death187sin
New member
Reply to: American Loo "Somebody playin games on ya phone UNAPPRECIATION"
Now.. What reall happened was:
Her: Hey friend just checking on ya
Loo: Who the fuck is this?
Her: We me at the club a while back and U bought me a drink
Loo: Really? I don't recall.
Her: We danced and U said "Is that ya cellphone or are U just happy to see me" and I said both
Loo: "Looks confused" Oh okay I remember
Her: Sooooo (long pause)
Loo: Send me ya pic
Her: I'm a lil shy but give me a minute I have to find one
Loo: (This bitch taking mad long) Starts licking taco shell
Her: I'm back, I'm sending the pic now.
Loo: Okay I'm opening it
Her: U like what cho see
Loo: There must be some mistake sweetie. I think U sent me the wrong one.
Her: It's no mistake honey
Loo: What cho say ya name was again?
Her: Dana short for Darnell
Loo: OMG and I kissed U that night (Makes a toothpaste sandwich)
Him: Yes U did and it was passionate
Loo: Leave me alone U freak!
Him: No.. I'm outside your basement apartment
Loo: (Locks all the doors and hides under bed)
Loo again: Hears footsteps and someone humming the "bedroom intruder" song by Antoine Dodson
Loo again: OH NO!! BEDROOM INTRUDER RAPIST!
Loo: (Dials 9-1-1)
Dispatch: 9-1-1 what's your emergency?
Loo: (Whispers) There's someone in my house and I think it's the bedroom intruder
Dispatcher: Sir your going to have to speak up
Him: Come out, come out where ever U are!
Loo: (whispers) I said someone climbed in my window and I think he wan't to (inaudible) (screams in back ground) HELP ME!!
Dispatcher: Sir... Sir....... Sir are U there? Sir..........
Phone hangs up: (dial tone)
Dispatcher: OMG! He's gone..
________________________________________________________________
Reply to Best and worst excuses ever said.
Me: Bitch the club closes at 2:AM where U been at?
Her: We all wen't and had some chicken at the diner afterwards.
Me: Bitch ya lips aint greasy!
Her: I used a wet-nap
Me: U about to get a nap if U don't tell me where the fuck U was at?
Her: Okay! Wen't to Shina's house for some more drinks..
Me: Takes keys to her car..
Her: What are you doing!
Me: Bitch who's sock is this? Huh! Answer me!
Her: (Crackling voice) It's Darrel's sock okay
Me: Bitch who the fuck is Darrel?!
Her: Darrel is s friend of Shina's baby father but don't trip..
Me: Hoe! How did this niggaz sock get in your car?
Her: He said he had athletes feet and he needed me to put some lamasil on his toes.
Me: Oh so U DR Scholls now?!
Her: No.. What are you doing? Give me my phone back!
Me: Calls Darrel
Her: (Screams Darrel just tell him aint nothing going on and that I was just putting some lamisil on ya toes)
Me: Bitch shut the FUCK UP!
Darrel: Hello
Me: Darrel it's time for U to start talking nigga.. How U know my girl?
Darrel: I'm her co-worker, we sometimes have LUNCH together..
Me: Oh bitch so this is Lunch nigga huh?!
Darrel: Chill out man, it's not that serious..
Me: Darrel what's ya casket size?
Darrel: Hangs up phone.. Calls airport
Airport: United Airline how may I assist you today?
Darrel: (SCREAMING SCARED) I NEED THE NEXT PLANE OUT OF THE CITY!!
Airport: Sir please calm down. Is there a particular place your going?
Darrel: (Peeking out of window) ANYWHERE BITCH!! HURRY!
Airport: Next flight is going to Afghanistan.
Darrel: I'LL TAKE IT!!! (changes Identity) (Never heard from again)
-Other side of town-
Police: Where did he go?
Her: Not sure.
Police: Man he sure did a number on you..
Her: You think they'll be able to put my eye back in?
EMS: Ohh sweetie.. Anything is possible. (looks at partner and giggles)
Police: Please tell us what happened.
Her: He put me in the "Walls of Jericho" then he rifle butted me in the face before he suplexed me down the stairs.
