Black men know they are valued because of their complexion. Some, like my friend, get disgusted by the colorism. He understands his value is based on something he has no control over, his height, and his dark skin. Other men will happily inform others of how many women, of all shades and colors, will break their necks to get in their good favor. Some Black men want to be seen as human first but they can’t get beyond certain women’s fascination with their implied sexual superiority and fearless power of which they do not necessarily posses.
I pity the women who chase behind these types of Black men; they pay a high cost to have a coveted rare animal on their arm. They experience abuse, disregard, exploitation, emotional manipulation and straight B.S. to the nth degree. I also understand it is the self esteem of these women that motivates them to try so hard to create the illusion of love and partnering when their relationships are really just a test of endurance. Black intimate relationships can sometimes be a circular mind fukk; I decline to participate in the madness. I’m not going to compete for a man and I’m not jumping through hoops for a man; that’s not what’s required of me.
Black men don’t step so easily to me. They put their best foot forward when it comes to me, or light skinned girls in general, whereas they will dog the Hell outta a Brown skin girl who will over do it when it comes to turning the other cheek and forgiveness. Color struck Black men give a light skinned or Latino woman the world but won’t lift a finger for a woman who looks like his own mother. It’s true, their hatred of you is a reflection of their discontent with their own mother’s. They hate the ugly way in which Blacks live, so they blame their mothers but often have no reference point or guilt available for their Black fathers.
Many light skinned women I know don’t take no shyt, could it be because they understand this complexion represents option for them?
Do dark skinned Black women take extra shyt because they think they can’t do any better? What would happen if Black women opened their eyes?
Dark men will push back a dark skin Black woman to make way for me to board buses and trains. She and I will exchange glances, her of pain and humiliation, me of frustration at her having to experience such cruelty due to my presence and a DBR. I just want to board a bus, I don’t need random interactions to become social science experiments gone wrong.
Dark men give me things without my asking. I am the spokesperson for all DBR favors and requests, regardless of the level of friendship, everybody knows I have a better chance at getting over on people than would a darker complexioned companion. We use each other and we abuse each other and we tweak the system for our survival as females.
Dark men allow me to abuse them in incredible ways, to the point where I am curious as to the level of abuse they are used to from the females in their lives if they think I can love and hate them at the same time and it be a healthy relationship. I will be defended, I will be fought over, and I will be protected by DBR men if the situation calls for it. I use what is at my disposal because the urgency lies in the daily hustle to satisfy immediate needs. I twist and bend the stereotypes to serve me; dark Black women should learn to do the same.
I can easily get random Black men to scurry to assist me in whatever issue I am having. They try hard to impress me, I put them to task, I made demands, I bytch and complain and behave like a spoiled child at times. Obtaining my favor satisfies some level of accomplishment with them. My skin represents lighter children who can avoid the pitfalls of Blackness. I honestly believe those who seek to lighten the world do so as a way of improving the quality of life of their offspring. It must be a terribly ugly and hateful place to cause a person to wish themselves eradicated.
The taste of colorism is so steeped in the Black American experience that grade school kids observe the cost and benefit of complexion. My daughter who has been uplifted and groomed by my hand so imagine my surprise when she one day stroked my hair and wished she had ‘good hair’ like me. I was hurt she felt that way and started to reinforce her beauty to her, pointing out the beauty in brown skin, but I can’t say that I erased the Black girl ugly from her entirely.
Black girls expect Black boys to be cruel and mean, from what I’m hearing, younger Black girls are fed up with the mediocre life potential of partnering with Black males. As a pre-teen my daughter declared that she would not date Black men, this bothered me since she was making a sweeping accusation of all Black men, but it was hard to defend them when she had seen their abuse with her own two eyes.
‘They beat the girls and kick them into the gutter. I don’t want no boyfriend that will do that to me!’
Dark skinned Black girls have a lot going on, and all I can say is that I’m grateful to not be dark skinned. I’ve got my own set of problems and identity to cultivate. I’m not your enemy, and sometimes I can’t be your friend, but I’ll always be a sistah in the colorism struggle. Your blues ain’t like mine, but don’t think I’m without shade, or hope for a rainbow after having survived a storm.
