They are simply awesome. It reminds me that I have got to be really careful in my life if I want to survive. The world is full of pitfalls and temptations. As human beings we should stay away from these temptations if we are to succeed in life. God has given us the power to do that. I would advice Legend24 to dwell into serious writing. I am sure that he will succeed.

 

[Legend24]

I think Legend24 has got all the qualities to be a great poet. Just look at the lyrics. They are simply awesome. It reminds me that I have got to be really careful in my life if I want to survive. The world is full of pitfalls and temptations. As human beings we should stay away from these temptations if we are to succeed in life. God has given us the power to do that. I would advice Legend24 to dwell into serious writing. I am sure that he will succeed.

Thanks for the props.

I don't try to make any money off it but I still take my music/writing very seriously.

 

[Gnominal]

I like this a lot, it's like aquafina said it's deep enough that it feels deep but not too deep that i don't know what you're trying to say, you walk the line perfectly. the flow is generally good, a couple places it feels a little awkward or forced... in particular the second line feels a little long and "required" feels weird, i would just say "takes concentration." last two lines i really really like what you're saying but last line seems a little long, i would just take out the always and it'd be good. but i didn't write this, i don't really know how it flows and whatnot, it's your shit do what you want, it's great as it is you know what you're doing. i could see this as a song

edit: i really like this sequence a lot:

No parents growing up, no sense of streets

No dollars to buy a meal, no cents to eat

I clench my piece as I walk by, tension seeps

Seams break as I approach, I sense release

Cock then squeeze and then I dispose with ease

Silence leaves as sirens scream

Turn and run as I spy police

I die in peace before I subside my knees

rhyme scheme is sick there. before that though it's not as complex as i would like, usually just one syllable... but that's fine, you're telling a story i dig it

 

[OGMoneyFOE]

I see you brah. I like where U were tryin' to go with this. The flow was there and ur line "Drunk stumbling and crooked walks in the un-illumined skies

Might as well be seeing this world with unopened eyes" I can vibe. Keep it up.

 

[Legend24]

Thanks for the feedback. Haven't been around here much lately. I'ma be dropping some new stuff soon when I get a minute.