For the fellow men who were raised without a father/male presence..

[S2J]

Niggas need to stop overcompensating.

Fatherless niggas range between two extremes: either they overcompensate by being "hyper masculine" or they are overly effeminate both are equally annoying.

At the end of the day, whether you have a father or not you have to be your own man. Your father can't live your life and handle your situations and responsibilities for you, only you can. That's what it's all about in the end.

You can feel a certain kind of way about the lack of responsibility your father showed, about the lack of comfort and father/son memories but ultimately you have to make your own decisions and accept your own responsibilities.

Shit my father told me went through one ear and out the other. As a teenager I didn't listen to ANY adult, father, mother didnt matter. Ultimately what changed me was maturing on my own, until you mature and make better decisions it doesn't really matter if you have one parent or two. Kids make the same mistakes regardless, fighting when they should have walked away, kept talking when they should have shut up, this stuff is universal. Environment plays a part because certain environments limit options and thus create certain outcomes but the choice is still yours to make.

That's why I feel bad about fatherless KIDS, because they don't learn this, they think you can shirk responsibilities. The world is an adventure, kids explore and in doing so they end up in terrible situations, that's where someone usually steps in to make sure the lesson is learned.

I ended at times in situation my father had never been in so who is gonna tell me how to get out of it? Any one with life experience can step in and help, That's why the Africans say "it takes a village". A two parent system will fail if the environment is fucked up, so folks really put too much pressure on parenting to begin with.

I have a father, but this is not really correct in terms of this thread. One of my favorite quotes comes to mind: 'You dont know what you dont know'

Yes, each individual learns thru life experiences...but, what we talkin here are the traits you grow with that get instilled in you. How can you know to be a 'man' if the person who raises you, breeds you, teaches you, that you pattern yourself after...is a woman? How does a man raised by a woman even know what he's doin wrong? Not major things that are obvious, bu the nouances and sublties of being a man.

 

[Arya Tsaddiq]

No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.

Right on cue a bitch come in and say some bitch shit. Bitch go make some sandwiches. You don't even have a fool tryin to cuff so you need to practice if you want that ring.

All jokes aside you 100% right.

@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.

When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key shyt like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies'

But fuck the rest of that post...she doing what she supposed to do as a mother...

 

[taeboo]

So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.

 

[deadeye]

i know a dude thats like 40 an still needs to try to run thru massive amounts of young chicks.....now while it may sound good...when your 40 be a playa..dont try to out do the 20yrs olds.

another dude i know...always has to lift weights so he can attract the girls and scare the dudes away...these are his words.

'Can't relate.

 

[deadeye]

No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.

Right on cue a bitch come in and say some bitch shit. Bitch go make some sandwiches. You don't even have a fool tryin to cuff so you need to practice if you want that ring.

All jokes aside you 100% right.

@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.

 

[S2J]

So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.

Hilarious. And i dont even really disagree, but hilarious nonetheless.

Only b/c my 13 yr old nephew-who's raised by a single mother-got into some trouble and me n my girl was talkin and you sound just like her

Me: That ngga fukin up he need some male discipline.

Her: *kevin hart female voice* Noooo, noooo, dont be too tough on hiiim, a child needs a reward. He needs rewards for good behavior*

 

[mryounggun]

So me saying a kid shouldn't be comfortable in a violent enviroment is me being passive and soft? Should you know how to navigate in that enviroment if you're in it? Yes, but you should never be comfortable in it.

Hilarious. And i dont even really disagree, but hilarious nonetheless.

Only b/c my 13 yr old nephew-who's raised by a single mother-got into some trouble and me n my girl was talkin and you sound just like her

Me: That ngga fukin up he need some male discipline.

Her: *kevin hart female voice* Noooo, noooo, dont be too tough on hiiim, a child needs a reward. He needs rewards for good behavior*

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

 

[S2J]

No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.

Right on cue a bitch come in and say some bitch shit. Bitch go make some sandwiches. You don't even have a fool tryin to cuff so you need to practice if you want that ring.

All jokes aside you 100% right.

@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.

When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key shyt like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies'

But fuck the rest of that post...she doing what she supposed to do as a mother...

