5th Letter
New member
5th Letter- You said you changed after your dad died, in what way? How did you end up getting back into the streets after you got your rude awakening?
CapitalB- my dad wasn't around when I was growing up.. I knew of him heard all types of stories about him but didn't know him.. and even though I had my stepfather who was in my life since I was going on 2yrs old I always felt different.. I mentioned earlier how I had to keep up wit my older cousins.. my mom side is very emotional.. passionate people.. they go the fuck off and worry about whatever later.. they literally give no fucks.. I'm like that to a fault.. but I was always a watcher.. a thinker.. and that shit didn't fit in where I was growing up at..
I was 14.. Ill never forget.. moms dropped me off in front of my dads spot and honked the horn.. pops came out looking NOTHING like I envisioned him.. he was a shell of himself.. he resorted to the bottle to chase away his demons.. I didn't know it then.. no one did but he was dying.. anyways.. moms sent me there cause she didn't have money for some shit I wanted for school.. so basically was on some "ask yo daddy" shit.. I forgot what I wanted.. but when I finally got to meet him whatever it was was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to pick his..
crazy shit is my dad lived not even 10 miles from where I lived.. so everyday damn near id hop on my bike and go see him.. I of course had to make sure I did all my work at home and school and shit before I go so when I say that was my ONLY good year in school since PreSchool.. my nigga.. all As and Bs and no negative marks.. getting to know my dad was me getting to know myself.. we are much alike except he doesn't show his emotions.. I'm my mother's child in that regard.. but as far as bein calculated and not allowing judgment to cloud my thoughts.. I get that all from my dad..
him dying basically led me to embrace things that I was ashamed of.. I became unapologetic.. me and my mother got into it real bad around that time and I even went in on her and I had every right to.. now usually a child's love for his or her parent would prevent them from standing up to them.. especially as a kid.. but nah.. fuck that! lmfao.. I no longer gave a fuck..
once u accept who u are and fall in love wit the person u are can't nobody get in-between that.. can't nobody disrespect that or make u feel any less and from that point on I wasn't the quiet baby that did everything to make everyone else happy. I loved and respected myself before anyone else from that point on.. I was 15 and I know people my age and older that still haven't had that moment and I thank my dad for that from the talks we had and mistakes he made.. cause he lived his life like me prior to.
now as far as me going back to the streets..
my cousin getting killed was like my "scared straight" moment..
a nigga said fuck it! imma get a job.. maybe college.. something! these streets don't love me.. I actually had a job commin out of highschool.. part time but nothin heavy but always had side hustles.. but now I was fully committed..
the problem was tho.. I wasn't living at moms no more..
I moved out around the same time all this shit was happening. I was 19 going on 20 so maybe a few months after my cousin passed I'm in my own apartment. I was working at Macy's... they had all the fly shit.. this was 2001/2002 I'm 20yrs of age and I'm ringing up shit for customers that I can't afford trying to be this square. that was the first strike..
then I got a security job for the airpot.. shit was cool.. worked graveyard and they gave all kinds of overtime for morning shift.. so checks was cool.. actually I may have this backwards.. I think Macy's was after the security.. iunno.. I aint had a job in over 10yrs shit. lmmfao
anyways I learned from my first job and this bullshit telecommunications job I had about how companies will try and use u and bully u.. I wasn't going for that shit.. like I said a minute ago.. I respect me.. so YOU go respect me.. I had a few run ins wit authority.. also I have a problem with authority.. I think it stems from growing up.. moms having me at 15 she didn't have time for me AND to get her life right.. so I was home alone while she worked and went to school and step pops worked and worked.. I was 9yrs old home alone watch my brother and baby sister.. I was the parent. lol
anyways I would have it out the shift lead the manager and even the district manager.. they got rid of my ass! lmmfao
a friend of mines pops got me a guard card tho and a gun license to do armed security.. this was the last and final straw..
of all the years of running the streets.. bein in stolen cars.. carrying weapons and shit.. I got to jail for carrying a concealed weapon that I was licensed to carry. long story short got pulled over going home from Jack N' the Box and because I had MY GUN in the glove box loaded they took me away..
my rights were totally violated cause there was no probable cause to pull me over let alone search my vehicle.. I fought the case for over a yr only for the judge to allow the gun into evidence.. it was my first offense so I had the option of doing hundreds of hours of community service or a month in county.. I chose county.. fuck that shit.. I had community service before as a minor... anyways that yr in court I watched the system at play and saw it for what it was.. and before I turned myself in I told my moms outside in the halls of the court that when I come back home I was gonna be a "runaway slave".. those were my exact words.. explained to her how I saw it we either house niggas or field niggas in this shit.. Imma run! lmmfao
and from the day of my release to this day iv been running..
