How do you truly feel about monogamy? Is it your true preference?

[ReppinTime]

To be whole, one must learn to be detached.

Wut. No. Detachment doesn't.even exist.in.any fashion.

This detachment shit so prevalent in eastern culture is based on fundamental misconceptions people have, namely that desire causes pain. Which is completely false, doubt and disconnection with the desire is the pain. Detachment does have benefits since it quiets but its like taking shotgun to an ant in your house. Much easier ways to get to the desired heights

 

[FsK]

This is flawed logic on so many levels. I'll just address the ones I can be bothered to.

Self-justification - when a person encounters a situation in which their behaviour is inconsistent with their own or generally accepted beliefs, that person tends to attempt to justify the behavior and deny any negative feedback associated with the behavior to relieve cognitive dissonance which may cause anxiety, shame, guilt etc.

This is the sexual equivalence of 'I feel like eating crap all day'. *it makes me fat* 'Actually obesity it normal and healthy...'

People are just justifying decreases in sexual self control brought about by a multitude of factors including but not limited to...

Sex in our faces all day in many subtle ways

the increasingly easy access to sexual material

A lack of examples of long standing marriages

 

[blacktux]

of course beta males and self centered females are gonna side wit monogamy..

why wouldn't they?? they probably came up wit the concept together.. bunch of bitter niggas mad they aint gettin no pussy and bitches mad cause they aint the only pussy.. i can see them all huddled up in a dimly lit room jus bouncin ideas on how to destroy selective breeding..

jus sayin..

i mean.. jus imagine a western civilization where women only fucked wit niggas about shit..

even if it meant sharing, cause sharing "something" is better then owning "nothing"...

it would force niggas to be about they shit in order to have a bitch..

niggas like Du would've BEEN moved out they momma house. hahahaha

im jus sayin..

This really all that needed to be said in this here thread.

In a 100 man race where the dude in last place can get a prize, the dude in 50th dont feel that need to push himself since he know he set already.

The more accessible this whole "every man a king" idea becomes the more lazy men get , and when men are lazy shit doesn't get done efficiently.

Good posts as usual brah @BOSSExcellence‌

 

[FsK]

Statistically speaking, there's a good percentage of the human population that aren't really about the monogamous life but still try it/want it because it's an attractive concept to them and they've put it on a pedestal at an early age (conditioning from the childhood fables, the Disney classics etc). I’m sure even before any of us truly knew about sex, we were aware of “one true love”.

Are you able to access these 'statistics' and the protocol for obtaining them? A 'good percentage' is what people say when they don't want to give you the details to make your mind up yourself.

There's also no presented evidence for the subsequent sentences just wild assumptions. It's particularly stupid because it assumes we all grew up watching movies/disney. There are many kids and societies that grew up without 'favles/Disney' where monogamy is the norm. The global north bias here is illogical to use when discussing such a global topic.

Unfortunately a common occurrence experienced by monogamous people usually involves having their trust violated by an individual who naturally isn’t monogamous.

So polygamy is normal and natural....people are just conditioned to be monogamous. But then by way of contradiction it says someone that isn't naturally monogamous (implying some are), often violates a monogamous person.

Aside from revealing that this person has no qualms with violating another person’s trust under the right circumstance, which is a separate implicative issue. When an individual in a monogamous relationship cheats it also reveals one of the following things about them:

A. That individual is expressing/revealing their true inclination regarding the concept of monogamy.

B. That individual yearns for monogamy but isn't in their ideal monogamous relationship and feels like they're missing a key element(s) in the relationship they can get elsewhere.

C. Things change over time, in the beginning the individual valued monogamy but over time his/her preference changed as they matured and found out what they truly wanted in life.

[/spoiler]

Cheating doesn't mean you have no qualms with violating someone? That's so naive it barely deserves comment.

The point being made here is in other words failing at something means you never really wanted to do it? Not that you have poor self controll, not that it was rebellious or a reflection of issues you have with yourself or not that maybe you are influenced by this precise type of logic...it. must be because deep down you don't want to be monogamous.

So the next time I feel like assaulting people I won't stop, if I'm failing at controlling my rage it must be because naturally we are supposed to be filled with rage and murderous.

