fresstyle i call it ghetto street life

[Tha Killa]

You might want to read Rules #3 and #4 in the Rules of RTM thread. It helps for you to give feed so that you can get feed man.

I'll give you my feedback after you drop those links. If you don't, I'll have to close your thread.

 

[konflickdineromob]

i dont know how 2 do tht can u explain it 2 me in simple terms

 

[Tha Killa]

Give good feedback in 2 threads in RTM.

I already swept through the whole forum and bumped all of the threads that belonged here to the top of the forum. All you have to do is find 2 threads that you can give people feedback on and post a link to those threads in this one.

I'm doing this to encourage folks to give good feedback so that they can get good feedback too.

 

[Tha Killa]

Look, Check this thread. Parallel was posting from his phone so he couldn't drop the links, but he gave some good feedback to a couple of other people and I posted the links to the threads he gave feedback in. It's pretty easy to do, but my bad if I'm wording it poorly.

I saw you gave DSP4Life some feed on his keystyle, but if you want to receive some good feedback, you should give it. Just saying that he could do better isn't really constructive criticism. Let him know how he can improve or how he could have done it better. Let him know what you liked and didn't like about his drop and what he can do to better it. That way, when/if he comes back, he'll be able to return the favor just as thoroughly for one of your keystyles. Have I cleared it up for you at all?

 

[Tha Killa]

im living in sin were there used 2 drinkin this gin,
were they be pinching they skins wit a couple of pins and then go share wit they friendz,
a place hatred never endz were ya fate is the pens cuz serving hemph is da trend to get ya self a benz
this is da gehtto dream letting da metal scream till ya cripple spleans using a tripple beam on dat dime an nickle scheme
blowing hella green looking like when da kettle steams wit a mobbin rebel team

Since you did give feedback to two other people (next time your going to have to post links to the feedback)....I'll let you know what I thought of this verse.

This is pretty short and structured in a way that makes it hard as fuck to comprehend. I mean, I can understand it but it has no kind of flow to it. You did good with the bolded but a little bit of punctuation can go a loooooooong way. And since the subject matter is kinda played, I just gotta say that you could do SO much more with that concept. If it were me, I'd try to take a completely different approach to it, one that hasn't been done before.

I liked your use of multis but they got drowned in the disorganization of the verse. It was kinda all over the place. Next time, structure it tighter so that the syllables of each line match up better. That'll give the verse more rhythm and a sense of direction. I'd also try to pick a less cliché subject matter next time around. I think you can be a dope writer if you only put more focus into what you write.