6 Awful Realities Behind the Scenes at SeaWorld

[TonyDubbz]

I wish I was an walrius

 

[Like Water]

Anyone ever watch blackfish?

Watched it and realized two years ago I saw Tilikum at the Orlando Sea World. I'll never go to a Sea World again.

Same with the Ringling Bros. Circus.... I just feel some type of way about tigers and elephants acting like domesticated dogs.

I wanted to be a vet for a long time growing up, and seeing these animals in captivity eats at my soul.

 

[Splackavelli]

#2. The Guests Are Drunken Lunatics

The majority of guests are ... well, I don't want to say "terrible people," but they are normally good folks who just emptied their bank accounts to bring their entire family down to Florida (on purpose!) just to visit a baking hot zoo that's been advertised like it's a freaking amusement park. Then we gave them free booze. That's like an instruction sheet on how to build an asshole.

Yes, in many cases, the alcohol is comped. My park made the spectacular decision to offer an "all-inclusive package" that roughly translated to "come get shitfaced and ride some dolphins!" Which ... sounds pretty awesome, at first. The reality is less so.

Some guests were heavily inebriated parents who had given up control of their children to the wild, while others would flirt with the trainers in full view of their spouses, and others just wanted to find a semi-secluded spot to bone in the water. I'm no prude, but for the love of God, please keep your drunken canoodling ass away from the wild predatory animals that I am in charge of protecting.

When I was working in the aviary, a big caged-in exhibit filled with exotic birds, my job was to hand out cups of food to the guests passing through and educate them about the wildlife. Next to me was a tawny frogmouth -- an owly-looking bird that sits perfectly still most of the day.

So I was standing there, explaining something awesome to a kid with eyes as big as saucers (easily the best part of the job), when a guest walked straight up to the bird, squinted his eyes in confusion, and shoved him off his perch as hard as he could. Down went the bird, out flipped me. I would later be reprimanded for cussing at a guest, but the drunken guy walked away like nothing had happened, free to dick his way through the rest of the animal kingdom.

#1. Animals Are Even Grosser Than You Think

You know who is way into masturbation? OK, no, don't raise your hands. We're talking about animals here, remember? Animals are huge fans of freeing willy.

Walruses in particular like to jerk it, and I knew trainers who had to, on multiple occasions, swim through a rich, foamy latte of walrus semen. One was just getting in the water to train when a walrus decided to empty the old chum bucket. After he finished ... well, she had to continue working through it, because she was an animal trainer, and being a trainer sometimes means taking a bath in interspecies jizz. They tend not to put that part in the recruitment pamphlets.

But this wasn't some weird crush the walrus had on his trainer or anything: He got off on public masturbation. Seriously, he'd do it in front of guests because they would -- without fail -- start applauding, and he loved that shit. Exhibitionism fetishes aren't limited to humans.

Quick aside: You want to know what maggot feces tastes like? No, you say? Please, God, I'll do anything not to know that, you say?

Don't get a job at SeaWorld.

Since lizards and birds eat maggots, we used to get these gigantic tubes of them for feeding. For a while it was my job to pop them open and act as a grub delivery man. When you pop the tubes open, there's always a big puff of sweet-smelling powder that utterly inundates you -- your arms, your face, up your nose, and even down your throat. And that sweet, sweet powder, my friends, is the poop. Maggot poop.

Maggot poop tastes sweet, like honey. Good luck unknowing that.

masturbatin walruses! this article has every thing. this gave me one of those literal lols at my desk. i'm not going back to the seaquarium ever. no wonder killer whales nut up and kill those trainers.

 

[Splackavelli]

is this cracked article? it has that same type of humor.

 

[Copper]

Anyone ever watch blackfish?

Twice

Great documentary

That murderous whale tilikum I've been seeing since I was like 6 and had no idea he murked 3 people.

I was at one show when he shut it down by ramming another whale...3 weeks later he ate that lady

 

[UltraIncredible]

#7

MoneyLuver's mom works there

 

[VIBE]

is this cracked article? it has that same type of humor.

Probably, they just did a Disneyland one too.

 

The user and all related content has been deleted.

 

[JusDre313]

Good read

 

[Idiopathic Joker]

I went to the seaworld in San Antonio a couple years ago. Shits depressing

 

[LPast]

All those things sound expected though. Some sound immature.

 

[AZTG]

Maaan yea but no. I cant see myself caring about the emotions of an animal. Dolphins over worked? Word? Fuck outa here. I got enough problems cant start worrying about dolphins rights.

 

[Splackavelli]

cosign on that animals being gross part. that time I went to busch gardens when I was in high school....... chimpanzees are some nasty muphuckas that's all I have to say.

 

[fuc_i_look_like]

I hear the dolphins rape you too.

Lol reminds me of that king of the hill episode where the dolphins @ sea world try 2 rape Hank.

 

[KingFreeman]

=youtube_gdata_player

Dolphin was trying to take the pussy. Real shit I'd punch the shit out a dolphin for some fuck shit like that. Lol.

 

[Copper]

Went to Seaworld in Orlando with my lady...shit was wack to me. Didn't even have penguins when we went.

Would have rather seen a gang of walrus bukkake a trainer tbh.

they do have penguins at orlando

 

[Turfaholic]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLEb-iCQqec&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Dolphin was trying to take the pussy. Real shit I'd punch the shit out a dolphin for some fuck shit like that. Lol.

Something bout that pussy was fishy....

 

[MECCA1000]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLEb-iCQqec&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Dolphin was trying to take the pussy. Real shit I'd punch the shit out a dolphin for some fuck shit like that. Lol.

That bish snatch smell like tuna ........ even under water!

I was trying to find the video on youtube where the dolphins were wildin out and wouldn't let the trainers get in the water ....... when they couldn't get them under control to put on the show, they had the people leave that area to go see the whales

 

[Tymoney19]

Maaan yea but no. I cant see myself caring about the emotions of an animal. Dolphins over worked? Word? Fuck outa here. I got enough problems cant start worrying about dolphins rights.

This is the classic excuse for not changing things that need to be changed. "Oh they enslaving Africans I gotta enuff shit to worry about". "People starving to death" I got enuff shit to worry about. Etc etc. I think most people think like this and it takes the strong minds to actually attempt to bring about change.

 

[MorganFreemanKing]

all that bitching.

get another fucking job then.

seaworld never looked cool to me.

You think anybody that STILL works there is gonna post this kind of article?