Police: My Goodness!
EMS: How many fingers am I holding up?
Her: These many
EMS: She's going out of conscious. Need to move her quickly!
Me: Steals DR's robe and sneaks into her room with a pair of pliers..
Locks door behind me: (DR Giggles laugh)
_____________________________________________________________
Reply to the Cougar thread
Cougar: Hey young stuff
Me: Excuse me?
Cougar: U got a shorty
Me: Lets cut the bullshit, U want some dick or not?!
Cougar: Hell to the fuckin yeah!
Me: That shit got played out wit Eddie Murphy
Cougar: Sorry
Me: Lets go to ya place.. I'm having my carpet put in.
Cougar: OKAY
(Enters home)
Me: What's all this?
Cougar: Records
Me: Damn!! That's what they look like.
Cougar: Can U wait here while I slip into something more comfortable
Me: Cool
Me: (Looting and stealing)
Cougar: I'll be down in a minute
Me: Take ya time.. (Looting and stealing some more)
Cougar: Comes down stairs purring like a cat
Me: What have I got myself into
Cougar: What's wrong baby. Why U still limp and sneezing?
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not used to coffee colored panty hose and nylon makes me sneeze.
Cougar: Can U rub some of this on my back?
Me: Okay.. What is it.. Smells minty
Cougar: It's bengay
Me: (sarcastic) that really gets the fire going
Cougar: Can you hand me that glass of saline over there?
Me: Smells it.. WHAT THE FUCK!
Cougar: It's for my dentures. (plops them into the glass)
Me: Throws up in my mouth a lil bit
Cougar: Whats wrong baby?
Me: Nothing
Cougar: (takes bra off) U like what u see?
Me: OMG WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR TITS?
Cougar: I had breast cancer twice. Now their mostly silicone. The surgeon had Cerebral-palsy so pardon the scars.
Me: I can't do this lady.. Here's all the stuff I stole.. How do I get out of here?! (Vomits)
Cougar: Why are U acting like this?
Me: Let me out or you gonna be using all ya Medicaid up in one visit.
Cougar: (Has a heart attack)
Me: Calls 9-1-1 and ask for the number to a cab.
Deuces old prune!
________________________________________________________________
Reply to Kew: Officially in the Navy
You: Hello
Roommate: Hey
You: This my bunk?
Roommate: Yeah.. Right under mines
You: Cool
Roommate: I understand U new around here but theres some rules in this bitch!
You: I'm sorry. What?
Roommate: Nigga U heard me!
You: (balls up in a corner) Mumbles "what are they"
Roommate: First rule of business!
1-Sit down when peeing
2-I get to jerk off twice a day to pics of your girl
3-Scrub the toilet after every use
4-You must sleep with your ass in the air!
5-Broke back mountain is the movie of choice every night!
6-Ask me before you swallow your own saliva
7-Wednesday nights are "sleep in same bunk" night
8-Tuck ya dick in when walking to the shower (silence of the lamb up in this bitch)
You: I thought the Navy was a good place
Roommate: It is, if U me now take ya panties off!
You: U mean boxers?
Roommate: Rule 9 - Boxers are called panties in this bitch!
You: (cries) Okay
Roommate: (Puts Boy George CD in) Now do it like I like it!
You: (cries)
Roommate: Hurry up for I take belt off and beat cho like my dick to ya girls pics!!
You: (cries) (sings) "coma coma coma coma comacoma camilia"
Roommate: Nigga that not how the song goes! Do it again!
You: I can't! Please!
Roommate: (Turns music off) We'll get to that later! It's time..
You: Time for what? (cuddles with pillow in corner)
Roommate: Unzips (It's time to play "Pulp Fiction") Now get get over here Ving Rhames!
You: (Screams mercilessly for the deck commander!!)
Roommate: Norman Bates voice ("He can't hear you")
-Next morning-
Roommate: (Puffs a cig) A baby! Last night you took it like a true champ.. I thought cho said it was you first time though..
You: (Tear in eye)(voice cracking) "No, It wasn't.. My father use to.. (interrupted)
Roommate: Nigga I'm ya daddy now! And right now daddy says close the door.. Round 7 on deck!