 

[FsK]

Statistically speaking, there's a good percentage of the human population that aren't really about the monogamous life but still try it/want it because it's an attractive concept to them and they've put it on a pedestal at an early age (conditioning from the childhood fables, the Disney classics etc). I’m sure even before any of us truly knew about sex, we were aware of “one true love”.

Are you able to access these 'statistics' and the protocol for obtaining them? A 'good percentage' is what people say when they don't want to give you the details to make your mind up yourself.

There's also no presented evidence for the subsequent sentences just wild assumptions. It's particularly stupid because it assumes we all grew up watching movies/disney. There are many kids and societies that grew up without 'favles/Disney' where monogamy is the norm. The global north bias here is illogical to use when discussing such a global topic.

Unfortunately a common occurrence experienced by monogamous people usually involves having their trust violated by an individual who naturally isn’t monogamous.

So polygamy is normal and natural....people are just conditioned to be monogamous. But then by way of contradiction it says someone that isn't naturally monogamous (implying some are), often violates a monogamous person.

Aside from revealing that this person has no qualms with violating another person’s trust under the right circumstance, which is a separate implicative issue. When an individual in a monogamous relationship cheats it also reveals one of the following things about them:

A. That individual is expressing/revealing their true inclination regarding the concept of monogamy.

B. That individual yearns for monogamy but isn't in their ideal monogamous relationship and feels like they're missing a key element(s) in the relationship they can get elsewhere.

C. Things change over time, in the beginning the individual valued monogamy but over time his/her preference changed as they matured and found out what they truly wanted in life.

[/spoiler]

Cheating doesn't mean you have no qualms with violating someone? That's so naive it barely deserves comment.

The point being made here is in other words failing at something means you never really wanted to do it? Not that you have poor self controll, not that it was rebellious or a reflection of issues you have with yourself or not that maybe you are influenced by this precise type of logic...it. must be because deep down you don't want to be monogamous.

So the next time I feel like assaulting people I won't stop, if I'm failing at controlling my rage it must be because naturally we are supposed to be filled with rage and murderous.

 

[obnoxiouslyfresh]

I was thinking about making this a separate topic & poll but fuck it I'll put it here since it branches off from monogamy:

Do any of you guys believe in the concept of 'one true love'?

I’m of the opinion the 'one true love' from a statistical standpoint is improbable. Simply because virtually any arbitrary measurement you use to select a significant other, there’s multiple people on this planet that meets your standard. Even if you’re narcissistic and view yourself as an one in a million individual, there’s 7000+ people on the planet exactly like you.

Think about it for a second, even as unique as we think we are as indiviuals, there are people out there similar enough to us that our past, present and future significant others would be attracted to them for the exact same reasons they are to us.

However I won't knock anyone who believes in it since, there remains a chance that you truly feel that you've found a profound connection with someone that you'll never be able to reach with anyone else. Who am I to judge and say you're lying?

Spoiler

@Rasta.

@Jono

@Osirus_jenkins

@Zombie

@DWO

@BOSSExcellence‌

@obnoxiouslyfresh‌

@Trashboat‌

@hoesarefun‌

@Pico‌

@MissK

@Empress_

@Cain

@IgnorantSole

@Uncle_jackson

@KingSimba‌

@(tpkfa)Lamilton

@mryounggun

@MikeydaGawd

@7figz‌

@ReppinTime

and any others who posted in this thread who are willing to answer.

You can have plenty of true loves come in and out of your life. The heart is so vast...there's so much room. I think that understanding that there is no perfect "one" for you is actually a requirement for a healthy relationship. Anybody in any relationship, no matter how happy, is periodically going to meet people they realize that they could have loved, had things been different. If you believe in "one true love" this emotion is apt to confuse you--which one are you meant to be with? On the other hand, if you realize that the set of people you could love is not the same as the people you DO love, you are much less likely to run off with your dance instructor in a moment of passion.