In an ideal situation, yes, she is. Its the yin n yang...good cop bad cop...Momma can be all nice, and the father's job is to instill fear, like

'Pops is crazy. I better do right in school cuz that ngga b pickin up chairs n shyt when he get mad.'

Spoiler

 

[mryounggun]

I think a lot of y'all niggas need to ask yourself if you succeeded in life because of the way your parents raised you or in spite of how your parents raised you.

Also...

If the way you were raised is the only way that works. Different doesn't necessarily mean wrong.

 

[taeboo]

i grew up without a father i can relate to some shit u posted nh

would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and shit? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that shit goes straight to the bin.

I think that ive already forgiven my biological father just based off of the fact that I can't see any male wanting to spend any long term time around my mother. She has a long history of driving men right out of her life(myself included)

This explains a lot.

 

[T. Sanford]

No kid should be comfortable in a violent/super aggressive enviroment.

Right on cue a bitch come in and say some bitch shit. Bitch go make some sandwiches. You don't even have a fool tryin to cuff so you need to practice if you want that ring.

All jokes aside you 100% right.

@Taeboo doin her job to be passive, nurturing, soft, etc...and how its SUPPOSED to work is a black ass James Evans lookin ass father with a fuked up hairline is supposed to be the masculine lead for his child.

When thats not there u get single mothers raisin feminine boys. Sometimes its outwardly feminine, sometimes its that low key shyt like yall said about the temper, reckless, etc. See: '90's babies'

But fuck the rest of that post...she doing what she supposed to do as a mother...

In an ideal situation, yes, she is. Its the yin n yang...good cop bad cop...Momma can be all nice, and the father's job is to instill fear, like

'Pops is crazy. I better do right in school cuz that ngga b pickin up chairs n shyt when he get mad.'

Spoiler

James Evans marrying a bad mother like Florida had him crazy in that episode

 

[S2J]

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

Exactly! That's how you end up with kids with new jordans, tv in they OWN room, PS3, etc, etc...but meanwhile they're marginal students.

You done given them everything they want so where's the incentive to do better? Some parents give long term rewards for temporary behavior-a B on one test now he's got his own entertainment center.

 

[SnuffDaddy]

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

Exactly! That's how you end up with kids with new jordans, tv in they OWN room, PS3, etc, etc...but meanwhile they're marginal students.

You done given them everything they want so where's the incentive to do better? Some parents give long term rewards for temporary behavior-a B on one test now he's got his own entertainment center.

I unno about all that. There's 2 sides to that story.

Listen, people like feeling appreciated, even if it is what they're "supposed to do"? Why else do we have birthdays, mother's/father's day and so much more?

They do that as a way of building self-esteem & drive. Now, each kid is def different. Some get really comfortable when you give them rewards, while others feel they now have some motivation to keep following that straight line & working hard. It's a 2 sided coin and it's hard to tell how your kid responds.

But i dislike when people quickly reference the Chris Rock bit & act like we as human beings dont love to be appreciated no matter what it is.

I think the important thing is to make them understand why & keep consistancy. Yes is yes and no is no. This is why this is a yes and why this is a no.

 

[mryounggun]

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

Exactly! That's how you end up with kids with new jordans, tv in they OWN room, PS3, etc, etc...but meanwhile they're marginal students.

You done given them everything they want so where's the incentive to do better? Some parents give long term rewards for temporary behavior-a B on one test now he's got his own entertainment center.

I unno about all that. There's 2 sides to that story.

Listen, people like feeling appreciated, even if it is what they're "supposed to do"? Why else do we have birthdays, mother's/father's day and so much more?

They do that as a way of building self-esteem & drive. Now, each kid is def different. Some get really comfortable when you give them rewards, while others feel they now have some motivation to keep following that straight line & working hard. It's a 2 sided coin and it's hard to tell how your kid responds.

But i dislike when people quickly reference the Chris Rock bit & act like we as human beings dont love to be appreciated no matter what it is.



I think the important thing is to make them understand why & keep consistancy. Yes is yes and no is no. This is why this is a yes and why this is a no.

I hate that Chris Rock shit, as well.