More will follow later..
Now.. What reall happened was:
Her: Hey friend just checking on ya
Loo: Who the fuck is this?
Her: We me at the club a while back and U bought me a drink
Loo: Really? I don't recall.
Her: We danced and U said "Is that ya cellphone or are U just happy to see me" and I said both
Loo: "Looks confused" Oh okay I remember
Her: Sooooo (long pause)
Loo: Send me ya pic
Her: I'm a lil shy but give me a minute I have to find one
Loo: (This bitch taking mad long) Starts licking taco shell
Her: I'm back, I'm sending the pic now.
Loo: Okay I'm opening it
Her: U like what cho see
Loo: There must be some mistake sweetie. I think U sent me the wrong one.
Her: It's no mistake honey
Loo: What cho say ya name was again?
Her: Dana short for Darnell
Loo: OMG and I kissed U that night (Makes a toothpaste sandwich)
Him: Yes U did and it was passionate
Loo: Leave me alone U freak!
Him: No.. I'm outside your basement apartment
Loo: (Locks all the doors and hides under bed)
Loo again: Hears footsteps and someone humming the "bedroom intruder" song by Antoine Dodson
Loo again: OH NO!! BEDROOM INTRUDER RAPIST!
Loo: (Dials 9-1-1)
Dispatch: 9-1-1 what's your emergency?
Loo: (Whispers) There's someone in my house and I think it's the bedroom intruder
Dispatcher: Sir your going to have to speak up
Him: Come out, come out where ever U are!
Loo: (whispers) I said someone climbed in my window and I think he wan't to (inaudible) (screams in back ground) HELP ME!!
Dispatcher: Sir... Sir....... Sir are U there? Sir..........
Phone hangs up: (dial tone)
Dispatcher: OMG! He's gone..
________________________________________________________________
Reply to Best and worst excuses ever said.
Me: Bitch the club closes at 2:AM where U been at?
Her: We all wen't and had some chicken at the diner afterwards.
Me: Bitch ya lips aint greasy!
Her: I used a wet-nap
Me: U about to get a nap if U don't tell me where the fuck U was at?
Her: Okay! Wen't to Shina's house for some more drinks..
Me: Takes keys to her car..
Her: What are you doing!
Me: Bitch who's sock is this? Huh! Answer me!
Her: (Crackling voice) It's Darrel's sock okay
Me: Bitch who the fuck is Darrel?!
Her: Darrel is s friend of Shina's baby father but don't trip..
Me: Hoe! How did this niggaz sock get in your car?
Her: He said he had athletes feet and he needed me to put some lamasil on his toes.
Me: Oh so U DR Scholls now?!
Her: No.. What are you doing? Give me my phone back!
Me: Calls Darrel
Her: (Screams Darrel just tell him aint nothing going on and that I was just putting some lamisil on ya toes)
Me: Bitch shut the FUCK UP!
Darrel: Hello
Me: Darrel it's time for U to start talking nigga.. How U know my girl?
Darrel: I'm her co-worker, we sometimes have LUNCH together..
Me: Oh bitch so this is Lunch nigga huh?!
Darrel: Chill out man, it's not that serious..
Me: Darrel what's ya casket size?
Darrel: Hangs up phone.. Calls airport
Airport: United Airline how may I assist you today?
Darrel: (SCREAMING SCARED) I NEED THE NEXT PLANE OUT OF THE CITY!!
Airport: Sir please calm down. Is there a particular place your going?
Darrel: (Peeking out of window) ANYWHERE BITCH!! HURRY!
Airport: Next flight is going to Afghanistan.
Darrel: I'LL TAKE IT!!! (changes Identity) (Never heard from again)
-Other side of town-
Police: Where did he go?
Her: Not sure.
Police: Man he sure did a number on you..
Her: You think they'll be able to put my eye back in?
EMS: Ohh sweetie.. Anything is possible. (looks at partner and giggles)
Police: Please tell us what happened.
Her: He put me in the "Walls of Jericho" then he rifle butted me in the face before he suplexed me down the stairs.
Police: My Goodness!
EMS: How many fingers am I holding up?