 

[1800skypager]

Monogamy is white folks ideaology. The white man is impotent and can only handle one woman so he thinks everyone else should too... Back when the Nubians ruled the world it wasn't abnormal for men to have several wives... Most black men are "unfaithful" because it's not in their nature to be with one woman... In actuality men are supposed to be polygamous by nature and woman are supposed to be monogamous.

Having said that, polygamy isn't about having sex with a bunch of different women... It's about having an extended family and spreading your seed with superior women. It takes a real MAN not MALE to do this. A man must be exceptional to take care of multiple women.

 

[1800skypager]

I was thinking about making this a separate topic & poll but fuck it I'll put it here since it branches off from monogamy:

Do any of you guys believe in the concept of 'one true love'?

I’m of the opinion the 'one true love' from a statistical standpoint is improbable. Simply because virtually any arbitrary measurement you use to select a significant other, there’s multiple people on this planet that meets your standard. Even if you’re narcissistic and view yourself as an one in a million individual, there’s 7000+ people on the planet exactly like you.

Think about it for a second, even as unique as we think we are as indiviuals, there are people out there similar enough to us that our past, present and future significant others would be attracted to them for the exact same reasons they are to us.

However I won't knock anyone who believes in it since, there remains a chance that you truly feel that you've found a profound connection with someone that you'll never be able to reach with anyone else. Who am I to judge and say you're lying?

Spoiler

@Rasta.

@Jono

@Osirus_jenkins

@Zombie

@DWO

@BOSSExcellence‌

@obnoxiouslyfresh‌

@Trashboat‌

@hoesarefun‌

@Pico‌

@MissK

@Empress_

@Cain

@IgnorantSole

@Uncle_jackson

@KingSimba‌

@(tpkfa)Lamilton

@mryounggun

@MikeydaGawd

@7figz‌

@ReppinTime

and any others who posted in this thread who are willing to answer.

You can have plenty of true loves come in and out of your life. The heart is so vast...there's so much room. I think that understanding that there is no perfect "one" for you is actually a requirement for a healthy relationship. Anybody in any relationship, no matter how happy, is periodically going to meet people they realize that they could have loved, had things been different. If you believe in "one true love" this emotion is apt to confuse you--which one are you meant to be with? On the other hand, if you realize that the set of people you could love is not the same as the people you DO love, you are much less likely to run off with your dance instructor in a moment of passion.

The heart's job is to pump blood through your body... that's IT.

 

[bignorm]

of course beta males and self centered females are gonna side wit monogamy..

why wouldn't they?? they probably came up wit the concept together.. bunch of bitter niggas mad they aint gettin no pussy and bitches mad cause they aint the only pussy.. i can see them all huddled up in a dimly lit room jus bouncin ideas on how to destroy selective breeding..

jus sayin..

Could be the realest shit ive read on this site

 

[Dupac]

a lotta insecurity being displayed....

if you make a choice and you happy with it... then that's whassup...

no need to downplay the next man for making a different choice

 

[ReppinTime]

aw shit gmuney droppin knowledge? you go girl! nh

 

[obnoxiouslyfresh]

aw shit gmuney droppin knowledge? you go girl! nh

I really hope it's worth it to you...

 

[The Iconoclast]

@FOSKA

You’re reducing the monogamy vs. non-monogamy discussion to a simple matter about sexual self-control. It’s much more complex than that. Are you refusing to rise to the established level of discourse in this thread on purpose or are you truly incapable of thinking critically?

It is possible to have for example - a polyamorous relationship - and exhibit self-control while upholding established trust. To insinuate otherwise, is fallacious. Stop with the sweeping generalizations.

Marriage is a culmination of monogamy and there's various infidelity studies out there; some conclude that there’s a 30-60% chance of infidelity and some say the percentage is around 25%. Nonetheless I use the subjective word ‘good’ to the describe to percentage because it, like a word such as ‘significant’, is descriptive and encompasses all of the various studies without having to specifically chose one over the other.

Here’s some statistics:
http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Buss-Shackelford-JRP-1997.pdf
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/Infidelity in hetero couples.pdf

For the record, when I say someone isn’t naturally monogamous, I’m not implying that individual is born with a preference or choice in relationships. No one is, everyone is conditioned by their environment to prefer a type of relationship and their preference is neither inherently right nor wrong. When I say natural, in this instance I’m referring to a person’s conditioned predisposition. Like Empress and others in this thread alluded to, what’s natural to one person may not be natural to another.