Anyway, yeah my son is still young as shit (4) so he sometimes still gets a reward for basic shit. But here is my philosophy on parenting:

When your kids are young, your MAIN job is to protect them. Your SECONDARY job is to prepare them for the real world.

When they get older, your MAIN job is to prepare them for the real world. Your SECONDARY job is to protect them.

So as my boy gets older, he's gonna have to start to understand that you shouldn't expect a reward everytime you do normal shit that you are supposed to do. You should expect to be PUNISHED for NOT doing those things. Just like real life. I think the mentality of 'If I do what I'm supposed to do, I get a reward' is how we raise entitled ass kids into entitled as adults.

But I agree that every kid is different.

 

[SnuffDaddy]

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

Exactly! That's how you end up with kids with new jordans, tv in they OWN room, PS3, etc, etc...but meanwhile they're marginal students.

You done given them everything they want so where's the incentive to do better? Some parents give long term rewards for temporary behavior-a B on one test now he's got his own entertainment center.

I unno about all that. There's 2 sides to that story.

Listen, people like feeling appreciated, even if it is what they're "supposed to do"? Why else do we have birthdays, mother's/father's day and so much more?

They do that as a way of building self-esteem & drive. Now, each kid is def different. Some get really comfortable when you give them rewards, while others feel they now have some motivation to keep following that straight line & working hard. It's a 2 sided coin and it's hard to tell how your kid responds.

But i dislike when people quickly reference the Chris Rock bit & act like we as human beings dont love to be appreciated no matter what it is.



I think the important thing is to make them understand why & keep consistancy. Yes is yes and no is no. This is why this is a yes and why this is a no.

I hate that Chris Rock shit, as well.

Anyway, yeah my son is still young as shit (4) so he sometimes still gets a reward for basic shit. But here is my philosophy on parenting:

When your kids are young, your MAIN job is to protect them. Your SECONDARY job is to prepare them for the real world.

When they get older, your MAIN job is to prepare them for the real world. Your SECONDARY job is to protect them.

So as my boy gets older, he's gonna have to start to understand that you shouldn't expect a reward everytime you do normal shit that you are supposed to do. You should expect to be PUNISHED for NOT doing those things. Just like real life. I think the mentality of 'If I do what I'm supposed to do, I get a reward' is how we raise entitled ass kids into entitled as adults.

But I agree that every kid is different.

I hear ya & i agree.

Hey, at least you're there and you trying. Respect, homie.

 

[blackrain]

i grew up without a father i can relate to some shit u posted nh

would yall forgive your father when u get older and he wants to meet you and shit? im not really that forgiving atm he wrote me some letters iont even read that shit goes straight to the bin.

@SnuffDaddy

Nope. Might sound harsh but it is what it is. Last i heard he wasnt in good health either. That nigga is the one who gave me type 1 diabetes as well..

But from what i heard he did love me. But things happened, and no - not your typical "there's three side to a story. His, hers and the truth" thing, but i really havent seen dude since i was like 3-4 years old and i barely remember that. He doesnt even live in the same country as me anymore. I wouldnt even know what his voice sounds like..i heard his voice 1 time in my life (that i can remember) and that was on accident and turned into some bs..i was like 8 years old..Havent heard from him since..so fuck him basically.

My mother used to press my really hard to go visit him/talk to him when i was young and even when i turned into a young adult but i refused. I told ya, i turned cold hearted.

So i could really care less if he died tbh. Same thing with "my" "step-father". They die and id prolly smile. More-so if "my stepfather" died than my biological father tho, cuz at least i really dont know him.

The bold is why no matter what people say it's important to at least attempt to know your family's history if nothing else for medical purposes....as for the rest though it's always interesting when people can clearly express such anger towards a person then try to say they don't care if they live or die. Clearly you care and there's hurt there. Nothing wrong with that, you're supposed to be pissed if your parent/s didnt do what they should have done. That's a normal thing to feel. It don't make someone tougher for pretending not to care.

 

[blackrain]

Ah, the never ending debate that will never die. I was talking to my barber about this a while back. He rewards his kids for stuff they're supposed to do. Not really my thing.

Exactly! That's how you end up with kids with new jordans, tv in they OWN room, PS3, etc, etc...but meanwhile they're marginal students.

