Debate:Living with your Parents Man vs Woman..is it Ok??

[Kwan Dai]

Do what you gotta do. It ain't the 1960s anymore where you can get a job right out of high school and be there for 50 years.

One thing I do say though, is if you live on your own then you need to be ON YOUR OWN. Its alot of mofos out here that claim independent but got mama and daddy helping with rent, helping with food, helping with shopping to the point where you might as well be at home.

That's the worst thing to me. Staying at home and helping your parents out while they help you out is a partnership. Them scratching up rent to help you is bullshit. Asking them to take care of two homes is bullshit.

Duke that's real talk!!!! An ether was enough. BIG UP!!!!

 

[Kwan Dai]

I'm 33 living in NYC (the actual city not an outer borough). Left home in my 20s now I'm back.

I left a beautiful 2 bedroom panty dropper of an apt on riverside drive out in harlem. Both rooms were the size of living rooms and they overlooked the highway and riverside park. I bounced because my mom needed financial help setting up her business in PA and also needed me to help my kid sister with her kids since she was leaving NY for PA.

So I moved back home to help my sis who is early 20s, bipolar and clinically depressed so she's not even motivated to work. Also to be a father figure to my 7 year old niece who really needs a positive role model at home and help out with a newborn baby.

My hos think it's sweet that I put family first so they still come through. Especially since I'm home alone 85% of the time I'm at the crib so I still got my freedom, my nest egg never looked better, next tax season I get to claim dependents and I also get to focus more money on student loan paybacks and I finally also get to save for a car plus I'll be back out on my own in a year or so anyway. No regrets.

Like others said it's not the 60s anymore. Circumstances after the recession really changed things. Especially for those of us in major cities which are uneccessarily expensive to live in.

Family before anything. Right, wrong or indifferent. You're doing the right thing family. Take care of your girls.

I tell my son that all the time. If, I aint here take care of our girls. That's your duty.

I've been out of the game for years. Does the Mote not work any more? When we were coming up that was sure fire way to get the draws. Head to the Mote. LOL!!!

 

[Cabana_Da_Don]

If you study the rich you will notice they help there children to the max so they can have a real possibility of having a good life.If you put them out they will be glad when you´re no longer among the livings.

 

[Kwan Dai]

Another thing to consider is, when pushing our children into higher education and I mean further then Bachelors it's imperative that they know staying at home is their first option. We can't produce Dr. and Lawyers by kicking our kids out of the house and not supporting them beyond a Bachelors degree.

 

[caddo man]

Not going to lie. My son and daughter have a year after he graduate college to have a plan in place on his future. I want to walk around naked in my home cooking eggs and drinking the last of the kool aid.

My wife stayed with my mother in law up until we got married. That is cool in all but I wasnt built like that. I took my lumps at 18. I aint staying with my parents. Cant have a smoking session and a all night fucking session in your parents basement. LOL!

it's about priorities....

just because you could take those lumps...doesn't mean your kids can.

an why put them thru that?

cuz you wanna get high with ya dikk out with red koolaid on tap?

you had your chance in the sun. sacrafice is the word after you nutted to make them.

they should not have to suffer the same as you did....cuz you did that already.

do they really deserve that?

black people got enough problems bruh without some generational shit adding to it.

an over red koolaid at that....

Dont leave out the eggs................scrambled with cheese.

I left my home with bad credit at 18 because my parents had opened cable bills and shit in my name. I had a half year in college with my only work experience as a cook. No prospect of me doing any better at home. Boom ...........................I am out! After 5 years of struggle, I finally had my shit together to where I was helping my mom and pops. But I had to strike out on my own.

My wife is cool with my kids staying at home because that is what her mother let her do. But you are not staying in my house without a plan. Tell me what you want to do and I will help you. College is already damn near paid for. No student loans. They will leave my house with a degree and no debt. I will help him along the way on his independence but you better have a plan if you are staying at my house.

 

[Broddie]

I'm 33 living in NYC (the actual city not an outer borough). Left home in my 20s now I'm back.

