A Mother's Confession: I Love My Child But....
Then...a whole load of women responded in the comments talking about how they regret having their kids and being depressed about being single mothers too..
' The weight of being a single mother is something that my 21 year old self had no knowledge of…now 5 years later the guilt I feel for being a single mother and not having a family for her literally keeps me up at night. I have graduated college twice, have an amazing career, and make enough money to give her a really nice life…but yet I still feel like just another statistic…single, black mother who is good enough to birth a child but not good enough to be an actual wife. That was hard to type.'
- Miss C New York
'I was really feeling this way on Sunday and decided to pray about it because my daughter didn’t ask to be here. I feel mostly guilt because I missed all the red flags about her father and still decided to fulfill my sexual desires, which resulted in a pregnancy. I also feel guilty about not being able to give her a family with both parents present. I try my absolute best to show her love and she is a doll, but there is no manual on being a single parent and it is very hard.'
- Ebby, Atlanta
'I agree as well…My daughter is seventeen now and I still have regrets….I am still trying to make peace with myself about having her…As a child I never wanted to have kids or a family..for that matter…I felt I wanted to explore the world and live my life on my terms…I joined the military and loved it…I allowed myself to get married and 3 years we separated and I found myself pregnant…We discussed it and I kept her but I ended up having to get out the Navy as both of us couldn’t deploy and didn’t really have anyone else to care for our daughter…Over the years I have delayed my dreams to be a Mom..I looked at my friends I was stationed with retiring now and honestly it hurts…I love my daughter but my feelings of not having kids has never waivered…I truly believe it’s not meant for everyone'
-Danyella Lanier, LA
'I'm SO grateful for this author. I’ve definitely felt this way. Single motherhood places you in such an isolating position. Can’t enjoy single life like your childless friends. Can’t enjoy the ‘family’ life like your married friends. You’re kinda just stuck. Lonely and broke. I love my son with all my heart but I wish I would’ve waited…or that his father was a better person… I was in a long term relationship with his father when I got pregnant and he just left. Being a single mom SUCKS. I never thought it would be me, but alas. Although I was able to reach my dreams by obtaining my masters, being a single mom requires SO many career sacrifices. It’s just hard'
-Dana, Chicago
'OMG. You stated that perfectly. I truly thought that I was the only one that ever felt this way. I too thought that I had did everything right. Educated. Had a a great job car even had five figures saved in several accounts and still I found myself pregnant and a single mother at 31. While I knew that my circumstances could have been worse. I still found my self depressed at the fact that I had become another statistic. Another black woman raising a black child alone in Chicago. Having my daughter did force me to rethink my thought processes. To want more for myself and her. It pushed me to go for better paying jobs. To finish my graduate degree to reevaluate the relationships and friendships that were toxic. What’s funny or rather what has me perplexed is that I don’t get invited places by neither my single nor married friends. I was just having this conversation with my mom literally a few days ago as to why I don’t get invited but have to find out about events from FB. And that’s what hurts.'
- Tifanny, Chicago
Thank you soon much for this article. I have been battling these thoughts for four years now. I’ve thought about it more often especially during these toddler years. I was always the go getter straight A direct and determined woman and this just didn’t make sense that I ended up a single mom. I had plans to try moving from city to city, traveling, and exploring the world but how did I make this mistake? How didnInlet my guard down?
- Azaelea
The hard truth that nobody is willing to tell you. This is reality and sometimes ppl just don’t want to accept it … I work in a salon and have met many woman that will bluntly tell that being a single mother is not for everyone
- Side
I am literally going thru this right now. And I’ve been severely depressed over it. Don’t get me wrong I love my girls. I regret deciding to go thru with my last pregnancy. After my oldest daughter I swore I would never have anymore kids unless it was by my husband. Met an older guy who promised me the world and was so handsome and charming and begged me to have a baby. I figured since it was the man saying it and he was older it was legit. I made him wait and took it snail slow n everything. After a year and a half of trying I got pregnant and still Sat him down and explained it was important to me that we do this together and if he was even a bit unsure I would get an abortion because I don’t wanna do this alone. He was happy and told me he wanted to keep the baby and we’re gonna do it together and I’m gonna bury him n now he can finally stop trying. 3 months in he started emotionally abusing me. Dude was a narcissist to the tenth power. Cruel and cold af. It was awful. Constantly walking on eggshells. After 5 years he just walked out and said it would be easier for him if he left and only had to think about himself. He refuses to help me financially saying my bills don’t have anything to do with his child. Doesn’t care that daycare tuition is due. Told me quit my job and get on welfare til she’s old enough to go to school. I don’t even have any family to help me. I never have any time to myself. I even have to bring my kids to work with me. He’ll only take them Sat or Sunday from 10 to 3 or 9 to 2, how convenient. I feel stupid for ever trusting him. I wish I would’ve ran. And I’m sorry this is the man my daughters have to look up to. I’m sorry my poor choice made us statistics. It’s hard. I can’t date because I always have my kids or I’m working. I never get to go on vacations with my friends because all my money goes to kids n bills.My girls are my everything but I hurt tremendously for our circumstances. I was too smart to be this dumb now my life is depression and loneliness. Wait girls!!!!!
- Simply J
I am a new mother. My daughter is 3 months old, beautiful, and vibrant. there have been at least s dozen occasions where I regret not having an abortion. Honestly, I got pregnant on a whim. Not intentional at all. It was really the best time of my life. I’d recovered from a catastrophic breakup. I looked great, my body and my skin were clear, I had finally beaten my depression. I was planning for my future and it seemed actually plausible. Then my first time having sex after being celibate for 7 months, I got pregnant. Fast forward a year later, I’m covered in stretch marks, 50 lbs heavier, single mother living with my single mother. It’s hard to go out some days.
