Hey Raven,
I thought the topic was pretty deep, and I'm glad your at peace now after having to experience a love gon wrong..
However, let me be the devils advocate for the day.. I think you could had done a better job in expressing yourself poetically. But that's why were here tho, to help you grow, not just you but everybody else that posts here with their poetic pieces. When I say better job expressing your self, I'm talking about using different verbs, and you used to many I's like that could had been changed in terms of telling the story from a 3rd person. I'm more than willing help you get up to par. You have great poetential to reach your heights..and I think you can probably learn a thing or two from reading some of the other poets jawn.. VSOP and real p is usually good at telling love stories and you might learn a thing or two reading their joints.
Please, don't take offense in this, take it as constructive feedback, and I wouldn't tell you nothing if I didnt care.. we all had been there, and we have our flaws, I mean I know my shit isn't always perfect, I had jawns that was just ehhh but getting feedback from others made me grow and challenge myself..
So I would like to you to see you grow so please stick around and keep dropping, if you need help writting a piece or some tips or anything the like, just hit me up or use the first thread of this forum and everyone can pitch in their thoughts.. trust me i love to help people progress with their poetry and watching them grow is a beautiful thing, it's a rewarding feeling.. so don't hesitate alright..
Like i mention earlier, this is a deep love topic that I would love to see you edit and revise and further into more details and express the raw emotions.. most of all thanks for sharing with us, I appreciate that..
Peace!
I thought the topic was pretty deep, and I'm glad your at peace now after having to experience a love gon wrong..
However, let me be the devils advocate for the day.. I think you could had done a better job in expressing yourself poetically. But that's why were here tho, to help you grow, not just you but everybody else that posts here with their poetic pieces. When I say better job expressing your self, I'm talking about using different verbs, and you used to many I's like that could had been changed in terms of telling the story from a 3rd person. I'm more than willing help you get up to par. You have great poetential to reach your heights..and I think you can probably learn a thing or two from reading some of the other poets jawn.. VSOP and real p is usually good at telling love stories and you might learn a thing or two reading their joints.
Please, don't take offense in this, take it as constructive feedback, and I wouldn't tell you nothing if I didnt care.. we all had been there, and we have our flaws, I mean I know my shit isn't always perfect, I had jawns that was just ehhh but getting feedback from others made me grow and challenge myself..
So I would like to you to see you grow so please stick around and keep dropping, if you need help writting a piece or some tips or anything the like, just hit me up or use the first thread of this forum and everyone can pitch in their thoughts.. trust me i love to help people progress with their poetry and watching them grow is a beautiful thing, it's a rewarding feeling.. so don't hesitate alright..
Like i mention earlier, this is a deep love topic that I would love to see you edit and revise and further into more details and express the raw emotions.. most of all thanks for sharing with us, I appreciate that..
Peace!
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