I left a beautiful 2 bedroom panty dropper of an apt on riverside drive out in harlem. Both rooms were the size of living rooms and they overlooked the highway and riverside park. I bounced because my mom needed financial help setting up her business in PA and also needed me to help my kid sister with her kids since she was leaving NY for PA.

So I moved back home to help my sis who is early 20s, bipolar and clinically depressed so she's not even motivated to work. Also to be a father figure to my 7 year old niece who really needs a positive role model at home and help out with a newborn baby.

My hos think it's sweet that I put family first so they still come through. Especially since I'm home alone 85% of the time I'm at the crib so I still got my freedom, my nest egg never looked better, next tax season I get to claim dependents and I also get to focus more money on student loan paybacks and I finally also get to save for a car plus I'll be back out on my own in a year or so anyway. No regrets.

Like others said it's not the 60s anymore. Circumstances after the recession really changed things. Especially for those of us in major cities which are uneccessarily expensive to live in.

Family before anything. Right, wrong or indifferent. You're doing the right thing family. Take care of your girls.

I tell my son that all the time. If, I aint here take care of our girls. That's your duty.

I've been out of the game for years. Does the Mote not work any more? When we were coming up that was sure fire way to get the draws. Head to the Mote. LOL!!!

Haven't been to a telly in years. All good though my old bedroom is enough for these inwood hos.

 

[Shuffington]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

 

[EmM HoLLa.]

My son has til 18.. I'll prep him up until then. After that it's up to him to sink or swim.. In an absolute jam ill throw him a life vest. But you gotta man up.. I left home at 17..

 

[semi-auto-mato]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

 

[farris2k1]

Its better than being broke and barely making rent...do what you have to do

This

 

[2stepz_ahead]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

well stop giving me shit all the time...im a builder

 

[5th Letter]

I'm not kicking my kids out other groups let their kids stay with them and allow them to finish school, find a stable job before leaving.

 

[Logical Truths]

I had a HS teacher that still lived with his mom. Not because he had to, he just wanted to be there for her same way she did for him growing up.

Some cracked a lot of jokes, but he was a cool ass teacher that was well respected. He didn't even care, no shame. He put us on to alot of life lessons if you actually took the time to listen......I couldn't live with my parents past a certain point, but I got the message/sentiment he tried to instill within us.

Do you. People will always have something to say, but love is real. Dont let societies expectations stop you from loving unconditionally. Especially to those who deserve it.

Opinions arent important at the end of the day. Love is

 

[KamPushMe]

I had a HS teacher that still lived with his mom. Not because he had to, he just wanted to be there for her same way she did for him growing up.

Some cracked a lot of jokes, but he was a cool ass teacher that was well respected. He didn't even care, no shame. He put us on to alot of life lessons if you actually took the time to listen......I couldn't live with my parents past a certain point, but I got the message/sentiment he tried to instill within us.

Do you. People will always have something to say, but love is real. Dont let societies expectations stop you from loving unconditionally. Especially to those who deserve it.

Opinions arent important at the end of the day. Love is

 

[Shuffington]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

 

[Madame_CJSkywalker]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

You make some good points, but I think we can all agree teaching them responsibility or "to swim" does not necessarily require our parent's idea of tough love

Rather than kicking your child out the house by some arbitrary point in time, fiscally speaking it's best to loan them the money for college directly or charge them rent opposed to a bank or stranger

We know as blk ppl they will face discrimination in the job and lending market, why make life harder for them?