- BHB
Then...a whole load of women responded in the comments talking about how they regret having their kids and being depressed about being single mothers too..
' The weight of being a single mother is something that my 21 year old self had no knowledge of…now 5 years later the guilt I feel for being a single mother and not having a family for her literally keeps me up at night. I have graduated college twice, have an amazing career, and make enough money to give her a really nice life…but yet I still feel like just another statistic…single, black mother who is good enough to birth a child but not good enough to be an actual wife. That was hard to type.'
- Miss C New York
'I was really feeling this way on Sunday and decided to pray about it because my daughter didn’t ask to be here. I feel mostly guilt because I missed all the red flags about her father and still decided to fulfill my sexual desires, which resulted in a pregnancy. I also feel guilty about not being able to give her a family with both parents present. I try my absolute best to show her love and she is a doll, but there is no manual on being a single parent and it is very hard.'
- Ebby, Atlanta
'I agree as well…My daughter is seventeen now and I still have regrets….I am still trying to make peace with myself about having her…As a child I never wanted to have kids or a family..for that matter…I felt I wanted to explore the world and live my life on my terms…I joined the military and loved it…I allowed myself to get married and 3 years we separated and I found myself pregnant…We discussed it and I kept her but I ended up having to get out the Navy as both of us couldn’t deploy and didn’t really have anyone else to care for our daughter…Over the years I have delayed my dreams to be a Mom..I looked at my friends I was stationed with retiring now and honestly it hurts…I love my daughter but my feelings of not having kids has never waivered…I truly believe it’s not meant for everyone'
-Danyella Lanier, LA
'I'm SO grateful for this author. I’ve definitely felt this way. Single motherhood places you in such an isolating position. Can’t enjoy single life like your childless friends. Can’t enjoy the ‘family’ life like your married friends. You’re kinda just stuck. Lonely and broke. I love my son with all my heart but I wish I would’ve waited…or that his father was a better person… I was in a long term relationship with his father when I got pregnant and he just left. Being a single mom SUCKS. I never thought it would be me, but alas. Although I was able to reach my dreams by obtaining my masters, being a single mom requires SO many career sacrifices. It’s just hard'
-Dana, Chicago
'OMG. You stated that perfectly. I truly thought that I was the only one that ever felt this way. I too thought that I had did everything right. Educated. Had a a great job car even had five figures saved in several accounts and still I found myself pregnant and a single mother at 31. While I knew that my circumstances could have been worse. I still found my self depressed at the fact that I had become another statistic. Another black woman raising a black child alone in Chicago. Having my daughter did force me to rethink my thought processes. To want more for myself and her. It pushed me to go for better paying jobs. To finish my graduate degree to reevaluate the relationships and friendships that were toxic. What’s funny or rather what has me perplexed is that I don’t get invited places by neither my single nor married friends. I was just having this conversation with my mom literally a few days ago as to why I don’t get invited but have to find out about events from FB. And that’s what hurts.'
- Tifanny, Chicago
Thank you soon much for this article. I have been battling these thoughts for four years now. I’ve thought about it more often especially during these toddler years. I was always the go getter straight A direct and determined woman and this just didn’t make sense that I ended up a single mom. I had plans to try moving from city to city, traveling, and exploring the world but how did I make this mistake? How didnInlet my guard down?
- Azaelea
The hard truth that nobody is willing to tell you. This is reality and sometimes ppl just don’t want to accept it … I work in a salon and have met many woman that will bluntly tell that being a single mother is not for everyone
- Side
I am literally going thru this right now. And I’ve been severely depressed over it. Don’t get me wrong I love my girls. I regret deciding to go thru with my last pregnancy. After my oldest daughter I swore I would never have anymore kids unless it was by my husband. Met an older guy who promised me the world and was so handsome and charming and begged me to have a baby. I figured since it was the man saying it and he was older it was legit. I made him wait and took it snail slow n everything. After a year and a half of trying I got pregnant and still Sat him down and explained it was important to me that we do this together and if he was even a bit unsure I would get an abortion because I don’t wanna do this alone. He was happy and told me he wanted to keep the baby and we’re gonna do it together and I’m gonna bury him n now he can finally stop trying. 3 months in he started emotionally abusing me. Dude was a narcissist to the tenth power. Cruel and cold af. It was awful. Constantly walking on eggshells. After 5 years he just walked out and said it would be easier for him if he left and only had to think about himself. He refuses to help me financially saying my bills don’t have anything to do with his child. Doesn’t care that daycare tuition is due. Told me quit my job and get on welfare til she’s old enough to go to school. I don’t even have any family to help me. I never have any time to myself. I even have to bring my kids to work with me. He’ll only take them Sat or Sunday from 10 to 3 or 9 to 2, how convenient. I feel stupid for ever trusting him. I wish I would’ve ran. And I’m sorry this is the man my daughters have to look up to. I’m sorry my poor choice made us statistics. It’s hard. I can’t date because I always have my kids or I’m working. I never get to go on vacations with my friends because all my money goes to kids n bills.My girls are my everything but I hurt tremendously for our circumstances. I was too smart to be this dumb now my life is depression and loneliness. Wait girls!!!!!
- Simply J
I am a new mother. My daughter is 3 months old, beautiful, and vibrant. there have been at least s dozen occasions where I regret not having an abortion. Honestly, I got pregnant on a whim. Not intentional at all. It was really the best time of my life. I’d recovered from a catastrophic breakup. I looked great, my body and my skin were clear, I had finally beaten my depression. I was planning for my future and it seemed actually plausible. Then my first time having sex after being celibate for 7 months, I got pregnant. Fast forward a year later, I’m covered in stretch marks, 50 lbs heavier, single mother living with my single mother. It’s hard to go out some days.
- BHB