Untitled (Random Bars)

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Legend24

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My biggest piece of advice... you should work on your vocabulary. The rhyming was very simple; a solid vocab will make your rhymes seem much more complex. Throw some multis in there and mix up the rhyme scheme with some internal rhymes (you did a bit of that so solid shit there). I know it's just random bars but I'll mention it anyways... your bars pretty much all say the same thing: "I'm the shit and you can't hold me" type lines. Keep up the hustle.
 
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Not bad, seemed to use "like" a lot to form your similies so in the future try and be a little less blatant with it and try to work more subtle word play, you got bars but it seemed like you lacked direction why not try writing a verse on some random topic it might give you a little focus, good job though.
 
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konflickdineromob;894068 said:
im a Heavy hitter in the game like an obese ball player

stopping me you need all yall prayers cuz im tht top slayer

ending your world like its Twenty Twelve

then pop ya girls pussy like its a heavy shell

cuz thts my oath ima put tht braud in a comatose

and word 2 my my folks ima get my bread in loafs

like da son ov a mobster be tht Number one on the roster no room 4 yall to prosp

so dont sleep on me like im a couch i got more shit stashed than a pouch

sorta like tht reverend a run da house

all up on some tiddys like a blouse

have her on her knees like im god

ya she a bitch but im a dog

burn blunts da size of logs

and cut cops heads offlike they hogs

i run this no room 4 ya 2 jog

its just a waste thinking u could take me place

cuz u gram and ima key of base i ilve like lifes a race think u keep up to pace

wit this killa bees buzz got luvz 4 da b's and cuz cuz they know wut a g duz why we smoke till we buz

never been farid 2 say tht im here 2 stay leave tht fear 4 gays hustle 4 night and days cuz hey it pays

but font 4get 2 stash way cuz sometimes clouds be passin grey

never put bitches b 4 da cash just crossin out wit a dash

then make ya moves fast as da flash

and bash these titans tht wanna clash

i stay itching 4 more like a rash

and ya ill fuck over karmasutra ya weed man thtll get ya stone like madusa

chicks luv my cock they call it rooster

and i see u karma ima shoot yah,

root ov all evil i pursuit yah

my lifes been a bitch wit a cold

but i still put on da corner next to da toll till every ov her sold

cuz im a true player i never fold

ia been locked but i never told

i feel young nigga but my mind feels fucking old

makin geniuses look like dummys cuz i got shit wrapped up like a mummy

mke every day rain money like there wasnt ever a day sunny

from night till morning i be brain storming only 4 da better let da change form in

wit standing da pain like young foreman

This is vintage Lil Wayne right here. You got some jewels in this

wit this killa bees buzz got luvz 4 da b's and cuz cuz they know wut a g duz why we smoke till we buz

never been farid 2 say tht im here 2 stay leave tht fear 4 gays hustle 4 night and days cuz hey it pays

but font 4get 2 stash way cuz sometimes clouds be passin grey

never put bitches b 4 da cash just crossin out wit a dash

then make ya moves fast as da flash

and bash these titans tht wanna clash
 
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