 

[CapitalB]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

i get the whole "sink or swim" anaology..

but its different ways to teach a child how to swim rather then jus throwin them in the deep end and sayin "figure it out."

regardless if u knownur there to help them or not that kid may drown or go into shock and be damaged for the rest of his or her life never wantin to set foot in a pool..

i was raised different than my brother and sister..

moms prepared me for life at an early age.. cause what was waitin for me was the streets.. and she made sure i was equipped when that day eventually came when i had to step off that porch...

unless u settin ur kids up to succeed at an early age i really feel u should be holdin they hand until they figure it out on their own/ wit ur guidance.. whatever that age is..

they didnt ask to be here we did..

i use to say i dont owe nobody shit! not even my momma.. she did what she was suppose to do! but i have a daughtet now.. and plan on havin more kids.. my duty is to them and to make sure they lives are that much easier and goes that much further at my expense..

thats how the rich get richer..

the poor stay poor because for whatever reason we think the way we are is okay and our kids should go through the same shit and be the same way..

nah.. i want my kids better than me.. and they kids better than them..

i left at 19 tried to leave at 18 but moms begged me to stay.. even begged me at 19 but i had to go.. but im jus different..

im not gonna put that kind of pressure for my kids to be me cause im not raisin them like i was or in the same conditions.. i want them to take they time and be the best person they can be.. so if that means stayin home.. then eh..

 

[Kwan Dai]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

Your posts wreaks of resentment. And if alot of us are coming from poverty (which I am not sure what sky you pulled this from) it would make total sense for families to pool their resources as opposed to kicking out family in an attempt to teach lesson in responsibility. The fact that people are knee deep in debt is because, they are going at it alone and much of this is because our culture says if you don't have these "THINGS" you're a failure. So, us dumb ass blacks will continue to watch Africans, Asians, Indians and even whites surpass us because they fight tooth and nail to keep their families intact, pass on wealth and put the responsibility to maintain their families names sake in high regard.

The Black family has never been able to fully realize it's potential in America. We have seen pockets and great attempts but it's thinking such as this that continues to set us back. Damn we are a broken people and culture.

 

[Shuffington]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

i get the whole "sink or swim" anaology..

but its different ways to teach a child how to swim rather then jus throwin them in the deep end and sayin "figure it out."

regardless if u knownur there to help them or not that kid may drown or go into shock and be damaged for the rest of his or her life never wantin to set foot in a pool..

i was raised different than my brother and sister..

moms prepared me for life at an early age.. cause what was waitin for me was the streets.. and she made sure i was equipped when that day eventually came when i had to step off that porch...

unless u settin ur kids up to succeed at an early age i really feel u should be holdin they hand until they figure it out on their own/ wit ur guidance.. whatever that age is..

they didnt ask to be here we did..

i use to say i dont owe nobody shit! not even my momma.. she did what she was suppose to do! but i have a daughtet now.. and plan on havin more kids.. my duty is to them and to make sure they lives are that much easier and goes that much further at my expense..

thats how the rich get richer..

the poor stay poor because for whatever reason we think the way we are is okay and our kids should go through the same shit and be the same way..

nah.. i want my kids better than me.. and they kids better than them..

i left at 19 tried to leave at 18 but moms begged me to stay.. even begged me at 19 but i had to go.. but im jus different..

im not gonna put that kind of pressure for my kids to be me cause im not raisin them like i was or in the same conditions.. i want them to take they time and be the best person they can be.. so if that means stayin home.. then eh..

word...

I think this is one of those threads where we can have different opinions.

Some times we need to sink .... Im not talking about drowning and dying tho....lol

A little bit of struggle is good.

For example... my car broke down the first day of my first real job ... and nobody had money like that for me.

I found out that a guy at my new job was selling his car because he was buying his friends car. I ended up working out a payment plan to buy his car from him because I didn't have 8stacks at the time. (that was a 3 week ordeal). If that didn't work out, Im pretty sure I would've figured out something else if need be, but I was fortunate that this guy was selling his car and he was down to work out a payment plan with me.... A guy he didn't even know really well.

fast forward to today and I work with some of these millennials that just cry about everything... yet they come in, take a long lunch break, leave early and complain about how they have to much work to do...geezus

But our biggest difference is the bolded...... Im less focused on making there life easier and more about

building strength so they can swim and eventually swim on their own terms.

My pops was a military man so I guess thats why I feel that way.

