Ayo whattup its ya boy P-Tone aka Volcano Hands aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps nahmean! Word up the Hands of Zeus is in the buildin. Lotta ****** been askin the god "Ayo Thor Molecules when you gon review that Memphis Cole joint?" Aint like the god was frontin but a ***** been mad busy namsayin so we hadda put that shit on ice while Riggatone handled that other shit nahmean. But Im pretty sure ey'body hadda chance to illegally download that shit by now so lets get this shit poppin b. First off young Eeyore lookin like some ***** jus snatched his balloon animals from him on this cover yo. That shit need to be addressed rite now son. Jermaine lookin like he jus got violated in the showers n he tryin to figure out a way to explain it to his girl. Im sayin yo...is this ***** capable of a facial expression that dont make him look like a victim son?
Cmon Jermaine...you spose to be celebratin the fact that Jiggaman lettin you drop ya album finally yo! Nah he aint takin you on tour wit him n Yeezy but you can still sell some merch on ya own tour baby pa. ****** can stop askin why a dude who aint got no album is doin a muthafuckin 65 date world tour like he Bono or some shit now yo! Whatever tho son...lets get this shit started b...
1. Intro - Son jus explainin to a couple ****** how he wanna tell the story of the day he got signed...instead he spits a couple bars tho. Lotta dope albums got dope intros...sometimes its skits...sometimes its jus ****** buildin n talkin shit....Amerikkkas Most Wanted, Ready To Die, The Chronic, Illmatic, The Dynnasty, Cuban Linx....Lotta classic joints yo. Word.....this aint like those.
2. Dollar and a Dream III - This beat sounds like Puffy circa Life After Death was in the studio wit his toothpick in his mouth tellin ****** to "put more cinematic on it" while ****** looked at each other shakin they heads n shit namsayin. Word...the little homie Jermaine got his Nashiem Myrick n Carlos Broady on. But instead a spittin some gutter ass tales bout robbin ****** or clappin ****** kids by accident...son jus doin what HE be doin best namsayin. Which is cool nahmean....but this ***** jus gettin his Eeyore on again b. Aint much here that this ***** can tell us that he aint already weeped bout before son. We get it *****...you was unsigned...n now you signed. Word...dreams really do come true n ****** shouldnta doubted ya ass.... Son always gotta squeeze in AT LEAST one lame bar tho. On this joint its "boy you cant outsmart me....I make you fee like you the shit, but boy you cant out-fart me"
3. Cant Get Enough (ft Trey Songz) - This shit sounds like the ***** hopped in his time machine n copped a beat that Twista aint wanna pay Kanye for in 2003 yo. This muthafucka sound dated as fuck son. I was almost expectin this ***** to start rhymin bout poppin tags n shit. But I aint really mad at this joint. It is what it is yo. Lame bar (that ey'body at his shows gon scream when the music stops n he points the mic at the crowd): "I love when you give me heeeeaaaaad...I hate when you give me headaches"
4. Lights Please - Ayo when this beat started the god was thinkin "Word...... . NOWTHISWHATTHEFUCKUM MTALMBOUT!" Son...a ***** was thinkin the intro to the joint was dope as shit...like this bout to be a problem namsayin. One minute in n this ***** still rhymin over the intro...the beat aint change yet or nothin...cool. Guess the little ***** tryin to make a point...BUT NAH...the hook comes in n the muthafuckin beat still sound like the intro son (by the way yo....you kno how all the hooks Drizzy be croonin sound like he makin em up as he go? Word...it sound kinda like this ***** gettin his Drake on here forreal yo...except son dont be hittin those bitch notes as much) Lame bar: "Laid a ***** down proper like she was recordin tracks"
5. Interlude - This ***** interruptin his album to finish off the story from his intro namsayin....the one ****** probably already forgot bout n shit. Personally I feel like son jus wanted to be on some "oh by the way shit" n mention that he had to pay the price for "drivin dirty" one time....wit no license nahmean. Eventually yo...the law caught up to the little ***** n he went to jail b....for the nite.