Her: These many
EMS: She's going out of conscious. Need to move her quickly!
Me: Steals DR's robe and sneaks into her room with a pair of pliers..
Locks door behind me: (DR Giggles laugh)
_____________________________________________________________
Reply to the Cougar thread
Cougar: Hey young stuff
Me: Excuse me?
Cougar: U got a shorty
Me: Lets cut the bullshit, U want some dick or not?!
Cougar: Hell to the fuckin yeah!
Me: That shit got played out wit Eddie Murphy
Cougar: Sorry
Me: Lets go to ya place.. I'm having my carpet put in.
Cougar: OKAY
(Enters home)
Me: What's all this?
Cougar: Records
Me: Damn!! That's what they look like.
Cougar: Can U wait here while I slip into something more comfortable
Me: Cool
Me: (Looting and stealing)
Cougar: I'll be down in a minute
Me: Take ya time.. (Looting and stealing some more)
Cougar: Comes down stairs purring like a cat
Me: What have I got myself into
Cougar: What's wrong baby. Why U still limp and sneezing?
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not used to coffee colored panty hose and nylon makes me sneeze.
Cougar: Can U rub some of this on my back?
Me: Okay.. What is it.. Smells minty
Cougar: It's bengay
Me: (sarcastic) that really gets the fire going
Cougar: Can you hand me that glass of saline over there?
Me: Smells it.. WHAT THE FUCK!
Cougar: It's for my dentures. (plops them into the glass)
Me: Throws up in my mouth a lil bit
Cougar: Whats wrong baby?
Me: Nothing
Cougar: (takes bra off) U like what u see?
Me: OMG WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR TITS?
Cougar: I had breast cancer twice. Now their mostly silicone. The surgeon had Cerebral-palsy so pardon the scars.
Me: I can't do this lady.. Here's all the stuff I stole.. How do I get out of here?! (Vomits)
Cougar: Why are U acting like this?
Me: Let me out or you gonna be using all ya Medicaid up in one visit.
Cougar: (Has a heart attack)
Me: Calls 9-1-1 and ask for the number to a cab.
Deuces old prune!
________________________________________________________________
Reply to Kew: Officially in the Navy
You: Hello
Roommate: Hey
You: This my bunk?
Roommate: Yeah.. Right under mines
You: Cool
Roommate: I understand U new around here but theres some rules in this bitch!
You: I'm sorry. What?
Roommate: Nigga U heard me!
You: (balls up in a corner) Mumbles "what are they"
Roommate: First rule of business!
1-Sit down when peeing
2-I get to jerk off twice a day to pics of your girl
3-Scrub the toilet after every use
4-You must sleep with your ass in the air!
5-Broke back mountain is the movie of choice every night!
6-Ask me before you swallow your own saliva
7-Wednesday nights are "sleep in same bunk" night
8-Tuck ya dick in when walking to the shower (silence of the lamb up in this bitch)
You: I thought the Navy was a good place
Roommate: It is, if U me now take ya panties off!
You: U mean boxers?
Roommate: Rule 9 - Boxers are called panties in this bitch!
You: (cries) Okay
Roommate: (Puts Boy George CD in) Now do it like I like it!
You: (cries)
Roommate: Hurry up for I take belt off and beat cho like my dick to ya girls pics!!
You: (cries) (sings) "coma coma coma coma comacoma camilia"
Roommate: Nigga that not how the song goes! Do it again!
You: I can't! Please!
Roommate: (Turns music off) We'll get to that later! It's time..
You: Time for what? (cuddles with pillow in corner)
Roommate: Unzips (It's time to play "Pulp Fiction") Now get get over here Ving Rhames!
You: (Screams mercilessly for the deck commander!!)
Roommate: Norman Bates voice ("He can't hear you")
-Next morning-
Roommate: (Puffs a cig) A baby! Last night you took it like a true champ.. I thought cho said it was you first time though..
You: (Tear in eye)(voice cracking) "No, It wasn't.. My father use to.. (interrupted)
Roommate: Nigga I'm ya daddy now! And right now daddy says close the door.. Round 7 on deck!
More will follow later..
Last edited:
