Spin-off: When It Comes to Dating/Marriage, To What Extent Is Compatibility Necessary or Desirable?

[spit_fiya]

i can say i hate when people say marriage is like a business.

that has always been the dumbest damn comparison to me

How is it dumb? It's also a legally binding contract; if you breach the terms in the contract, you're coming out of pocket.

 

[the dukester]

This is like a staunch atheist a staunch Muslim being together. Shit ain't gonna work

I disagree solider.

I'm a staunch atheist, and my "wifey"/baby mom's is a Jesus freak to the 5th power!

How does it work??

I stay in my lane (I don't ridicule or mock her "adult fairy tale" beliefs, and she eventually gave up on trying to "convert"/save me.)

Apparently, our relationship is running on pure "oil & water."

DO Ya Wife Spend Extended Hours in Bible studies??? stay Over time after Church services???

u stay in your lane alright

Haha, I know where you going with that pimpin.

Don't get me wrong, I've had to shut a few "inquiries" down, via the fact of my non-presence in church activities left her venerable to wolves in sheep's clothing.

Additionally, there was a particularly contentious time when our parenting philosophies clashed, based upon our differing (religious-based) her, and and my (secular-beliefs).

It's like when you first learn to ride a bicycle, and you're wobbly at first, but time , patience, and practice eventually "straightens out the wheel."

From my perspective, because I've consistently demonstrated the tenets of manhood (credit: Malcolm X) of being the protector & provider. I think that tends to trump other flaws that may be magnified, if I wasn't putting the proper work in.

 

[MoneyPowerRespect]

I just broke things off with someone who treated me decently, but we had absolutely nothing in common. No interests, hobbies, nothing. It was purely sexual and pmo..it took about 3 months for me to see it tho.

I like to read and color (the adult books) and he worked on cars. But that man liked reality tv

 

[Plutarch]

I just broke things off with someone who treated me decently, but we had absolutely nothing in common. No interests, hobbies, nothing. It was purely sexual and pmo..it took about 3 months for me to see it tho.

I like to read and color (the adult books) and he worked on cars. But that man liked reality tv

interesting, but it took a whole three months?

what is "pmo"?

adult coloring books exist??

 

[Plutarch]

Compatability don't determine love, just like background don't determine success in life. I get asked a lot how me and mine stand strong because we've been together longer than most couples in our circle. I always tell em put the love ahead of everything and all else will fall into place. I love hip hop, my love don't like that shit at all, i'm a homebody, she's pretty outgoing. There are other things, some big, some small that we differ in, and there are things that we have in common, but the main line is the love and respect from both sides.

When you first tell somebody you love em, most likely, you don't know to what extent, and you really ain't put enough work in to deserve to say those words like that, it's almost like the beginning of professing love is a promise ring. But there's a point where it becomes so strong, all else don't even matter, at that point, you really know what love is. Money problems, disagreements over children, in laws, all that other bullshit don't matter and ya'll end up being in sync with each other. I can't explain, you just have to be there. Nothing like growing together, these are the depths few reach and ain't willing to grind to in order to possess such a understanding. Don't get it fucked up, it is a grind.

There is nowhere where compatibility comes into play because we simply don't see it. Well, I simply don't see it, we just work around the differences and enjoy the similarities, and just wait a while, some of those differences become similarities lol. I remember in shawshank redemption where morgan freeman said "at first you hate these walls, then there's a point where you get used to em, and after a while you need em". Love is like that. Once you put so much into a person, one day you look at em and they represent something totally different, it transcends all that compatibility shit.

@Shuffington said it really ain't a blueprint to making love last, but I disagree, there's no blueprint to birthing a love relationship, everything from match.com to waffle house after the club, I think the IC even produced some real shit. But sustaining it starts and ends with keeping the love first. Doing so gives you a patience and a willingness to understand and remain loyal through compatibility issues, weight gain, fading looks or under pressure, and won't leave you jaded over time like money and/or good sex or other shit that don't hold weight.

Keep it first always. Love tell compatibility to hop his soft ass in the back seat lol.

powerful post

 

[MoneyPowerRespect]

I just broke things off with someone who treated me decently, but we had absolutely nothing in common. No interests, hobbies, nothing. It was purely sexual and pmo..it took about 3 months for me to see it tho.

I like to read and color (the adult books) and he worked on cars. But that man liked reality tv

interesting, but it took a whole three months?

what is "pmo"?

adult coloring books exist??

I was dealing with their spokesman.

Pissed me off.

Yes. They're called 'therapeutic'. But I like em.

 

[Brother_Five]

how are y'all defining compatibility?

As I understand it, you can be different from someone and still be compatible.

How would one function in a relationship with someone incompatible?

 

[Max.]

Like i said "I dont know."

I think my down fall is always trying to be compatible with christian Black women even tho im more conscious than Malcolm X.

I bring up religion because while they're at church listening to a pastor who is telling them that the reason her relationship isnt working is because he isnt there in church, receiving the word, with them, while...

We're at home playing playstation/Xbox and calling it "free time."

The hustle is real.

Conscious Black Womens FTW.

who tf does this guy think he is

Ok ghandi

 

[CeLLaR-DooR]

Yo what you mean by compatibility

Yes, that's a vague term. I'm talking about compatibility as far as interests/passions, religion, race, outlooks on life, introvert vs. extrovert, etc. I think that this post sheds some light:

Compatibility can mean a few different things. Me and my old lady are VERY different. We just have vastly different outlooks on life. Some people look at that as us not being compatible. But that's not how I define compatibility because, for the most part, her weaknesses are my strengths and vice verse. The shit that she pays not attention to at all...are usually things I pay close attention to. Etc, etc.

Also, it depends on how patient you are and how much work you're willing to put into your relationship. If you aren't very patient and aren't willing to put in the work to work out the kinks and get on the same page, being with someone you are very 'compatible' with is a necessity.

By your definition, nah not at all.

I wouldn't call that compatibility though. Compatibility is more like how those traits and attributes of the two people mesh and marry. It's difficult to be general like 'two selfish people aren't compatible' coz they may have other traits that compliment each other eg they may be attracted to each other's ambition.

 

[reapin505]

Last woman I tried to be with that wasn't compatible did nothing but give me headaches and argue over our different views. I need someone who is willing to understand me and someone who I can understand without it turning into a fight.

 

[2stepz_ahead]

i can say i hate when people say marriage is like a business.

that has always been the dumbest damn comparison to me

How is it dumb? It's also a legally binding contract; if you breach the terms in the contract, you're coming out of pocket.

because business is for profit and marriage should be loving the person your with. i dont have to love business to be able to make money, just be good at it.

i never heard of being good at marriage... even if youre good at fukkin the marriage consists of so many other things that need to be balanced out.

they do have comparisons but the way people use it is dumb.

i often tell my wife, my business is my side chick