You done given them everything they want so where's the incentive to do better? Some parents give long term rewards for temporary behavior-a B on one test now he's got his own entertainment center.

I unno about all that. There's 2 sides to that story.

Listen, people like feeling appreciated, even if it is what they're "supposed to do"? Why else do we have birthdays, mother's/father's day and so much more?

They do that as a way of building self-esteem & drive. Now, each kid is def different. Some get really comfortable when you give them rewards, while others feel they now have some motivation to keep following that straight line & working hard. It's a 2 sided coin and it's hard to tell how your kid responds.

But i dislike when people quickly reference the Chris Rock bit & act like we as human beings dont love to be appreciated no matter what it is.

I think the important thing is to make them understand why & keep consistancy. Yes is yes and no is no. This is why this is a yes and why this is a no.

Yeah this thing of "I don't want to be told I'm appreciated" shit some dudes try to be on is ridiculous. Especially being that the basis of one of those Chris Rock skits they reference is the anger behind the LACK of appreciation for the role that fathers do play. "All daddy gets is the big piece of chicken" is funny but in a sad way and really a way to point out how much people undervalue the role a father plays now, not some way of saying "See, men don't need/want acknowledgment. That shit is for suckas"....

 

[ATTS]

...have you ever acknowledged or noticed where you missed your father in your ways of thinking/acting?

*in before the clowning*. The trolls will have a field day i'm sure, but fuck it, lol.

Serious question.

Ever recognized some of the female traits you took on being raised by women? Whether we notice it or not we adopt alot of it. Some go searching for male presence in the streets cuz of it. Doesnt negate the potential female traits still tho.

I grew up without a father & consistant male influence around me. Was raised by moms, who actually handled it well & was a rarity around my way, but never any real good consistant male presence. Had very few one's for a short duration of time but they came & left or were really bad. Almost murdered my step-father a few years ago, for really real. Still feel guilty for not doing to this day.

Anyway, i always noticed how sympathetic i was/am, especially towards other women. Like i was/am that "nice guy". Not saying i was better than anyone else or that i was a pushover but i was always that good kid. That, of course, isnt a female trait but thats something i got from my mother.

As a kid i was a little uncomfortable around certain aggressive male enviroments or people in general with a certain kind of "confidence", cuz i wasnt used to it, still aint. I wasnt a sissy or whatever but i just wasnt that comfortable. Things like that made people, wannabe bullies, test me tho. Wasnt bullied but i got tried alot.

Then i also noticed that i was sensitive early on. Still am, definitely not as much tho. I also see that i have a nurturing side when it comes to kids (Not in no pedo way either niggas! lol). But as far as loving kids & showing love to them & that is generally a female trait, that i got from my moms. Then i also got insecure alot, which is normal, but cuz i really didnt/dont know how a man is supposed to be/act i always was insecure about alot of stuff.

Over the years though because of my experiences in life i kinda got that male aggressivness thrown at me, like 2pac said, which has made me more cynical, less sympathetic, less forgiving & all that.

Anyone else have things they can acknowledge about themselves? Niggas finna clown, lol, but i'm seriously wondering.

So you are a bitch?

 

[BIGG WILL]

I had a Step-Dad that really didn't teach me anything, or talk to me much. In my younger days I wasn't really aggressive, but I had plenty of fights with everyone. My Step-Brother, Friends, Neighbors, other kids at the Boys and Girls Club. I was one of the kids that shed tears when he got mad and it was a rap.

I guess when I was about 11, or 12 all that flipped and I rarely got into any fights and I never cried. Never got too emotional and shit just rolled off of my back.

Now, Im cool and laid back. I only amp up when I really need too, which is rare.

 

[Ghostdenithegawd]

I had a Step-Dad that really didn't teach me anything, or talk to me much. In my younger days I wasn't really aggressive, but I had plenty of fights with everyone. My Step-Brother, Friends, Neighbors, other kids at the Boys and Girls Club. I was one of the kids that shed tears when he got mad and it was a rap.

I guess when I was about 11, or 12 all that flipped and I rarely got into any fights and I never cried. Never got too emotional and shit just rolled off of my back.

Now, Im cool and laid back. I only amp up when I really need too, which is rare.