Nothing I said was presumptuous. Everything I actually presented as a fact, is back by statistics and empirical data.

Anything I posted in this thread that isn’t derived from data was purposely worded to elicit subjective discourse and opinions centered on an individual’s perspective on relationships. I wanted to invoke the most intelligent/knowledgeable posters on this forum’s insight (which thankfully, I did) and I loved hearing everyone’s perspective in my thread, this isn’t a debate, this is a mature discussion.

It’s pretty ironic that you’ve criticized posts in this thread for flawed logic, when every post you’ve made in this thread is rooted in flawed logic driven by false equivalence fallacies. FWIW I prefer monogamy, but I refuse to allow you to attack non-monogamy with such flawed logic. It’s fairly obvious to anyone that you’re clearly a proponent of monogamy, so try arguing for it instead of arguing vehemently against non-monogamy. It would make your posts in here more constructive and less ignorant.

Live your life, there's no inherently right or wrong preference.

 

[The Iconoclast]

I was thinking about making this a separate topic & poll but fuck it I'll put it here since it branches off from monogamy:

Do any of you guys believe in the concept of 'one true love'?

I’m of the opinion the 'one true love' from a statistical standpoint is improbable. Simply because virtually any arbitrary measurement you use to select a significant other, there’s multiple people on this planet that meets your standard. Even if you’re narcissistic and view yourself as an one in a million individual, there’s 7000+ people on the planet exactly like you.

Think about it for a second, even as unique as we think we are as indiviuals, there are people out there similar enough to us that our past, present and future significant others would be attracted to them for the exact same reasons they are to us.

However I won't knock anyone who believes in it since, there remains a chance that you truly feel that you've found a profound connection with someone that you'll never be able to reach with anyone else. Who am I to judge and say you're lying?

Spoiler

@Rasta.

@Jono

@Osirus_jenkins

@Zombie

@DWO

@BOSSExcellence‌

@obnoxiouslyfresh‌

@Trashboat‌

@hoesarefun‌

@Pico‌

@MissK

@Empress_

@Cain

@IgnorantSole

@Uncle_jackson

@KingSimba‌

@(tpkfa)Lamilton

@mryounggun

@MikeydaGawd

@7figz‌

@ReppinTime

and any others who posted in this thread who are willing to answer.

You can have plenty of true loves come in and out of your life. The heart is so vast...there's so much room. I think that understanding that there is no perfect "one" for you is actually a requirement for a healthy relationship. Anybody in any relationship, no matter how happy, is periodically going to meet people they realize that they could have loved, had things been different. If you believe in "one true love" this emotion is apt to confuse you--which one are you meant to be with? On the other hand, if you realize that the set of people you could love is not the same as the people you DO love, you are much less likely to run off with your dance instructor in a moment of passion.

Agreed, especially the bolded. They were acutely spot on. Well said as usual ObnoxFresh. We appear to share the same outlook.

a lotta insecurity being displayed....

if you make a choice and you happy with it... then that's whassup...

no need to downplay the next man for making a different choice

Couldn't have said it any better myself @DWO

If you're happy with what you prefer, that's all it matters really.

 

[Knock_Twice]

Good thread..

Actually was speaking my case to a friend of mine to why "I" believe that there is a "perfect one" for a person and she stated otherwise. I stand on it because if you have a list or expectations for a certain mate you're seeking, I believe that you can find that person if those expectations are reasonable with your life or life in generally...I think folks who don't believe in the whole perfect person is because their expectations of a person/mate that they have are out the box and outta touch with life..or they have too many excuses and live off of sayings such as "it's what you make of it" like what does that even mean..to me it means settling (but I'm not saying that they are wrong and I'm right) but this is just my belief that I think there is a "perfect one".