What "seemed hard" growing up....(when I lived with my father part time)... at the end of the day wasn't hard at all when I compare it to this everyday life sh*t I got going on now.

Im just about discipline ... focus... and execution ...delivered through a filter of love.

The sooner you affix your child to that mind set ..IMO... the better chance they'll have at success ... even if they fail a few times... which I expect them to do.... but you not gonna be "not trying" in my house and sh*t.

but check it, Im not about abandoning my children ( if I had a child ). Im more so about letting them know from Jump that they can do whatever f*ck they want to do ... as long as they have a plan and execute against. Lack of preparation is preparation for failure and I can't help you if you don't have some sort of plan.

 

[Shuffington]

I personally believe that the earlier a kid can move out of the nest, provided they have a legit(?) plan, the better.

I don't subscribe to the thinking that you should wait until everything is "perfect" before you leave.

Any kid determined to be something imo, will persevere regardless of their circumstances.

For me, After 18, I left the east coast and moved to the midwest for school. I couldn't rely on my parents for the little things either. Through school I built a level of discipline that has been helpful to me till this day. It also helps to know wtf you wanna do in life before you graduate from High School. big plus!

I can say now that I purchased my second home with a garage, I have a solid career, no kids draining my finances and 1 new car and 1 shitty car for family to drive when they come visit me. .. its not much ... but I feel confident that I will get through if times get rocky.

first let me let me say congrats on the second home.

ur post is a good post but it also highlights an old school way of thinking we have in the black community. we have this every man for themselves mentality that we are passing on to our kids. we have a hidden anger that we pass to our kids. no one helped me so im not going to help u. whats wrong with funding ur child's college so they don't have the debt u may have accumulated when ur parents refused to pay for ur schooling? what's wrong with breaking the cycle?

I got 4 kids and I never looked at them as draining my pockets. I would find a way to be broke if I was single and had no kids.

we can either build or destroy.

I don't know if I agree completely... but I understand.

I think it has less to do with some sort of Anger and resentment and more to do with a lot of us coming from a lower class up bringing.

Most of my ambition comes from my parents giving me hope but a lot of it comes from seeing them struggle (mainly mom)... and I'm pretty sure she was struggling because she had my black ass and wanted to give me the best life possible... but lets be honest... I didn't have the cool sh*t growing up for the most part. We had basic TV and fake Cereal with water.

I personally don't think its wrong or right to fund your kids college. I just think it depends on the parents relationship with their children.

I have a personal belief that the sooner you are faced with the reality that .... "F*ck!... if I don't swim .... I will sink!" It'll do wonders for you.... and Im not talking about major sh*t like... being evicted and being homeless... Im talking about basic things like learning how to budget for the week.... or sh*t like learning to fix your car... for me personally.... Leaving and moving far away for college was the experience I needed because I left on a partial scholarship and I had to maintain a certain GPA .... this was my sink or swim moment so I had to smarten up...

Also the fact that I had to pay a few loans back meant that the whole time I was in school I was networking and figuring out how to secure employment after I graduate so I can pay back those damn loans.

I just think that parents need-not coddle and pamper their children like a baby past a certain age. I know it wasn't their fault that they were procreated, but now that they're here; they have to contribute. And by contribute... that means...Take on task that builds responsibility while also figuring out what it is you want to do with your life so you can plan accordingly.

The hope is that when the kids reach adult hood they won't just move aimlessly through life.

You make some good points, but I think we can all agree teaching them responsibility or "to swim" does not necessarily require our parent's idea of tough love

Rather than kicking your child out the house by some arbitrary point in time, fiscally speaking it's best to loan them the money for college directly or charge them rent opposed to a bank or stranger

We know as blk ppl they will face discrimination in the job and lending market, why make life harder for them?

It depends on the child....for sure.

But Im not about to loan money just for the sake of it ... Get your ass out their and apply for the fifty trillion scholarships that they have available. I need these kids to be activated and get after it.

Charging them rent is a good solution that I can rock with tho.