6. Sideline Story - This beat kinda cool....feels like some shit where you might be in a nice restaurant eatiin some lobster tails or some scampi or primavera type joint n listenin to some shit like that namsayin... n then some unsigned random ***** grabs the mic n starts spittin his bars or whatever. The hook sounds like some shit Drake mighta left on sons voicemail again. Lame bar: "my hooks can knock Rocky out" Smh...swear Grandmaster Caz probably came up wit that one in like '82 n then crumpled that shit up into a paper ball n came wit some better shit yo.
7. Mr Nice Watch (ft Jay-Z) Oh shit par....its that Jay feature that almost became sons 905th L in 3 years when Hovi aint give this ***** a 16 til the day shit was bout to get mastered yo. Too bad he jumped on a track that sounds like some shit that a Timbaland stan from like Croatia or Qatar or some shit laced in his bedroom son. The hook is pure muthafuckin struggle my *****...I aint even gon get into it yo. Somebody tell this ***** he dont gotta croon on ALL these joints tho b. Jiggaman gave this ***** one a his "Oh its for Bleek's joint? Aight here ya go" verses. Jay knows when he in danger of gettin renegaded....n that shit wasnt gon be happenin here son. Son couldnta renegaded Lil Boosie on this shit b. Word is bond son. Lame bar: "I rap like its Christmas Eve" ....Cmon Jermaine.
8. Cole World - This beat got more of that same Euro ***** swag that the last joint had. Its cool if ****** wanna get on some international shit n show some variety or some culture b....but this beat kinda ass yo. This sounds like some shit that muthafuckas in Moscow be doin Russian kicks to....like you gotta be splashin 180 proof vodka on slave bitches n rockin a bear skin coat wit the head still on it to really appreciate shit like this son. Then this ***** get on some Borat shit durin the hook when he singin "Got a hundred fifty bitches in the club starin' at me/ How that feel? Very happy!" Yall listen to this shit tho..."How that feel? VERY HAPPY". Son...thats some "no speaky inglish" type shit yo. This joint starts out wit the line "it took me all day to find some inspiration"...ayo maybe you shoulda put it back where you found it son. Cos apparently you found that shit in the back of a gypsy caravan or some shit b. You want lame bars tho? Son be spittin darts like "See my man Nate, asked me if I gained weight/ I said nah, my pockets got fatter, that's all", "I got the type of shit that make a hater say sorry" n "Bitch, I made this in the crib, watchin' Belly/ eatin' peanut butter jelly, what the fuck can ****** tell me?" n all kindsa dogshit bars...take ya pick yo. Its like a wackass bars smorgasbord on this shit b.
9. In The Morning (ft The Kitten Whisperer) - Damn son....you kno the album aint really goin rite for a ***** when you relieved to hear the Drizzy joint nahmean. Still think this beat is dope...which kinda makes sense namsayin since this joint one a the only ones that Jermaine aint produce by hisself. Word is bond yo...this ***** gave all his best beats away to muthafuckas like Kendrick (see HiiiPoWeR) n XV (peep Smallville) namsayin. Kinda forgot that Aubrey sounds like a rapist on this shit tho nahmean. I think the ***** talmbout how he use to fuck horses when he was a kid in his verse or some shit son. N even tho Young Angel droppin bars bout ridin stallions n shootin lotion outta his finger tips... this little ***** Cole aka L-ton John STILL gon find a way to squeeze in the lamest bar on this shit wit "no strings attached, like a cordless phone" Son...when was the last time you seen a phone that DID have a cord yo? You write this verse in 1987 g? Cmon son...its 2011 yo. Cordless phones? That shits like sayin "word...I got these condoms that aint made outta lamb intestines son" or "word....I gotta TV that aint black n white at my crib namsayin" or "word....I like broads who dont got mustaches or dicks yo". Stop it Jermaine...
10. Lost Ones - First off yo...this shit got pretty much the same drumbeat as the Lights Out joint...which really be drivin home that point that son been runnin outta ideas for beats a long ass time now yo. But SON...on a album full of bitchified lotiony hooks...this shit might actually be the the lotioniest n bitchifiedest hook of them all yo... "I aint too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes...I cry sometimes about it...."
Son...is you fuckin serious? Shit gets even more bitched out when the ***** starts spittin from the perspective of a pregnant broad for the whole second verse. "I let you hit it raw muthafucka...now Im pregnant". Word...mad ****** is gon be spittin along to that shit b. Nas dont even get away wit doin shit like that son...