So I stand on the fact that a monogamy can work if ppl just give ppl chances and stop settling..and stop with the outta of box expectations

 

[zombie]

Monogamy is white folks ideaology. The white man is impotent and can only handle one woman so he thinks everyone else should too... Back when the Nubians ruled the world it wasn't abnormal for men to have several wives... Most black men are "unfaithful" because it's not in their nature to be with one woman... In actuality men are supposed to be polygamous by nature and woman are supposed to be monogamous.

Having said that, polygamy isn't about having sex with a bunch of different women... It's about having an extended family and spreading your seed with superior women. It takes a real MAN not MALE to do this. A man must be exceptional to take care of multiple women.

what utter bullshit there's quality over quantity in monogamous society. and fuck out of here with that superior seed bull.

mankind has basically moved towards monogamous relationships because they are superior in terms of raising children and creates a better spread of resources. no superior woman would accept being in one of many wives.

 

[FsK]

@FOSKA

You’re reducing the monogamy vs. non-monogamy discussion to a simple matter about sexual self-control. It’s much more complex than that. Are you refusing to rise to the established level of discourse in this thread on purpose or are you truly incapable of thinking critically?

It is possible to have for example - a polyamorous relationship - and exhibit self-control while upholding established trust. To insinuate otherwise, is fallacious. Stop with the sweeping generalizations.

Marriage is a culmination of monogamy and there's various infidelity studies out there; some conclude that there’s a 30-60% chance of infidelity and some say the percentage is around 25%. Nonetheless I use the subjective word ‘good’ to the describe to percentage because it, like a word such as ‘significant’, is descriptive and encompasses all of the various studies without having to specifically chose one over the other.

Here’s some statistics:
http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Buss-Shackelford-JRP-1997.pdf
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/Infidelity in hetero couples.pdf

For the record, when I say someone isn’t naturally monogamous, I’m not implying that individual is born with a preference or choice in relationships. No one is, everyone is conditioned by their environment to prefer a type of relationship and their preference is neither inherently right nor wrong. When I say natural, in this instance I’m referring to a person’s conditioned predisposition. Like Empress and others in this thread alluded to, what’s natural to one person may not be natural to another.

Nothing I said was presumptuous. Everything I actually presented as a fact, is back by statistics and empirical data.

Anything I posted in this thread that isn’t derived from data was purposely worded to elicit subjective discourse and opinions centered on an individual’s perspective on relationships. I wanted to invoke the most intelligent/knowledgeable posters on this forum’s insight (which thankfully, I did) and I loved hearing everyone’s perspective in my thread, this isn’t a debate, this is a mature discussion.

It’s pretty ironic that you’ve criticized posts in this thread for flawed logic, when every post you’ve made in this thread is rooted in flawed logic driven by false equivalence fallacies. FWIW I prefer monogamy, but I refuse to allow you to attack non-monogamy with such flawed logic. It’s fairly obvious to anyone that you’re clearly a proponent of monogamy, so try arguing for it instead of arguing vehemently against non-monogamy. It would make your posts in here more constructive and less ignorant.

Live your life, there's no inherently right or wrong preference.

I get the impression I upset you, my apologies.

As I said in my post I respond to what I can be bothered to so I won't write you a titangraph. I wont even respond with childish insults.

I could attack this from a non sexual angle all day long, and I think deep down you know that. I could rip those 'statistics' to shreads and I could point out your contradictory use of the word 'natural'. All I'll say is don't get me confused I didn't attack non-monogamy, I attacked the ridiculous presentation of a support for it. I.e I responded to your OP.

I'm very busy, I don't do back and forths on the internet so have a nice day.

 

[1800skypager]

Monogamy is white folks ideaology. The white man is impotent and can only handle one woman so he thinks everyone else should too... Back when the Nubians ruled the world it wasn't abnormal for men to have several wives... Most black men are "unfaithful" because it's not in their nature to be with one woman... In actuality men are supposed to be polygamous by nature and woman are supposed to be monogamous.

Having said that, polygamy isn't about having sex with a bunch of different women... It's about having an extended family and spreading your seed with superior women. It takes a real MAN not MALE to do this. A man must be exceptional to take care of multiple women.

what utter bullshit there's quality over quantity in monogamous society. and fuck out of here with that superior seed bull.

mankind has basically moved towards monogamous relationships because they are superior in terms of raising children and creates a better spread of resources. no superior woman would accept being in one of many wives.