I guess I came to the realization then.. but ESPECIALLY now is that I'm bad at bein good..
but I'm damn good at bein bad. lol
CapitalB- my dad wasn't around when I was growing up.. I knew of him heard all types of stories about him but didn't know him.. and even though I had my stepfather who was in my life since I was going on 2yrs old I always felt different.. I mentioned earlier how I had to keep up wit my older cousins.. my mom side is very emotional.. passionate people.. they go the fuck off and worry about whatever later.. they literally give no fucks.. I'm like that to a fault.. but I was always a watcher.. a thinker.. and that shit didn't fit in where I was growing up at..
I was 14.. Ill never forget.. moms dropped me off in front of my dads spot and honked the horn.. pops came out looking NOTHING like I envisioned him.. he was a shell of himself.. he resorted to the bottle to chase away his demons.. I didn't know it then.. no one did but he was dying.. anyways.. moms sent me there cause she didn't have money for some shit I wanted for school.. so basically was on some "ask yo daddy" shit.. I forgot what I wanted.. but when I finally got to meet him whatever it was was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to pick his..
crazy shit is my dad lived not even 10 miles from where I lived.. so everyday damn near id hop on my bike and go see him.. I of course had to make sure I did all my work at home and school and shit before I go so when I say that was my ONLY good year in school since PreSchool.. my nigga.. all As and Bs and no negative marks.. getting to know my dad was me getting to know myself.. we are much alike except he doesn't show his emotions.. I'm my mother's child in that regard.. but as far as bein calculated and not allowing judgment to cloud my thoughts.. I get that all from my dad..
him dying basically led me to embrace things that I was ashamed of.. I became unapologetic.. me and my mother got into it real bad around that time and I even went in on her and I had every right to.. now usually a child's love for his or her parent would prevent them from standing up to them.. especially as a kid.. but nah.. fuck that! lmfao.. I no longer gave a fuck..
once u accept who u are and fall in love wit the person u are can't nobody get in-between that.. can't nobody disrespect that or make u feel any less and from that point on I wasn't the quiet baby that did everything to make everyone else happy. I loved and respected myself before anyone else from that point on.. I was 15 and I know people my age and older that still haven't had that moment and I thank my dad for that from the talks we had and mistakes he made.. cause he lived his life like me prior to.
now as far as me going back to the streets..
my cousin getting killed was like my "scared straight" moment..
a nigga said fuck it! imma get a job.. maybe college.. something! these streets don't love me.. I actually had a job commin out of highschool.. part time but nothin heavy but always had side hustles.. but now I was fully committed..
the problem was tho.. I wasn't living at moms no more..
I moved out around the same time all this shit was happening. I was 19 going on 20 so maybe a few months after my cousin passed I'm in my own apartment. I was working at Macy's... they had all the fly shit.. this was 2001/2002 I'm 20yrs of age and I'm ringing up shit for customers that I can't afford trying to be this square. that was the first strike..
then I got a security job for the airpot.. shit was cool.. worked graveyard and they gave all kinds of overtime for morning shift.. so checks was cool.. actually I may have this backwards.. I think Macy's was after the security.. iunno.. I aint had a job in over 10yrs shit. lmmfao
anyways I learned from my first job and this bullshit telecommunications job I had about how companies will try and use u and bully u.. I wasn't going for that shit.. like I said a minute ago.. I respect me.. so YOU go respect me.. I had a few run ins wit authority.. also I have a problem with authority.. I think it stems from growing up.. moms having me at 15 she didn't have time for me AND to get her life right.. so I was home alone while she worked and went to school and step pops worked and worked.. I was 9yrs old home alone watch my brother and baby sister.. I was the parent. lol
anyways I would have it out the shift lead the manager and even the district manager.. they got rid of my ass! lmmfao
a friend of mines pops got me a guard card tho and a gun license to do armed security.. this was the last and final straw..
of all the years of running the streets.. bein in stolen cars.. carrying weapons and shit.. I got to jail for carrying a concealed weapon that I was licensed to carry. long story short got pulled over going home from Jack N' the Box and because I had MY GUN in the glove box loaded they took me away..
my rights were totally violated cause there was no probable cause to pull me over let alone search my vehicle.. I fought the case for over a yr only for the judge to allow the gun into evidence.. it was my first offense so I had the option of doing hundreds of hours of community service or a month in county.. I chose county.. fuck that shit.. I had community service before as a minor... anyways that yr in court I watched the system at play and saw it for what it was.. and before I turned myself in I told my moms outside in the halls of the court that when I come back home I was gonna be a "runaway slave".. those were my exact words.. explained to her how I saw it we either house niggas or field niggas in this shit.. Imma run! lmmfao
and from the day of my release to this day iv been running..
I guess I came to the realization then.. but ESPECIALLY now is that I'm bad at bein good..
but I'm damn good at bein bad. lol