Married Men: What's the real deal about marriage?

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In the words of Shawn Carter..."It ain't for everybody". Marriage is a beautiful thing...but as much as I see men criticize women for their Disney fairytale view of what marriage should be alot of men go into marriage with a similar distorted view of it as well. People go into marriage thinking certain things they dont like about their partner will change...they wont. People dont understand its normal to still have a life outside of your spouse. They're supposed to be a huge part of your world but not the entire thing. You still have to know how to exist without them. And also ridding yourself of the toxic mentality that someone is trying to get one over on you. If you're that suspect of your spouse why even be with them? A huge part of being married, hell loving somebody in general, is being able to put blind trust and faith that they wont fuck you over. If you can't do that then not only will a marriage never work but a relationship on any level will always fail.

From what I've seen from older men who are divorved or regret getting married it mostly boils down to the woman\women they married not being the kind of wife they thought she should be...which often translates into them ignoring red flags that were clear from the jump they should have addressed at the beginning of the relationship. It aint marriage that's the problem its the people getting married not understanding how to make an actual relationship work.
 
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Marriage
 
I got married I had a kid had the worst year I've ever have financially as an adult and am happier than I ever was when I really really had it.
 
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

 
Shuffington;c-9809362 said:
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

You can do all that minus rhe own bedroom still. If your lady knows you and knows you like your time to yourself then getting married shouldn't change that
 
Shuffington;c-9809362 said:
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

I can relate to this a lot. It really bugs me though cause it's the same shit that women get grilled for: getting turned off by people who are actually really interested in us. My girl thinks I'm the one, and every time she says it I get put off completely.
 
Everybody unhappy in their marriage married the wrong person. My marriage is awesome. Sure, there are disagreements and we have our ups and downs, but I've been married almost 6 years and we've been together almost 11. We got together when I was 22.

The best advice I've ever received and the advice I always pass on to others is: She needs to be your best friend. The chances of it working out are exponentially higher if she is.

 
LUClEN;c-9809370 said:
Shuffington;c-9809362 said:
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

I can relate to this a lot. It really bugs me though cause it's the same shit that women get grilled for: getting turned off by people who are actually really interested in us. My girl thinks I'm the one, and every time she says it I get put off completely.

I know what you mean.

I keep thinking... "why the f*ck does she want to get married so bad??" .... Its as if she needs to be married in order for life to start? We both don't want kids so she can't use that excuse even though she tries to get me to shoot her club up sometimes in the midst of a passionate love making affair.

Its weird cause I care about her more than I care about a marriage. Im her biggest advocate. Even if we weren't together I would still have her best interest at heart.

But it seems like for her, marriage is another box to check and the fact that she's SOOOO close..... makes her more anxious.

 
Lefty_;c-9809346 said:
I got married I had a kid had the worst year I've ever have financially as an adult and am happier than I ever was when I really really had it.

Sounds like u found your trap queen lol
 
Like Water;c-9809373 said:
Everybody unhappy in their marriage married the wrong person. My marriage is awesome. Sure, there are disagreements and we have our ups and downs, but I've been married almost 6 years and we've been together almost 11. We got together when I was 22.

The best advice I've ever received and the advice I always pass on to others is: She needs to be your best friend. The chances of it working out are exponentially higher if she is.

Not necessarily. People change over time, sometimes fundamentally. And sometimes the change is enough to make people fall out of love. Traumatic experiences, and people not being able to handle certain blessings is enough to make the boat enough to capsize. Many marriages don't work out because divorce is an option from the beginning. That's a poor line of thinking.
 
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Lefty_;c-9809393 said:
Like Water;c-9809373 said:
Everybody unhappy in their marriage married the wrong person. My marriage is awesome. Sure, there are disagreements and we have our ups and downs, but I've been married almost 6 years and we've been together almost 11. We got together when I was 22.

The best advice I've ever received and the advice I always pass on to others is: She needs to be your best friend. The chances of it working out are exponentially higher if she is.

Not necessarily. People change over time, sometimes fundamentally. And sometimes the change is enough to make people fall out of love. Traumatic experiences, and people not being able to handle certain blessings is enough to make the boat enough to capsize. Many marriages don't work out because divorce is an option from the beginning. That's a poor line of thinking.

Can't say I disagree with anything you said. The complexities of marriage definitely can't be overstated.
 
Dope thread! Getting married next year, and it's great hearing what others who have already crossed that bridge say; whether it's positive or not.
 
Shuffington;c-9809362 said:
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

If u and her disagree on the meaning and importance of marriage don't do it. It's ok if u want to run to the courthouse and she wants a big ass wedding. U can compromise on that. It is not ok if she feels marriage is the end all be all and u feel its no different than what u got now. U have to view the institution of marriage the say way or u want give the same effort.

As for your own room. We finished our basement. My wife has her own room. It's basically her library and music space cuz she likes to read and listen to music to relax. My room is my entertainment center cuz I like sports and movies. It works well for us.
 
Like Water;c-9809373 said:
Everybody unhappy in their marriage married the wrong person. My marriage is awesome. Sure, there are disagreements and we have our ups and downs, but I've been married almost 6 years and we've been together almost 11. We got together when I was 22.

The best advice I've ever received and the advice I always pass on to others is: She needs to be your best friend. The chances of it working out are exponentially higher if she is.

This is another thing...people marrying someone they don't even know...and then realize after those vows are said that they truly have no clue who they married.
 
Shuffington;c-9809362 said:
My girl desperately wants to get married. She's into me...heavy... and I get it... Ima great catch...

But for some odd reason, I don't want her to be so desperate about it. I want to be with someone whom

we just up and decide kind of like a second thought ....

"hey... you wanna get married?."

"OK"

"Cool"

I find that a lot of women including my girl stack to much meaning on top of Marriage when for me it doesn't

mean any more or less to me than a normal loving relationship.

If we follow the basic parameters of a relationship we should be good to go.

ANOTHER personal issue of minds..... is that I like my space. .. Like, I love my f*cking space.

I have a home with a garage... my own bedroom where can jerk off in peace ... I love my ME-Time.

I'm on the same tip. This one I'm dealing with want to be married but its not the right time. It also makes me paranoid
 

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