I sense feelings.... but …

You know you can meet MORE THAN ONE woman of "quality" right?

 

[1800skypager]

Good thread..

Actually was speaking my case to a friend of mine to why "I" believe that there is a "perfect one" for a person and she stated otherwise. I stand on it because if you have a list or expectations for a certain mate you're seeking, I believe that you can find that person if those expectations are reasonable with your life or life in generally...I think folks who don't believe in the whole perfect person is because their expectations of a person/mate that they have are out the box and outta touch with life..or they have too many excuses and live off of sayings such as "it's what you make of it" like what does that even mean..to me it means settling (but I'm not saying that they are wrong and I'm right) but this is just my belief that I think there is a "perfect one".

So I stand on the fact that a monogamy can work if ppl just give ppl chances and stop settling..and stop with the outta of box expectations

You gonna be on a lifelong search to find that "perfect one" 'cause a perfect woman doesn't exist. It's up to you to sculpt one to your liking though, feel?

 

[The Iconoclast]

@FOSKA

You’re reducing the monogamy vs. non-monogamy discussion to a simple matter about sexual self-control. It’s much more complex than that. Are you refusing to rise to the established level of discourse in this thread on purpose or are you truly incapable of thinking critically?

It is possible to have for example - a polyamorous relationship - and exhibit self-control while upholding established trust. To insinuate otherwise, is fallacious. Stop with the sweeping generalizations.

Marriage is a culmination of monogamy and there's various infidelity studies out there; some conclude that there’s a 30-60% chance of infidelity and some say the percentage is around 25%. Nonetheless I use the subjective word ‘good’ to the describe to percentage because it, like a word such as ‘significant’, is descriptive and encompasses all of the various studies without having to specifically chose one over the other.

Here’s some statistics:
http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Buss-Shackelford-JRP-1997.pdf
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/publications/PDF/Infidelity in hetero couples.pdf

For the record, when I say someone isn’t naturally monogamous, I’m not implying that individual is born with a preference or choice in relationships. No one is, everyone is conditioned by their environment to prefer a type of relationship and their preference is neither inherently right nor wrong. When I say natural, in this instance I’m referring to a person’s conditioned predisposition. Like Empress and others in this thread alluded to, what’s natural to one person may not be natural to another.

Nothing I said was presumptuous. Everything I actually presented as a fact, is back by statistics and empirical data.

Anything I posted in this thread that isn’t derived from data was purposely worded to elicit subjective discourse and opinions centered on an individual’s perspective on relationships. I wanted to invoke the most intelligent/knowledgeable posters on this forum’s insight (which thankfully, I did) and I loved hearing everyone’s perspective in my thread, this isn’t a debate, this is a mature discussion.

It’s pretty ironic that you’ve criticized posts in this thread for flawed logic, when every post you’ve made in this thread is rooted in flawed logic driven by false equivalence fallacies. FWIW I prefer monogamy, but I refuse to allow you to attack non-monogamy with such flawed logic. It’s fairly obvious to anyone that you’re clearly a proponent of monogamy, so try arguing for it instead of arguing vehemently against non-monogamy. It would make your posts in here more constructive and less ignorant.

Live your life, there's no inherently right or wrong preference.

I get the impression I upset you, my apologies.

As I said in my post I respond to what I can be bothered to so I won't write you a titangraph. I wont even respond with childish insults.

I could attack this from a non sexual angle all day long, and I think deep down you know that.[/size=4] I could rip those 'statistics' to shreads and I could point out your contradictory use of the word 'natural'. All I'll say is don't get me confused I didn't attack non-monogamy, I attacked the ridiculous presentation of a support for it. I.e I responded to your OP.

I'm very busy, I don't do back and forths on the internet so have a nice day.

Nah, we both know you've proven yourself to be incapable of that. Which explains your willingness to bow out gracefully and leave the thread, and not confront me nor back anything you've spouted thus far, with statistics or empirical data, that clashes with the peer reviewed articles done by clinical and evolutionary psychologists.

Leaving this thread is the most intelligent thing you've done so far.